It’s like my over-reactive mind just can’t handle it. I’m predicting outcomes, judging people to the extreme, picking up strange vibes, finding my own voice strange, seeing the negative side in everything. It’s like I’m stuck in a bubble!. I usually end up embarrassing myself, and can’t focus. Why do I find normal life so strange? I can’t cope with it. I’m so serious and scared. I don’t understand why my emotions become so uncontrollable. What is it that makes me feel this way? Why am I so intensely scared?
I’d be interested in your opinions. Perhaps I’m just not living in the now. But even when I try and let go, I just can’t do it. It’s like my primal mind goes into overdrive. How do I combat this? It’s causing me so much pain. I just can’t see things as they are, just abstractions. It’s worrying me and getting me into loads of dangerous situations. You wouldn’t believe the trouble it causes. I’m worried it’s eventually going to be the end of me. It’s like your first speech, I just seize up and can’t concentrate. I don’t think logically, and afterwards I look back and just have so much regret.
I just feel depressed. The world seems so full of pain and suffering. I don’t want to run away and ignore it.
What is this?
If you become too depressed you can become psychotic so that might be the reason why you have weird sensations all over. You have to find the reason of your depression and handle that. You say the world is a depressing place, but there are also good things on this world. If you manage to help people that are suffering you will feel fulfilled afterwards, so finding something meaningful to do with your life can help.
Depression can be clinical.
Ah, existence! There is one proven cure, one remedy that is guaranteed to end the nonstop thoughts, intense emotional ups and downs, sensory overloads and physical entrapment–
The law of our minds is that opposites go full circle to create one in the same- the human experience is constant suffering, so that means we’re also constantly happy; it’s a matter of which one is in your conscious that paints your picture of reality. Be happy- easier said than done obvi. Try the ‘fake it til you make it’ approach- act happy via the ego and soon the soul will catch on and feel happy. I wish you and the rest of the 7 billion the best in making it work this time around! :]
Sounds like disassociation. I have it. For me, makes things seem hyper fake, almost so plainly simple…until I start thinking about reality, and how I can possibly exist.
It’s scary, but beautiful.
Excuse me, *dissociation.
@timoteo, I hadn’t heard of him before but it comforts me knowing he’s a doctor. I’ll have a look. What are the main things he talks about?
@peacelove, I’m not sure it is clinical. I think it’s perhaps from thinking too deeply. My young and naive mind never got affected by any of it. But the more philosophy and stuff I read, the more I can’t contain my mind, especially in every day circumstances with normal people. I seem to be a very empathic person too, I pick up vibes and feelings easily, watching a film can make me very emotional, listening to music has the same effect, listening to arguments and even staying in a certain area also plays with my head. I can’t get used to this urban way of life. I fear cities, I’m afraid of dying or being hurt, I don’t get on with extroverts usually and things can trigger panic attacks easily (even arguments on facebook). Deep down there’s a sensible side in me that isn’t afraid and wants to just live life but my layers of honesty keep becoming harder and harder to reach. And when I do get in a certain mindstate, I’ll take it way too far. I’ll take generosity to the extreme, I’ll hate everything one day and love it the next. I can quite easily adopt personas (not by choice) But I want to appreciate life without getting wrapped up in my own little world. I hate this illusion.
@xtine, I’m not sure it is that though. This has only happened more recently, since I’ve had more contact with people. Seeing everyone wrecklessly trying to ‘improve’ their lives totally weirds me out. I feel very disconnected. I would never want to fake it though. I suppose fooling your primate mind isn’t such a unjust thing.
@tearemuptara, It’s sounds very much like that. Like daydreaming whilst driving the car, in your own little world. People often tell me that I seem very out of it. I can act very clumsily sometimes, with so much stuff to worry about. I think the future is what scares me the most, the fact that anything could happen. It’s hard to stay in the now when I’m in a city where I have to keep my guard.
I can very much relate to everything you have posted, my friend. The only thing I will say that differs, is that, more often than not, it tends not to be depressing thoughts, and more so feelings of astonishment. I used to always think negative – in that sense that I never took anything or anyone at face value. I’ve learn to give the benefit of the doubt here and there….
Sometimes I will be walking down the street and feel like I’m experiencing the motions of everyday life for the first time; this is when I step back and realise just how…fucking crazy everyday living can be, ya know?
Whenever I see someone injured or homeless, or both, it’s not pity I feel…I just feel. My whole body just feels it. It may not be such a strange thing to say on here, as one way or another, we’re all on the same page, or at least trying to get there. But for a lot of people, it is so easy to walk by a person who is suffering, even if it isn’t obvious suffering.
Can I ask how this is causing you pain? I’d really like to know. I have leanred to find the oddities in the habitual comings and goings of other people as amusing, even my own life. Just life in general is quite amusing, strange, scary, beautiful, and all and everything in between.
@wailingmoonman, Yeah, sometimes I feel like that too, it isn’t always depressive thoughts. But it does usually always feel quite intense. It’s just odd to see everyone wrapped up in their own lives, I don’t feel at all part of it. I feel quite lonely, even outcasted. I’m quite self-conscious just walking down the street. My defensive mechanisms go up. I sometimes attract quite bad reactions. All the crazies seem to gravitate towards me. Haha. I’ve been attacked in the street before. Maybe I just look funny? :P
I can totally relate. I have to re-adjust every time I go out. Perhaps it’s just too much solitude and not going out enough? I guess it’s just every day normal for these people, they see all this stuff day in day out.
I see a lot of negative. Perhaps I wouldn’t feel sad looking at a homeless person, but it would conjure all sorts in my mind. It just brings things down to the reality of life I suppose. Seeing all these people blindly living their lives without thinking externally at all makes me quite sad. Maybe I should be trying to connect? Or I’m just too introverted.
I know what you mean, I’m open to experiencing the pain, and I do see beauty and happiness, and just all feelings very easily. I’m over sensetive I think. But usually when I’m negative, I bring out a heck of a lot of negative in people, and get some really hostile reactions. It’s like, because I’m not putting on a front, and pretending to be happy, I’m to be scorned for it, for being myself. Maybe it’s wrong to even act negative, to spread it. But it’s my honest emotions, and I don’t see why people react in a hostile manner. I’m not sure.
@light, I’m not sure it’s derealization, it’s almost the opposite, it’s very intense and everything feels forced upon me. There are times though when I feel very ‘out of it’, and anxious for the future. It all does feel a bit fake actually. It’s like it’s so REAL that it’s not, if that makes sense. Like it’s so extreme that I don’t have an actual grasp on reality. So I guess in that sense yes. A very tight, serious, scared view on life.
Depersonalization, absolutely. Sometimes I really don’t feel in control, I’ll say things my brain doesn’t believe. I’ll be people I’m not. This may just be insecurity though :P. I dont think it’s on the level that it’s a disorder, I think it’s more overthinking, and critically analysing my own thoughts. I can’t relax in my own mind. I’m constantly trying to be as good as I can be. Actually generally I feel very disconnected. But it’s like.. nervousness. Once I break the ice, I’ll start to calm down. Especially in social situations.
I trip out sometimes when I’m with people and I start to look around and pay attention to everyone around me. I start thinking how weird it is and laugh because we are all just monkeys in this particular place and theres so many more talking monkeys out there. jaja But you’re not being negative you’re simply focusing on the negative. It all balances out. There’s as much good as there is bad try to pay attention to the good. There’s so many of us that the possibilities of things manifesting are endless. I mean were all crazy. Some people like to pretend they know what the fuck is going on but they don’t so instead they talk about other relatively pointless shit like sports and tv shows. jaja These are what you call normal people. a@hekmix,
@iamconscious, I really like that. That’s a very natural look upon it. I like just getting back to the basics, per say. We are just animals at our core. Sometimes I think all this thinking is just damaging. But it’s not something you can switch off. That’s some very good information. But I struggle to see the positive sometimes. Music can lift me up straight away, but not much else, that’s the only thing that really ‘cracks’ it. A whole lotta bullshit clogs up in there. We’re all a bit dysfunctional really. I’d rather be aware of my flaws, in any case, though. Do you find supermarkets weird?
@hekmix, Yea we are. Animals cursed with consciousness.Yea When youre being hypercritical about everything than you aren’t living in the now. I struggle too man. Im well aware of all the deception that goes on and it messes me up but at the time I realize that we are all here for a little while and many of these ongoing events were already taking place before i was born and will continue afterwards so why worry so much. Enjoy what you got. Yea I do. I mean any social place can be weird once you start thinking about it. Like Im amused when I go out with my family and I tend to kid around a lot, Im sure most people do but sometimes i continue to when we are out and i can tell theyre trying to act normal in front of other people. Like they get into this mode. I dont blame them. But When i still play around i can tell they dont want to be too weird. Maybe Im just immature. But why? what do you find weird at the supermarket?
@hekmix, Every single day. To quote an image I saw somewhere on this website
“Go lay on the grass in a quiet place…
Take a few deep breaths, relax, and stare up at the sky for a few minutes.
Now realize that you are stuck to a massive rock, 8,000 miles wide… hurtling through space at 70,000 mph… around a gigantic ball of fire burning at 9,941 degrees F (5,550 C)… through a Universe that has no beginning or end.”
@iamconscious, totally. But I find it hard to think rationally when I’m not analyzing stuff. I don’t know whether this is just because of bad habits or what. If I don’t focus I end up embarrassing myself or doing something clumsy/forget to use common sense :P. I’m not sure what it is, how do you concentrate ‘in the now’? I find I’m a very.. long sighted thinker. Conclusions and slow accumulation of knowledge are my thing. I find acting on the spot or under pressure difficult, I get very clammy.
I really just want a normal life, but not in the normal sense people make out. I want natural thoughts and feelings not driven by external stimulus. I want to some how block out that bullshit but accept it. I totally know what you mean about people pretending, I tend to really be able to pick up on that quite easily. It’s not like I don’t, I do when I have to. There are times when I’ve been utmost honest about everything and I’ve found it easier to socialise and navigate life though. But it’s hard to get back into. It felt amazing, just telling everyone 100% what I thought, absolute pure honesty. That would be an ideal world, where we weren’t all deceiving each other and afraid of making fun of ourselves.
I’m my most natural self with my family and friends come to think of it. My family see my ‘broken’ side, my friends may see a more confident me, but that might just be because there is more to talk about. It’s hard to talk to family about a lot, I find. But I do think most seriously when I’m around them, apart from when I’m on my own out and about. That’s when my brain fucks me over. Perhaps I feel I havent proved myself or something.
Haha, yeah, if I’m too weird I instantly get scorned. I take it offensively when I’m trying to put on a front (I try to as little as possible). Need to connect with myself somehow, feel at home.
Supermarkets? Well just generally, everyone walking around with mopey faces in their own little worlds. Such an accumulation of subconscious thought. Then there’s pretentious ‘ole me trying to hate social stigma yet still being ruled by it.
@hekmix, sounds like you need a vacation to your local community park with your good intentions to embrace the simplicity of how life is so grand and should be thus, embraced.
Simple notions upon gratitude and wanting to continue to connect with humanity and fight for causes bigger than yourself is a start.
@evolve, Yeah, I see what you’re saying. I love stuff like that. Reflecting, but not in the solitary confinement of my room where my minds.. sludgy.
That’s it! Perhaps if my passions and motivations were more in tune, I wouldn’t be quite so absorbed by it all. Something to keep me driving forward. I know whenever I am motivated the rest of the stuff that isn’t useful to me becomes a bit of a blur, I get absorbed in what I’m doing, have much higher clarity and don’t even exist in the future. I’m literally just there, immersed. It’s a great feeling. I think my whiny ego sometimes gets in the way. It’s very inspiring seeing people do exactly what they want and pulling it off so well and really utilizing the world around them. I don’t really think we can change the world that much, but we can change our own worlds, and maybe that’ll help?
Maybe I’ll just go see the ducks.
@hekmix, I highly recommend not staying in a building too long unless you’re sleeping. Trust me. Reflection is something we all need to do each and every day.
How about this, eat a healthy meal that you personally love to eat, hydrate yourself with purified water, and go meditate under a sexy tree in public.
That > Therapy/drugs/self-help books/what the fuck ever you’d like to include.
@evolve, Yeah, my room is the bane of my existence. I go a little mad in it. All my personal feelings just run rampant, haha. I need a change of scenery. I find myself much more comfortable in nature. With a tea too of course. I recently got some japanese matcha and I’m really enjoying it. It’s this Vitalife stuff. Bit watery, but my knowledge of good grade matcha is terrible. It tastes nice though, and always leaves me feeling a bit more energetic and calm.
That’s a really nice idea. It doesn’t get more real than that. Away from all the stresses and drama. Maybe just pasta, pasta tastes fresh. Not sure I could do that in public. People around here would throw rocks at me.
I like talking about things and interacting over self help books, I find it much more liberating and true. I try living by principles and it just messes me up. I’m actually really bad at faking it. I’ve read Cloud Hidden by Alan Watts. That book was great, really spun all my thoughts on their head. But it’s very hard to follow the tao of life (which I totally get, I see where Al was coming from, very clever guy) and remain productive. I like a balance of force and flow. Like for sports, that’s all about flow. But some things, like getting out of bed in the morning.. has to be forced.. ;)
But I really do have to control this manic mind I have and overcome these social fears. I’m not at the level where I can remain neutral in stressful situations. I suppose that will just take discipline and will.
@hekmix, you should not be indoors unless you are bathing or sleeping. Read in nature. But spend more time pondering each few pages and reflecting them upon how you can actually use what you’ve read. Give yourself scenarios, etc. Be creative! Experiment! Get friends involved!