Fuck this, fuck him, fuck it all
Seriously someone help me out here…
Tell me how to let it all go. Give me a fool proof method to escape these stupid stupid STUPID dilemmas..
I realize that they’re small and they don’t matter, but they still just bother the shit out of me…
I can’t meditate, I can’t even focus.
I’ve become THAT whiny person.
..And then I won’t complain to you HEthens ever again
You need about 3 months of pure dedication to “change” your “bad” habits.
You have to accept these things – meditation, focusing, self-belief, self-control, confidence.
All I’m going to say now.
No one can’t meditate. Its just that they don’t.
Its very much like placebo – you MUST believe in it for it to work, or it does nothing.
If you do not believe in it, then you’ll just chase your tail.
This does not, however, make it some kind of “fake” thing – indeed it is the opposite, it shows the power of your own perceptions over your life. Belief in one thing can change your life.
@cpugh9, learning to focus is hard at first, because you’re not accustomed to it yet, you’ve forgotten what it feels like to focus your energies. I’m in the process of learning this myself, becoming more conscious of all my thoughts and actions.
Step by step:
1. Turn off as many distractions in your house as possible – tv, computers, and even lights ( makes for a good reason to get out some candles)
2. Get into some comfortable clothes and boil a cup of your favourite hot tea
3. Sit in your favourite spot in your house with a nice window to look out. Get a nice pillow to sit cross legged on and drape a warm blanket over your shoulders.
4. Close your eyes, listen to your breath, notice how soft and fleshy your entire being is.
5. Do this for as long as possible up to a half hour – a trance like relaxation should even occur
6. Take solace in knowing you can get back to your modern day goodies once this is over. You will also be a bit more healthier mentally.
@cpugh9, If your current living situation is so bad maybe you should change it? Go work on a cruise ship for a while or something. Don’t sit around wasting your life doing stuff that you hate. Go to Mexico City and become an english tutor. Try something new.
Being stuck in a lousy situation obsessed about some boy isn’t good enough. There are billions of boys and billions of possibilities for your life. Stop complaining about how this one sucks and go do something else.
Meditation is the only way, and you can do it! It’s not a matter of right or wrong, can or can’t just let those thoughts go! Try reading up about it on this site http://www.how-to-meditate.org/breathing-meditations.htm/….just don’t be so hard on yourself meditation is something that comes naturally just keep sitting til you feel the benefits, it will be 100% worth it.
@cpugh9, Hey girl. I know you. I feel you. There’s NOTHING that will comfort you? Like there’s no way out, like why am I so affected by this bull shit I’m stronger than this.
FEEL IT. Keep feeling it. Don’t diminish your feelings or your experience, because it’s YOUR experience, it cannot be defined by what you think you SHOULD be feeling or doing.
Through my own journey I’ve realized it’s unproductive to layer guilt/shame/disgust on top of sadness and anger. THAT is the bullshit. FEEL IT. FEEL the original. There’s intelligence in our emotions.
I’ve actually done this and it really truly helps at the biological level:
Grab a pillow or some kind of inanimate object and hold the shit out of it. Just hold it tight over your heart and imagine it’s that part of YOU that you might be avoiding. That part of YOU that might need to cry for a few hours. Hold yourself, love yourself, if you feel like it’s corny feel that too. Instead of listening to your thoughts, feel the pain in your body. What does your chest feel like? Your heart? Where does it hurt the most? FEEEEEL IT. GO big, let it out, how many tears do you have?
@ijesuschrist, Um sorry, but meditation has nothing to do with believing it works or not. Meditation dives where the mind can’t go. a belief is something that the mind does. If you are going in thinking your going to achieve anything it is actually quite counter productive and set you up for failure as you get alluded with the thought that there’s benefits to it and you start romantizing about it (which can distract you from being aware). Mindfulness includes watching these beliefs as they pass. If you are properly meditating it doesn’t matter wether you believe it or not because the meditative state itself happens on a different level (although not believing it and also getting distracted with the thought keeping you in the reigns of the mind is counter productivr as well). If you have meditated and thought it was going to work and then you got benefits it probably WAS a placebo and you actually weren’t achieving the level of consious awareness that meditation has to offer. Cheers!
Meditation can only go so far. If your worldly vision is constrained you have nothing to work with! Pain is necessary, it tells you that there is more to come and teaches you what you don’t like! Those things might seem pointless to you but don’t worry, in time you will understand.
Don’t think it’s okay to constantly linger on negative thoughts though, it never is. If that’s the case, you need to do some other activities which allow you to shift your mindset and give you broader perspectives.
You don’t need to focus all of the time. That’s why we have entertainment, sad moments, music, companionship :)
@cpugh9, hey, its all in the mind. read the posts on the following thread.
I phrased that wrong it isn’t that I CAN’T meditate it’s that I haven’t been able to, no matter how long I sit and try to clear my head.
@bobbylloydxd, The thing with that is that I’m not extremely unhappy with where I am.. And as much as I sometimes would love to just go away, I wouldn’t want to leave my home because of some prick. Running away isn’t what I feel like I need.. I’m bothered that this guy bothers me, if that makes any sense at all.
@abbeylolee, that’s exactly what I’m trying to do! I love your philosophy on it, and I will definitely try it out. Im just so sick of being this little emotional wreck, it feels like its lasting foreverrrrrrr.
@whitefangk, I think that’s why this whole thing is bothering me so much!!! I’m like some emotional weirdo now, I’m never like this and I don’t know why/when I let this idiot determine my happiness, and it just pisses me off that I ever did. I usually am carefree, and before him I was happy.. I just lost sight of it all at some point and i suppose, that’s why this whole ordeal is so frustrating for me!
@nickc2007, I know that’s the truth, but it fucking sucks having to accept it!
@cognizantelephant, that is some great advice. I know I’m hard on myself but its so frustrating when your only solitary thoughts are just pissed off or depressing, I guess I should just focus on not focusing for a little while!
after you get ready to meditate as @frosted1 described, sit and once you close your eyes play a little game with yourself, pretend you’re underwater except that you can breathe totally fine. Focus on your breathe and how it feels, feel it’s rhythm. then every time a though enters your head, let it go into a little bubble, and let it float up above you until it’s gone. keep doing this until you become one with your breathe.
@cpugh9, This is the problem.
You ask others to fix it for you…
That is the weak-mindedness.
Only you can fix it.
A strong mind is not just the destination, it is the path there as well.
You can’t focus? Well, keep going at it until you succeed.
Don’t give up. Giving up is weak-mindedness.
Strenghten your mind. Choose it, here and now.
That’s really all there’s to it.
All else is just a distraction.
Just hang in there, and keep pushing.
Peace and love
@manimal, I just need to open my eyes!!! The only way I can explain it is nonsensical… And more than anything frustrating. None of it matters I’m aware of that, I’m not unhappy, but I’m not happy and I’m not doing what i want. I know I need to be independent, I’m just being impatient. Thanks for the advice!
Hopefully this should put you at ease as far as meditations concerned. It’s not about silencing the mind, it’s about seeing where your mind goes. It’s impossible to get the mind to just shut up, but it’s the act of observing your thoughts to see if the ones that pop up regularly are the right ones. You shouldn’t be able to not think, you’re a living, breathing human!
it sounds like youre really beating yourself up about the way youve been thinking. just accept them. over time, theyll go away. but if you keep trying to run from them, they will follow you.
think of thoughts the same way you think of people. when people wont leave you alone, it means they at least want to be heard. there are 2 things you can do to make tenacious people go away. you could ignore them, or you could just hear them out until they have nothing more do say. treat your thoughts like this.