I don’t really know how to describe this feeling other than "burned out." I just finished my senior year of high school, and things have changed a lot. Friends I thought I would never lose are now gone, and it’s pretty weird. I’m getting pretty sick of the people I keep meeting too; I find that everyone I come across is either a bum, obsessed with money, or obsessed with drugs. It may be the backwards-ass town that I live in, but it seems like everyone is so into material possessions; it’s kind of scary not being able to have a legitimate friendship with anyone. I miss the good old days when being someone’s friend wasn’t about the bills in your wallet, or how awesome your plans for the night are. I’m scared that it won’t ever be that way again, because it seems like, as people get older, they get more turned on to the idea of incentives. I feel like people are only friends because they each have something the other person wants.
I’m moving to a big city in the fall to start school. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to start fresh over there and I’ll be happy, but I have this feeling that people are essentially the same, no matter where they live. I want to make a real friend, more than anything in the world, but I’m scared there aren’t any "real friends" left. Has anyone else had this feeling?
hey alex, well, you can have one already if you want :)
i’ve been through the same years ago. and you’re definitely far from alone today. i think you’ve travelled quite a way by spelling all this out to yourself. many people never even make it that far, so you’re quite good actually :) other folks will have that moment when they hit 45, so better now than then on a 50th birthday party of yours when you realize you like noone you invited and you married that partner because he/she fit in with those money-loving friends of yours — or what do you think?
about the next station: big city is always good for that. the more people, the more diversity. you’ll be around enough people. it however takes some instinct to develop to not always go after the loud people, or the same you’ve been going after so far. i suspect that you also like an adventure from time to time, so you’ll have to take care to find a good balance between the action-but-a-bit-superficial and the deep-but-not-so-agile folks. quiet can mean deep (.. or just quiet :). so maybe think about what kind of people you and your attention are attracted by, and why.
about the burn-out feeling: actually you’re lucky to have it right now. imagine working a hard job and 3 children and being indebted :) so use whatever freetime you have before college to relax from that burn-out kind of habits. let it sink in that you’re starting a new section of your life. relax before the circus goes in another round in college. most importantly, try to stay mindful during college. even if there are many courses and social events, always take the time to ask yourself: how is my social life ATM? how does that make me feel? etc… good luck