Being just friends with someone you love?

Profile photo of Faithflower Faithflower (@peacelove) 5 years, 3 months ago

Is that possible, and would you try to maintain a friendship, or would it lead to trouble later on? Or can you sacrifice yourself for someone by just being friends, and not letting romantic feelings take control. And would you accept a friendship with someone who in fact loves you, or would it feel like taking advantage of someone? With love I mean romantically.

April 21, 2012 at 5:15 am
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aurora (0) (@aurora3497) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

Since my last post I have remained friends with the man I posted about. We are more distant and don’t talk as often. Sex is also out. I still feel at times that he uses me when he has no one else sad to say. I love him and value what friendship we do have but I have also moved on.

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Leelee (0) (@Leelee24) 3 years, 5 months ago ago

I have been friends with a girl for almost a year now, ive fallen deeply in love with her for the past 6 months. The kind of love where everytime i see her i smile, when im away from her i think about her, when shes sad im sad. I couldnt imagine a day without her. Shes been in a relationship going on 2 years and its been a rocky relationship as well, i recently expressed my feelings to her, it brought tears to her eyes, she said it was the sweetest thing shes ever heard, but she cant because shes in love with someone else. So 2 weeks ago her boyfriend breaks up with her via text message. And shes super sad, so yesterday she asks to come spend the night and have a few drinks at my place, i agree. So then today, i message her asking what shes up to, sje responds trying to get my love back and fix it so she can be happy again. I was so greatly devastated, i immediately felt like exploding, i really dont know what to do. I love her in my life, i love to see her happy, but i dunno if i can maintain my strength, because it hurts more and more knowing she will never be with me.

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Huerfanita (8) (@Huerfanita) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

I think it depends on how well you can manage your feelings (if you’re the one in love) whether or not you can see them and not feel hurt.
Personally, I feel it’s better to either be with the person or just go on your own ways.. it’s too painful to be around someone you can’t have yet you desire more than anything.

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Charlie (10) (@charlie7400) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

Really depends how you love them; you can love them as a friend or as a “lover”. If I like a girl as a lover, then it’s completely impossible for me to try and just be friends with her, because I won’t be able to stand not being with her while still interacting with her… I would get jealous of her other guy friends and just be a complete worry wart. What I have done is just not talk to them, if they talk to me sure ill reply but i will make 0 effort to befriend her or to keep interest; sure it sounds simple but it’s gonna be hard as fuck trying to almost ignore them and to completely stop thinking of them in “that way”.

I’m currently struggling with this…

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Bhallaman (18) (@bhallaman) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

My experience says NO, but its different for everyone. Go find out so you don’t regret NOT tryin!

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Margaux (0) (@MargauxEmmanuelle) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

I’m not sure what you actually mean, but I see love as something completely different from ‘being in love’. I hate being in love as it isn’t a right way of viewing or loving a person in my opinion. In a book from Erich Fromm (The art of loving) I read, love is described as an action, something you do. In order to love we should feel responsibility, care, respect and have insight in that person. It even says that in order to love, we should love everyone, but I’m not sure about that. I do think that it’s possible to love everyone, but I’m not willing to. To love freely, you shouldn’t expect anything in return, but it also explains that if that’s not the case, trouble can come in all ways.

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smgreen (93) (@shirleygreen) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

From my experience, and my point of view, i feel like if it’s someone you love and the person loves you back; go for it. Even if it ends, it will be something unique, and good lessons will come out of it. Be here now. Try not to think about the tommorrow, think about how you can enjoy it in the moment!
may the universe guide you with diamond light

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Penguin (0) (@Penguin101) 3 years, 1 month ago ago
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Penguin (0) (@Penguin101) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

@potshotgeneral, your post literally made my heart almost stop in my chest. You’ve just described my existence for the last 6 months. It’s come to a head this morning and I’ve decided to walk away but the ache in my chest is stronger than before and I’m praying that in time the pain will dull somewhat. It’s crazy how heartbreak, true heartbreak is a physical pain. :(

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nyx (12) (@wanderingmoons) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

love shouldn’t be about possession so if you really love someone you will let them live and grow and not be quick to pick them from your garden but to respect their wishes.

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nyx (12) (@wanderingmoons) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

and in return if they love you back they will respect you and not be quick to pick your from their garden but they will let you live and grow also until both of you are ready.

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

You’re a humble wise soul. So pleasant to read.

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nyx (12) (@wanderingmoons) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

this brings joy to heart and it encourages me to grow more and more, thank you very much.

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

wise indeed! :) <3

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embracingtheinsanity (0) (@embracingtheinsanity) 2 years, 2 months ago ago

I agree with you all. So refreshing to see that people can learn to accept us just as we are. We are not meant to keep in touch with everyone and sometimes other people come along when you are paying attention to the world around you so it is ok to drift from your ex partners if they do not want that same relationship. I always say the universe will have its way with us if we are paying attention.

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

Boys and girls CAN’T just be friends..

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

But can you say the same about unfriendly lesbians?

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

incorrect hahaha i have countless female friends,

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

But do you have feelings for any of them or vice-versa?

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

no they’re just friends. You make a lot of them while travelling. not every guys head revolves around sex. you watch too much tv if you believe that shit haha, I have many female and male friends. I’m attracted to a fraction of them. I dont know why people make it sound like its such a difficult thing. Its not that boys and girls cant be friends, its the person who says that, that has the problem with the sex their attracted too being friends.

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

Listen,

If you are heterosexual there is no way you can be JUST friends with a girl, unless you are not attracted to her at all. Sure, you can hang around girls without having any feelings for them, but you can’t be friends with them (i.e. have deep relationships). No way.

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

what are you talking about haha, are you asking me questions or answering them for me?

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

how can you possibly know me, better than me? thats absurd haha

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

What is your definition of a friendship?

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

someone who i love, who i do not wish to have sex with.

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

Beside, keep in mind I was talking about feelings, not necessarily sexual drive.

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

yeah im talking about feelings. I have many examples but i’ll give you two as you seem to have a problem with trying to comprehend it at the moment :P lol

I have two female friends, One is from australia, the other is from poland, they are both pretty. I had every reason to be attracted to them if i wanted to be. But i was interested in another girl, so i became friends with these two girls as i was working with them, and we became very close friends. I now see them more as sisters than as friends. But they are not sisters, and if for what ever reason i decided to see them any other way i could do so if i chose to. But i like our friendship exactly as it is and do not wish to spoil it with sex.

the males you are reffering too are the uneducated ones. please dont compare me to people you have met before because i assure you i am quite unique.

you have never met me before and i would prefer it if you acted that way. rather than acting as though you can speak for me.

also hinting that im not able to follow the conversation by stating that you were talking about feelings and not sexual drive. I know exactly what you are talking about you dont need to clarify. also you avoided answering my questions.

i have nothing to prove to you. i just gave you my opinion.

you can choose whether or not you want to believe me thats up to you.

I can honestly say i wont let it bother me :P

but please avoid answering questions for me.

I am perfectly capable of answering them for myself :P

haha you are a funny character arent you :) i like you lol

enjoy your day.

nice speaking with you.

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

I don’t have anything against you, and sorry if you felt neglected, but the way the human body is built make us unable to interact with a person of the opposite gender in a deep relationship without one starts to feel emotions for the other person.

Are you sure you wouldn’t take the chance if one of your two female ‘friends’ offered you to be more than just ‘friends? – And are you sure they don’t have any feelings for you, what so ever?

Yeah, I have seen a girl and a boy be together without they are having a relationship, but every single time (without any exceptions) one of them has feelings towards the other. Most of the time it is the boy (i.e. friend zone), but that isn’t necessarily the case for you. I don’t know you that much.

Of course, you can hang out with a girl (even on a 1-1-basis), but there is NO WAY you can be JUST FRIENDS with her. Look it up, and read a little about the psychological aspect of it. :)

Have a nice day!

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

The way the human body is built? You don’t know what you’re talking about. My closest friends always have been females which doesn’t necessarily mean we’d make a good match. Don’t tell people to look up something you never lived. You don’t have to necessarily like them this way, you know? Say if you’re male or female gay there would be no way you’ll be just friends with other gays because their bodies are built like that?

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

i think they mean well, just a little misunderstood is all :)

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

by they i mean people who don’t think on our wave length.

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

no offense to the people not on our wave length.

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

lol :D

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

neglected? care to elaberate why you think that haha?

I can assure you i wouldn’t take the chance. haha you’re impossing how you react onto the world outside of you stop it its wierd!! lol we just want to be your friend stop telling us how we’re thinking. lol you seem so sure you have me figured out its hilarious?? haha add me on facebook. you can talk to my friends all you like.

i think you’re confused :) we’re not on the same wave length, or i’m confused :) or all of them.

you are treating the people you talk too like they are not people but subjects to be studied. I’m afraid you’re missing the point of life :)

i’ve read on it extensively. And i’ve made my own opinion up which is apparently very different to yours :P

enjoy your day too. :)

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

dont have so little faith in the good that mankind can be capable of because you choose to focus on the bad ;) <3 you’ll understand one day if not now.

peeeeeaaaaaaace :)

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Graschi (62) (@graschi) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

Just curious, bro, how many friends do you have?

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

add me on facebook and find out.

tentninja@gmail.com

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

by find out i mean watch the quality of the conversations i have, not count how many facebook friends i have.

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iXfactor (115) (@Xtine) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

New perspective on the topic: I’m straight and my love is gay!
When I confessed my love for the best friend, he simply said, “I love you too, but I will never be IN love with you.”
This is obviously a movie plot for the latest romcom, but it pains me to accept mere friendship with the guy I saved myself for and imagined a legitimate future with.
Nevertheless, the lesson is TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET. Friendship beats loneliness. Also, at the end of the day, love and intimacy are two different things. Fucking someone and making love are completely separate. Compatibility and togetherness are not necessarily correlated. That known, it’s wonderful if the knot is tied, but many can live in lust without love and lustless love. Think of polyamory or dareIsay, being gay- these is an alternative sexual identities witch love and lust correlate positively to create our new generation paradigm of human Love relationship.

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wemjii (1) (@wemjii) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

I have found it almost near impossible to do. Sometimes staying just friends feels like drowning and she is just watching.

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Lionheart (15) (@TigerRush) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

Love is a flower, you don’t pick a flower because it cease to become the thing you love. Love is about appreciation not pocession

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tearoom (6) (@tearoom) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

Yes! I use their hardon to hang my wet beach towels to dry in the wind

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Blah (361) (@tentninja) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

i think that if you need to ask that maybe you dont know what love is? :)

i think the love is… returned.

if your love is true, then it is felt by all those involved.

if you love, you are always a friend.

Love has nothing to do with sex, this is a confusion. The sex is just an added bonus.

Sex is just what we need to do to make more little yous.

If you dont feel you can just be a friend with someone you love, then its not love, its more of an obsession.

Love is not obsessive or unsure.

Love knows what is right and what its needs to do and why it needs to do it.

Nothing is hard when you have love to power you, so if you find it hard to do anything for the one you love then maybe it isnt real love?

if you doubt and have to ask maybe it isnt love at all?

maybe you are confused or maybe you are not?

watch this video, i think its amazing and explains a lot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2WVm7WDpOk

i love that video :)

“ohh my god…. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. oh man,
Love is immortality.
Love is listening to a beautiful song that induces cathartic, emotive transcendence.
Yano, Love is goosebumps.
Love is ascetic rest
Love is to be beheld.
Its what the poet, Roland Barth calls ‘Fulfilment’.
that which exceeds totality.
Literally,
To be more than full, that you spill over.
You know, love is cartharist, but love is tears.
But tears that feel like an orgasmic release of emotion.
Love is infinity.
Love is what you want to stretch on forever.
Love is living inside of a pop song.
Love is, yano, that Richard Linkladder movie, before sunrise yano,
When two lovers meet on a train on the way to Vienna.
and spend the whole movie, the whole evening together,
talking about life and love and death and fear and anxiety
AND CONNECTING!
Two minds, two souls, literally merging into one another!
and the evening that holds the possibility of immortality,
right, true love that will save us,
remember, the religious solution, the romantic solution to the death problem.
So love will save us!
But in that movie, which takes place almost in real time
dawn then arrives, right and thats loves ageing,
thats the inability to bare loves ageing
theres that scene when its morning,
and you see his face all melancholic as he realises that the night is over.
and not that he loves her any less,
but that life goes on and he has to go and they’ll get busy.
and task based existence will start seeping over into the fantasy they were having the night before.
and then he goes,
he sits back and he looks at a clock and its Vienna,
and its historical and its beautiful.
and he goes:
“But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
‘O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.”

“’In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.”

love is the beauty and the promise of immortality,
and its also its the joint mourning of lovers that know that they might die
and so love is the answer to the problem of human existence
but it doesn’t solve the problem of human existence.”

Jason Silve – Love

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Soumya Dhani (0) (@SoumyaDhani) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

I dated a guy for over an year. We were in love but then we had to break up due to circumstantial reasons. But we were also great friends all along, and we continue to talk every day since our break-up (which was last December)…. So I KNOW it is possible. One thing that might have helped is that we never really nurtured the thought of marrying each other, we just went with the flow… and what we had was amazing. So we decided to not give up on everything that was a part of ‘us’.
We didn’t talk for a month, then talked, then again didn’t talk… there are complications which may lead to conflict… but the time apart, actually gives you the space to clear things in you own head and heart, and handle your relationship in a balanced way thereafter. It’s a choice you have to make… whether that person is valuable enough for u to keep in your life.

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Erik (2) (@percypervin) 3 years, 6 months ago ago

Thank you :)

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Marlon (97) (@shoeopener) 3 years, 1 month ago ago

It’s easy to say when you’re practically sterile!

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