Deal-Breakers in Relationships
Do you have any? This can be any sort of relationship. Romantic, friendship, etc.
What has shaped them? In other words, how did you come up with them and have you ever ignored them?
ill be honest and answer your question in a way where women may not appreciate my honesty:
disclaimer, i’m 31 now, so ive gone through the college experience and fallen for the wrong people because they are exciting, etc.
now i feel like the things i value are:
-not being fat or ugly but not being ridiculously picky as long as they are cute and not overweight
-the ability to be myself and to express my viewpoints and share commentary with them and they’re able to respond
-low key and not desiring to always make petty quarrels, instead, easy and chill to be around
i think a lot of the other stuff you can train them to do properly or compromised
If they are …
• unintelligent (FR)
• not interested in at least some things I love (FR)
• very arrogant OR very timid (FR)
• self-destructive (FR)
• dogmatic (FR)
• close-minded (FR)
• unhygienic (FR)
• very overweight (R)
• very unattractive (R)
• unkind (FR)
• often dishonest and/or petty (FR)
R: romantic relationship
• is close-minded
• isn’t feminine
• is unhealthy
• is unfit
• is boring
• has no life on her own, just tries to ride my wave
• is dumb as a brick
• is a vegetarian/vegan
• is a frequent drinker/smoker/drugger
• watches tv, reads gossip magz and fashion/cooking blogs
• has a radical political stance
• has a bunch of mental hangups about everything
• makes a big deal out of things
• doesn’t do anything
• doesn’t have a sense of humour
• can’t say a full sentence without a “like” or an “errr”
• is generally annoying
• is no good in bed
• needs constant care and attention
…then she can fuck right off.
There is no place in my life for someone like that, if that’s what I wanted I would get a job taking care of retards and old people or something like that. But that’s not what I want yknow, I want someone that’s actually nice having around. Someone I can wake up next to and think “hell yeah,” not “god I hate my life” or “meh.”
A girl who has something to offer, that’s all I want, but it’s pretty fucking rare these days.
Maybe not to you, and I would say the same about you.
You are, of course, entitled to your opinions… and, of course, I do not care about your projection.
Nothing’s wrong with disciplined, compassionate, passionate humans. Those are the best.
Ideologists, however, are not of that category. They like to think they are, but they’re not.
They like to make up silly non-arguments for their ideologies, in the case of vegetarians a good example would be the notion that their fanatic lifestyle is healthy… which it isn’t at all. Or the pretentious claim that they have more respect for life… but when it comes to fish and plants its ok to be as brutal as you want… hilarious.
You see, intelligence is something I value highly, something I love, something I enjoy and admire. Intelligence is not only very attractive, it also improves a woman’s performance in relationships.
I love intelligent women, they’re the best… and ideologists are just plain dumb. Not just dumb, but they also like to preach their shit and whine and nag and generally be a thorn in everybody’s side.
Nobody in their right mind wants to keep that around.
I know what I want, and I know what I deserve. While you may think I’m not worth much, there’s plenty of others who disagree. I’m not some run-of-the-mill couch potato good for nothing pseudo-man, I have some qualities yknow. And I don’t want some dead weight who doesn’t match that.
While I have these demands, I also expect to be put to the test thoroughly.
It’s all or nothing, I don’t do half-hearted pointless relationships.
And for friendship, well pretty much the same things apply.
Don’t want no jackasses just trying to ride my wave. Those are not friends of mine.
Same goes for the people who “are just nice,” they have no place in my life, I do not care for their sickening lies and pathetic ways.
I don’t have high standards, really, it’s just most people having ridiculously low standards.
@manimal, I would have to put most of my list with yours. I like what you said about standards ”I don’t have high standards, really, it’s just most people having ridiculously low standards.” Everyone says I’m too picky, but maybe they just aren’t picky enough. I don’t want someone that isn’t going to be the best person for me and will not be a joy to be around. I would rather be alone then in some shit relationship because I dropped my standards.
I have two deal breakers that I think everyone should abide by..they are abuse and cheating. Neither one are acceptable in any relationship and I would be gone in a second if either happened in my relationship.
I’ve actually been ignoring all those “values” or pro-claimed desires, at first it did make me Socially autistic. But never the less the pull for such desires are always at hand since my entire or anyone else has had the same conditioning for the appetite of a relationship building psyche.
But still i have tried to gain a romantic relationship in high school, but my pull for being oneself is to desirable for me and made quite unlikable you can say. And very tired to try to ‘build’ a relationship, and with that has actually made me socially unacceptable. People that care about Sexual intention such as in all relationships, and people that i know are stunned to find out I’m a virgin, but that has truly never bothered me. But Still is very confusing …
I would love to say I’m not shallow or slightly phobic without just cause but then I’d be nearing perfection, which I’m not and be lying which Irritates me…there is no person or kind of person I hate or disk like based on skin color or sexual orientation I just have a bias and a type blonde tan and blue eyes I stay closely to that. Also none of my preferences have anything to do with the other person they all stem from my own fears issues etc.
-Fat/overweight (I’m looking for people to push me mentally, if I look better i slack off)
-If you hit on me especially in a creepish way
-compulsive use of ‘like’
-vegan/vegetarian AND PUSHY ABOUT IT
-make me a sandwich
-420 smoker (this is no longer valid but if anyone other than my current bf like a future one did it would be intolerable idk why my bf now is the exception)
-pasty white (vampire)
For male friends:
-hits on me
-nonstop talking about sex
-24/7 party boy
-disloyalty to a bro especially a best friend
-abusers wife/gf beaters
For female friends:
-Homosexual orientation (had this fear a long time stems mostly from a past of emotional abuse from females and dislike of female gender)
-slutty/whore attitude, cheaters
That’s all I can think of at the moment, basically I hate cheaters physically abusive controlling bossy backstabbing disloyal people. I also can’t stand the I’m too rich for this room attitude. Give me chill smart people I can hangout with and not end in drama!!
About the only reason I would not be with a woman is if she was not in to me. But I would like her to take care of herself and have confidence, I don’t mind if she is a big girl as long as she is not dirty or shy. Not a fan of morbidly overweight though.
Everyone’s so unique & anyone can offer you something along the way. I don’t like sticking to one person at a time for that reason, I find it extremely limiting (I’m very honest & upfront about that though). With that said…my only deal breakers (aside from simply no chemistry) are people that are:
For friends, I’m very selective these days since turning to Buddhism as a guideline. I cut out all of the fluff and got left with a handful. I wanted to be surrounded by those that bring out something more of me. Deal breakers for friends…
– Non mentally stimulating.
– Loss of self ambition. (Not reaching to gain more. Most likely to be the ones to take the information handed to them without questioning it.)
– Overly sexual.
– A lack of willingness to be humble.
– Mean, rude, disrespectful, prideful.
For relationships, it’s about the same. Friends however I tend to be a bit more lenient with because I am not surrounded by them most often. A partner I am, so I tend to be more aware of all behavior.
– Sadly, if they are a bad kisser.
– Being two faced.
– Someone who is judgmental.
– Abuse, neglect.
– Cheating and not telling me about it.
– General dishonesty.
for a relationship partner:
– being a retard (includes being dogmatic, not open-minded, having no humor, etc.)
– being ugly / fat (doesnt have to be skinny tho … most important part of the body is the face, a little fat is okay)
– not being honest
for normal friends I often want to hang around with:
– being a retard (look above)
– not being honest
for everyone else:
– nothing, really, I basically like all people from the start, the things above are just required to be a really good friend / girlfriend
It’s weird when people have so much deal-breakers but don’t include not being able to make a compromise as one, but then again, everyone is stupid.
For me in a superficial sense actually it is lack of hygiene, and gross sounds. It is a pet peeve of mine that if a person hacks I curl up and say “DISGUSTING” I value most other forms of loudness of self, and in fact encourage it. Be who you are, dress how you’d like be honest about yourself. Just don’t be disgusting, clean up after yourself and I will politely do the say :)
As for more inter-personal reasons, I would say
The inability to want to go outside with me and explore nature and all it’s wonders, makes for a dull partner.
I want a person who likes spending time with me not because it is easy but because they agree with my values and morals, and like that about each other.
I have to be with someone that doesn’t make me feel crazy when I express radical ideas but still expresses how they feel and doesn’t shame me for believing otherwise and questions why I believe rather than belittle my opinion right off the bat.. (This is a hard one to find)
Strong religious views that interfere with our daily life. If you have to give money to the church when we need money to support the ignorance of a belief and feel good about yourself, then I am going to spend my money on things that make me feel good like a new PS3 and go on meditation quests and give a guru a shit ton of money. (Agnostic atheists are preferred)
I like a women that knows what she wants, and what she wants to do in life.
A women that is able to deduce things about myself I may have yet realized.
Even being a bit pragmatic from time to time Is enjoyable for debate porposes.
A women who is encouraging, and hopeful- though being un-hopefull I will be there for them regardless unless it is taken for granted
.Interested in the science, the arts and music, philosophies and books and video games are a win, because these are things I hold in high status and I wouldn’t find a lot to talk about without their burning desire to talk about it as well.
Anyone who is overtly cruel to animals, (don’t care if you eat them, no hunting, no abuse, big empathy for animals appreciated)
Lucky I’ve found a person that meets me half way and we can further ourselves through our darkest times.
We are strong on our own but invincible in the eyes of the challenges we face.
We would only truly grow apart do to carelessness. Relationships take work :) The kind of work that should come naturally.
@everymorningbornfromtheashes, Big List…. No hunting, but eating animals is OK????
Only one big dealbreaker for me, not wanting to have fun and a laugh. In fun I would include meeting people, having a joke and going on mad ones. If you can have a good auld laugh with someone the rest will follow.
@chekovchameleon, It is good to be picky considering meaningful relationships wind up just hurting everyone haha. I included things I appreciate not just deal breakers.
It is a strange concept I suppose it is even hypocritical. But free range animals whoms propose is to produce (eggs food cheese products (products it already makes in a non intrusive way) and animals given healthy food and a good life raised in a good place fed well with adequate space to live and breed seems like a waste to not eat the nutritious meat left behind. Like the natives of America knew not to hunt in excess and pic away the beasts that died off of old age. And thanked the animal in deeply before consumption, I justify my natural urge for meat with the circle of life. But that doesn’t mean I am not sentient enough to understand what beings experiences pain. I try my hardest to not go looking for violence with animals, very pure and innocent Earth inhibitors like myself. My fiance’ is vegetarian, and I eat organic free range. That is my life style, so that is my justification on why I do what I do. What are your opinions on that??
Fair enough, I was just genuinely curious because it sounded a bit strange to me, but hey, horses for courses. Personally I have nothing against hunting as long as it is not a hunt. I don’t know about where you’re are from but here, up until recently, about 50 people on horse back with a hundred dogs used to go out and chase and hunt foxes, and called it a hunt, more of a massacre to me, I believe if you’re not going to eat what you kill you have no right to kill it.
I think it’s better to have as many fun relationships as you can until you find the one, if there is one, unsure about monogamy myself. The way I see it is if it doesn’t work out, it might hurt but hey fuck it. Just chalk it down to experience and move on.
Haha, I see where you are coming from but as far as relationships go that is what works for me. :) I have had all my fun and found it detrimental in deciding that when you have hurt or been hurt enough is enough time to grow up. @chekovchameleon, I am really sorry to hear about the massacre of foxes like that :( I am actually from a farm state (Wisconsin usa.) So sad the factory farms. Why not just wait and let nature do it’s thing. Humans are opportunists, I think we need to wait for the fruit to fully ripen and the meat to stop moving before we make our profit.
I guess I can not say that hunting and using every part of the animal is a bad thing. But if I have a problem eating its brain or heart I most likely wont kill it haha. I guess physical violence and emotional violence is not in my nature, but I do like paying respect to the animal as it is of no use to the world other then for soil or decay or energy.
Good talking with you learned a lot on about a different view of omnivorousness on a relationship thread haha. :) Peace.
@chekovchameleon, Also I believe in not staying with someone that is counter intuitive to your goals in life etc, and staying with someone that has drastically changed (bringing unhappiness) means it is time to let go.