I am a sad person who needs some help and insight from smart people like you. I have been going crazy lately dealing with my fear and anxiety. It’s just that I am constantly scared and nervous…There is never a day that goes by that I’m not worried about something or scared of somebody (some people’s reaction or situations)…Sometimes I’m just scared for no reason..I know that nothing bad is going to happen, I didn’t do anything bad, everything’s ok..but still, I have that awful feeling in my chest, like I am conditioned to feel the fear. I feel so restless..I am just so tired of this feeling. I can never relax and just enjoy the moment. I think I have become afraid of fear…I’m scared to be scared..I just hate this feeling..this constant overthinking. I have been anxious almost my whole life. I have been born during the war in my country and that influenced me a lot and left me with a lot of traumas.
I just want to shake this fear off and leave it forever. I know that certain amount of fear is good and normal, but this is just draining the life out of me. How do you deal with fear and stress?
Any help or insights would be greatly appreciated.Thanks
@jellenafoxx, Go buy the book “The Four Agreements” at a local book store (I know Barnes & Noble has it). I could write an entire essay about why you should read it, but trust me, after you do, I think it will open new doors for you and get you on your way to developing a new set of beliefs about yourself and life – because that’s all it is, for everyone – it’s about their belief system. Get the book.
You have to see yourself beyond your mind. You know that there is nothing wrong and nothing to fear but your mind is conditioned and rooted in fear now. You should try to relax every time you fear, fear and see past it. If you try to fight it, it will only make it worse. If you can just chill out and know that your mind is creating these negative thoughts based on past experiences and the momentum that you’ve been creating it should die away. It will take time and you’ll have to have a lot of patience but I believe it works. I’m not the greatest at explaining it so try reading some of this guys blogs, they’re pretty insightful. Good luck =)
@chodebalm I’ve read the book a while ago. Even though It is a great book with a lot of great advices on how to develop a new set of beliefs, I can’t say that it helped me deal with my problem. No matter what I do-no matter how many great books that I read or inspirational videos that I watch-it doesn’t make me feel better in the long run. It does feel good for a short period of time,I feel so full of hope and I do understand that it’s all in my mind, it’s me who’s creating all that fear and I’m the only one who can let go of that..I now that this is just life and it shouldn’t be taken seriously, I know that I’m gonna die one day and none of this will matter, but still,…I still worry and fear. It’s like an never ending circle. But anyway, thanks for your reply and advice, I appreciate it.
@illmortal Thanks for the link, I’ll read some of those blog posts…I am trying to get as much insightful things as possible. And I think that feeling the fear and then letting it go is a great technique. I will most certainly try to do that. I’ve been fighting with fear my whole life and I just want to let it go…
@jellenafoxx hey, i recently went through a phase like that, about 4 months ago, EXTREME anxiety and heavy panic attacks. I hope I can help sharing a few tips that got me through it. 1) Physical activity: exercise, any kind of it, for me running and getting a good sweat made the trick many times, any sport you like or anything that involves using your body and focusing on it instead of being trapped in your thoughts (I know the mind can sometimes play you bad tricks once it revolves around fear, pretty much everything makes you anxious or nervous and your meandering thoughts just make the fear get worse). 2) Meditation and mindfulness techniques; try any kind that you feel like might work and that may help you recognize the source of your fears and anxieties, in order to get a better understanding and acceptance of them, and an overall calm mindset. 3) Play a musical instrument, dance or sing or do something artistic of your interest, again, this will give your mind something to focus in instead of the neverending fear. 4) Read random posts here, for me that kept me interested for a while and also learned some pretty cool things, and the fear went away while enjoying the blog posts.
I hope this works for you, I’ve been there and I felt like if I was trapped in a maze of which I would never get out of, it sucks, but it also makes you grow once you get past it. Realize how lucky you are of being alive, and go and live, hope you can kick that fear’s ass ASAP, peace!
@jellenafoxx, I am also afraid of fear. Writing helps. What helps miraculously though is to remember that you should Not Give a Fuck. :) http://inoveryourhead.net/the-complete-guide-to-not-giving-a-fuck/
And remember that everyone feels like this sometimes. Over-thinking is usually a side effect of not having anything work related to occupy your mind with. And the mind needs to be occupied with something, obviously scaring yourself unnecessarily is not a great way to spend your time. Remind yourself that fearing fear is worthless for you. :) Spoil yourself a little. I used to be like this when I realized I wasn’t good to myself at all, I didn’t even have a comfort zone. So I built one. Start doing stuff and fall in love with doing stuff. And make sure you have people to talk to. Everyone needs connection, you might get surprised how you’re not any different than everyone else, though the fear of fear in people is making them not admit it. You can also look up Phobophobia if you think it will help.
@jellenafoxx, I know exactly what you mean.. I was condition to never feel relaxed.. among other things. Emotions Anonymous changed my life. It help me find the main root of why I felt like that all the time. Once you find the root, the problem becomes much much much more easy to deal with… you should really give it a try
You’ve probably have shown yourself plenty of times that your fear is not related to the moment or situation you are in many times, am I right? Maybe you thought somebody was following you one day and you felt a TON of fear but then they turned away and nothing happened. Your emotions are not logical and you can’t always throw logic at your feelings and they magically disappear. You might understand on the surface level that what you are fearing is illogical but you really do believe you are in danger in a unconscious way that you are not going to be able to explain your way out of; otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling it!
Whenever the bad feelings come up, you have to prove to yourself by EXAMPLE that there is nothing to fear and that comes from just jumping into it, feel the fear, know you’ll be okay, and finally walk away ALIVE! Don’t forget your example, it serves at solid proof that you can really go off of. Thats why people say take action, but I say just to be super aware of what you are feeling and doing without trying to make it go away, its one of the only true ways to ingrain a belief that your body knows.. you know. Hope this helps @jellenafoxx :)
@jellenafoxx, From one of my recent blog posts:
“Reality check: If you have difficulties with realizing how important today is and how insignificant tomorrow is you should close your eyes now and image that today is your last day on this lovely planet and that you’ll not see the light again tomorrow. You’ll be dead then – so much for your future.
Now think about it carefully, consciously, truthfully: would you worry about tomorrow if you had to die today?
I guessed so.”
@jellenafoxx, Hi Jellena– few things. Hope this helps you cuz sometimes typing it out helps me too. Haha for one most of us r not any smarter than you, I’m sure of that. Having anxiety and fear is something I deal with too. Not as much ont he fear part, but more on social anxiety. It’s something I fight every day too. Sometimes it’s not as bad, but sometimes it can be really bad. So bad that I have choked up in front of groups of friends I’ve known for years just because it hit me at that particular time. I often feel very nervous initially going into parties, so I take a few shots before I go in. I started doing that a few years ago, but last few months, I’m trying my best to stop doing that. I realized it’s actually making it worse because there will be so many future moments when I’ll have to process large groups of people in a social environment when Im sober, so I might as well do it on a natural level than attempt to mask it. My request to you is challenge yourself in that don’t be afraid of anything because every person in this world has fear and anxiety to some point (the lucky ones are often the leaders you see every day who have no fear expressing themselves in front of hundreds or thousands of ppl). But even these leaders have fear– trust me on this. We have it a bit worse and you might even have it a little worse than me, and I promise you it is not completely fixable but you can work the odds in your favor. For one, do what you feel comfortable doing. I’m sure you have those good days when confidence is peaking a bit more– go out, make plans on those days. The days when you wake up and you know things are not too good, just chill back maybe with your family or a few very trustworthy good friends and go see a movie or just do some activity at home. You can definitely work the odds in your favor, and don’t ever feel bad for feeling the way you do. I sometimes do for myself because I was always such a popular kid in elementary, junior, high school, and even college to a certain extent. I’m the guy that laughs and can find a connection with almost anyone of any race on a given day. Heck i was like the class clown for years. Then this social anxiety started developing in high school and got worse. Again, just for emphasis in your situation, think beyond your own mind and realize everyone goes thru the same shit. For example, sit at a railway station or airport and just stare at all the people around you. You’ll notice a lot of people display fear / anxiety in their faces, and once you smile at them, it’s a lot better. In public, just smile alot and display your confident self. It is not our fault that biology hit us in the butt with this anxiety and fear flowing through our central nervous system, so don’t let it:)
@jellenafoxx, i know how you feel. i am constantly over-thinking. sometimes i’m so tired and exhausted but my mind roams 200 km/h and i just think and think about what could happen, and what if, what if… i make hypotheses and stress myself for no reason! i have spent many sleepless nights just thinking and fearing things that never happened. the key is to stop! stop thinking! you have to find something to occupy your mind. i read a lot of helpful posts up here. you need to discover what relaxes you.. for me, drawing is the key. followed by some jazz.. every person is different so try whatever seems interesting and eventually you’ll find your thing. I also went through war when i was a child, and if your name is Jelena, with one L, maybe we’re from same country.. i wish you all the best. don’t give up, fight against your fear.
@jellenafoxx, I too have struggled with this and after my experience with it, this is what I have found that should and will help you if you implement it.
First off, you need to realize and discover that fear generates itself. Fear is simply an illusion, and yet a very powerful one if you let it. You “let it” by not facing your fears (illusionary). Ever heard that before? Well.. do it! Once you literally face whatever it is that is scaring you (which is, you!), whether it is if your heart beating too fast (focus on your heart), whether your breathing is off (focus on your breath), and any other nonsense you tell yourself, focus on exactly that and DO NOT hesitate. Once you discover the illusion which was created by you, laugh about it, and dive into the present moment.
To dive into the “pre-sent” moment, I recommend meditation. Take away all thoughts. Focus on your feelings, both “external” (even though nothing is really external), and “internal”. Breathe deeply. Focus all attention on the breath. Soon, it may disappear, it may not. The main thing you need to do is to NOT try and do ANYTHING. Just be. Let everything flow in the moment. If you think something will happen, that is your thought conjuring up something illusionary. Everything inside your mind is an illusion that you created from past experience which too is an illusion. All that there is and ever will be is the NOW. So enjoy it! Don’t hide from it, embrace it! Find the pure love inside of you that will heal your “internal” and “external” worries.
“I always advocate never creating monsters when there are none. Primarily, of course, because there are none. Boo!” – Notes From The Universe
@jellenafoxx, Please read these posts, I think they will help you;
Here I talk about anxiety / panic attacks:
And these two posts are more generally depression – why do we tend to feel “bad”, when nothing seems to be wrong?
They are a bit lengthy, and with all the other posts helping you out, I hope you have time to read them all.
Good luck, hope all goes well.
Wow! Thanks everybody for your replies and all your help. It feels great knowing that I’m not alone in this. I have to say that today was a good day, noting that I feared about yesterday really happened today, so that gave me a boost of good energy for today :)
@beyond That Not giving a fuck blog post is really awesome! Like I said before, I am trying to think like that, to not really give a fuck about other people and about things that I can’t control, but when that fear and anxiety kick in, it is kinda hard to think like that. In my “peaceful” and positive moments, everything’s great and I promise myself that everything’s gonna change, but the next time I have one of those anxiety attacks, I seem to forget about all of that.
And I do love to write too, but lately It have been hard for me to concentrate on anything. I feel so sleepy and drowsy all the time. It’s like my mind goes completely blank when I sit in front of an empty page, trying to write something.
@mialje03 Yes, that’s the thing! I would really like to find out the root of my problem, that would help a lot!
@sandra3agnes Where are you from? :)
@ijesuschrist Thanks for the links, the post about panick attacks is really helpful! How do you deal with them now? Do you still have them?
@jellenafoxx, They still appear, just because random thoughts cause stress, and instantly I know what to do, in 5 minutes, everything is gone. And I’m fine.
I used to not be able to smoke weed at all, because I would have such bad panic attacks and anxiety, but now its totally fine. I just feel it coming, I sit back, I let it run its course, I identify what is wrong, and in a couple of minutes I’ve forgotten it was even happening.
My depression is absolutely gone – and even if I bring it back consciously (talking to someone else about it deeply) I have complete control over it.
ITs very satisfying actually.
For the last few days I’ve been feeling incredibly low. I’ve been trapped inside myself. Depressed, anxious and weak. Reading posts here, and knowing I’m not alone, makes it already better. I’ve been working so long to try and numb it, but it has made it loads worse. I thought I had gotten over these feelings and thoughts, but when I go beyond my comfort zone, I start worrying and then the fear of the fear comes back and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m having trouble with allowing myself to feel anything. I’m trying to make myself invisible, which is stupid. I’m gonna take the advice here, and just let it pass and not try to fight it. I’m exhausted. Thank you all for posting and sharing advice and experience.
@arcanus, my friend, just remember, you are going through this transition to better yourself, and if it’s forced and uncontrollable,
the best way to get through it is to understand it and either manage your composure or fuel the positivity that lies in your soul (not ignoring it, but doing all you can to help yourself get past it).
if you find yourself still not feeling, hug another human or hold your hand over a fire :P
being exhausted is not beneficial in any way, take a rest before you keep walking on the path.
good luck, it’s hard, but you must go through it to understand what it is.