Can a relationship work if one person is religious and the other isn’t?

Profile photo of Noel Noel (@noel) 5 years, 12 months ago

Hi guys. I just became a member literally like 5 mins ago but this question has been on my mind forever. The only two serious relationships I’ve been in, both guys were more religious than me. The first one, the guy was just way too intense. I ended it and he became a pastor, so it all worked out best in the end. And now the guy that I was dating (we’re on a break right now) is still more religious than me though not as much as the first guy. I’m still trying to figure out my own beliefs so I just feel lost when it comes to this topic. What do you guys think?

October 19, 2011 at 11:00 pm
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jayki (10) (@jayki) 1 year, 9 months ago ago

Religion is direction. Opposites attract. So if one person has no direction and the other has all the direction chances are they will love each other. So long as the one with the direction is patient and understanding. (From someone who has been with two religious women in the past one who is patient and understanding and the other who was not.)

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Thoms (0) (@Thomasaar8) 10 months, 1 week ago ago

I Am wondering about the same thing. In a relationship that we both see going long term, but she is a christian. Usually not a problem for me, but she wants it to be a important part of her life, but i can’t be a part of a christian life. Love her so much, the last thing I want is to end this..

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optimistic1 (1) (@optimistic1) 10 months, 1 week ago ago

i think its best if both are either religious or not religious because the moment you believe in different things, the more quarrels and misunderstandings you are likely to have….unless if you are able to compromise and understand each other but i dont know how that will happen. rather be on the same page

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galba003 (0) (@galba003) 1 month, 1 week ago ago

I was dating a girl I met at work, and I knew she was a Chrsitian. It took me about 6 months to ask her to go out, as I was getting to slowly know her. We went out, and I made my intentions with her very clear in the beginning that I wanted to be in a long-term relationship, and I did not want to just have a fling. I also disclosed early on what my beliefs are. I explained that I do not know who, or what is God, but believe in doing the right thing, and loving and respecting people. 

We dated for 2 years and she admanatly told me she was happy to be with me, and was the best boyfriend she ever had. She always worried that if we broke up other woman will take advantage of my good-hearted nature.  Whenver we talked about our beliefs I always respected hers and never asked her to devonvert or tell her her belifs were flawed. I always tried to show similarities in what I believe and listened to what she thought. Despite our differenes in belief I thought as long as we focused on the similarites, respected eachother, and were willing to work on our relationship happyness was inevitable. Although she was Christian, we both were not virgins when we started dating. She called me after I got out of work and said she wanted to not “make love” (have sex) until we were married. I agreed and respected her wishes as she was finally able to tell her mother she was not a virgin after hiding it for almost 3 years. I was ecstatic to hear her finally telling her parents the truth. I told her I did not begin this relationship for sex, if so, I would have left a long time ago. 

I then asked if she was okay marrying someone who did not share the exact same beliefs? She told me she was hoping I would see things her way, and be saved. I told her I respect her beliefs and I agree with most of the teaching of Jesus and the Bible. However, there are some things I cannot agree with and blindly accept as objective truth, and if we strived to adhere to the Bible as literal interpratation and rules, we would only be dissapointed and it will be difficulty to meet those standards. However, I understand how her faith helps her get through lifes struggles. It felt mutual as it seemed I was the only one willing to work it out, and the only one who kept the promise to always work it out if we loved eachother. We texted about a month after and I asked 2 questions that I kept thinking about as I read other peoples experiences:

Was I a bad influence in her life? Was I pulling her away from her faith?

She asked why I was asking these questions, and replied, “You were not pulling be away, but you did not support me either.”

I know I should have particiapted in her life at Chuch more, but it seems she would not have accepted me being there if I was not 100% devoted to what they were teaching. The last time I went with her the sermon was about marriage and relationships. I actually liked the sermon, and took what was said and implemented it in our relationship. There were some items that I did not agree with, but the underlying message stayed. I told her that even though we believe different things, we still have more in common. She replied with, “we had more in common because I was not right with God. Not that I am right with God we have nothing in common.”

I could not believe she thinks that, and I worry she took the easy way out, and could not help accept that she could be in live with someone who thinks differently than she is. She says I do not have a relationship with God, but think she wants me to have a relationship with her God, and not my own. I gave her many attempts to leave the first few months, and always told her that if a relationship with me was something she was not sure of then we should end it. It kills me that she waited 2 years to basically say, we cannot be together because you cannot see things the way I do, and she said she was sorry for not keeping her promise of making it work. She cannot explain why she broker her promise. 

I feel like I am moving on, but I know that the feelings we had were real, and not sure if the issues she had/ or still may have with her parents is a underlying reason to end this relationship. I feel as if she is putting more pressure to meet her parent’s expectations, after failing them so many times in her life with school, and past relationships. Her parents were extremely nice people, and appreciated me for caring for thier daughter the way I did. I always looked out for her best interests, and gave her advice and motivation. Her parents of course are devout, and are not saying anything to her cause she is/has rekindled her relationship with God. 

Is there still a chance that she can see past her dogma and realize what we had was real?

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