How should children be treated?
This is a really loaded and personal topic that has been the main question of my life since I was 13. I have ideals that I think it would be lucky to be able to carry out fully, but obviously you can’t know what will happen. We are all wounded by our parents in some way and forgiveness is a part of life. There’s about a million problems with parenting practices and I will try to be concise. This is mostly a spreading of ideas. I’m not looking for a debate but I would appreciate any feedback.
My basic idea is that preventing family and personal dysfunction depends on parents being mindful at all costs not to establish the belief that they are the authority of their children’s time. Their time is their time. This worries people because parenting has always been about control and discipline. I believe that all the discipline we need is inside when we are born based on our independent spirit, so I feel it is deeply violent for older people to possess younger people and lead them away from that inherent drive. Yes, violence is a piece of nature. But most of us here believe in peace and equality.
An equally important part of it is that we stop creating such a divide between “adult” and “childr”. It becomes an excuse to dehumanize those that depend on us for survival and love with our illusions of superiority.
Natural, unmedicated birth (with room for western medicine if truly necessary) is a widely supported topic I don’t want to elaborate on for sake of time but I fully believe in its necessity for the emotional and physical health for both mother and child. People are resilient though too.
From 0-3 attachment parenting with constant access (not mandatory contact because that is smothering) to the mothers body or a close relative is best to establish connection to the physiological and spiritual continuum of consciousness. The oneness of mother and child is so ingrained in the self concept of a baby that physical separation develops a serious lack of connection to the self and environment. I believe children love to grow and can wean themselves of all dependency naturally, in their own time. But it must be self-chosen. While some may believe this encourages prolonged dependency, I have seen from experience that it does not and only contributes to more responsible “adult-like” young people.
It is also essential that they have the chance to learn to adapt to the movements of the mother’s body and get jostled about and immersed in the activity of the community. They need to get used to the versatility of experience instead of being isolated with only those that are the same age and being consumed with toys that are far removed from any real function to the natural world.
They are animals with instincts to keep themselves safe; we don’t have to guard them from sharp things and ladders and shit because they really do have an inborn sense of their own limits. Let a two year old climb a ladder if they want to. They go slow and careful and ground themselves naturally as they explore.The true line where a parent needs to step in, assert dominance, and tell a child they are endangering their body is miles away from where we have drawn it. I think this creates more hassle for parents and danger for children because they are currently inappropriately testy from being disconnected from their nature.
It is a parent’s job to be the companion that protects the child’s innate creative power by focusing on independent thought and feeling, and encouraging passionate immersion in whatever calls to them. The regimen can be self-initiated. There is no risk of a person not being equipped with life skills when they are respected in their commitment to their own desires.
If a 6 year old loves trains, they will learn to read books about them, and absorb the history and science of them enthusiastically. This means no school, but if they wanted to go to school they could as long as they followed through immersing themselves in it. Whatever they do, they know they must do it fully. But that doesn’t need to be taught!!
I think it’s ideal that they take advantage of the parent’s trades just by being in the environment of it so they have skills early on to make money. It’s not okay to squander the teen years with such oppression and control. Those are the most energetic people in the population! They could contribute so much. I think when they are 13 or so they should have their own space away from the main area of the house as they become more individualized. There is way too much trauma from the teen/adult drama to be justified any longer.
I haven’t addressed things that are super important like sexuality, nutrition, and money but I feel that those things would unfold well if we respected our children honestly.
I think it’s really damaging for women to work if they are separated from their 0-3 year olds especially. I think every women and man should do what they want but my opinion is it’s really important that people acknowledge sex roles not just for themselves but for the children. I do think people are resilient to damage and can live whatever way they value most, but I hope to see people rethink parenting and family structures.
forrr thhhe chhiiilldrennnnn
I think children are miniature people. With little hearts and little souls. Their shoulder are simply too small to carry anything. Children don’t look down they look up and the soil beneath their feet is so close! Children get yelled at but it’s like, “Mommy the ants are carrying food!” “You need to get dressed!” “No!”
Sometimes we get lost in the big picture we think we know what’s best for our kids but, we forget to realise they have so much to explore. Everything is new and exciting. The scariest thing that will ever happen to any child is growing up. The world shrinks around you and all of a sudden you feel trapped and helpless. I believe it’s the job of parents to never let their children feel this way. If all parents focused on was to make their children never feel the blunt force of a wall then no one would ever have to suffer the fate of falling short. How tragic you start so short and end so short. The world never ends you can go around it an infinite number of times it will never stop.
I used to play big brother to kids the same age as me. I used to tell them I loved them and that I’d support them. I’d get a job so they could eat. I just loved the idea of being that responsible adult. I often wonder if it’s ok to feel responsible for anyone…. just because we fail the moment we do. Responsibility means nothing if the sheltering you provide becomes detrimental to the ones you raise.
When your roof becomes their prison cell, all is failed. So what does it mean to raise a family with an open roof? It means to say there are no rules, none that stop you from exploration, but all the rules to help that become possible. In my house freedom of expression is key, but respect is number one. Not respect because I demand it but because I become the word itself. Your children should view you as a beacon of hope, and inspiration. Your children should only respect you because they love you. Not because you take it through fear or force, love, always love.
Who knows though, I’ve heard from some pretty reliable sources that this child raising thing tends to be pretty darn difficult!
“It means to say there are no rules, none that stop you from exploration, but all the rules to help that become possible. In my house freedom of expression is key, but respect is number one. Not respect because I demand it but because I become the word itself. ”
I think if parents display reverence for all things and encourage pondering their meanings, there would be no free expression that was disrespectful.
Adults fall into the delusion that they are supposed to rule over children and dictate them… Like children lack the capability of being rational and differentiating between right and wrong on their own. What parents need to do instead is ‘parent minimally’. Just like Thoreau said “that government is best which governs least,” Those parents are best which parent least. Parents should cultivate their children. Love them unconditionally, don’t judge them at all, let them do what they want and be who they want, but guide them. You can lead a horse to the water… you know the deal. Age is just a unit of measure. There is no real difference between “grown up” and “child.” Both should be seen as friends, comrades. Children can learn a lot from adults, as well as adults can learn a lot from children. A big misconception is that “babies are dumb.” I think babies are the wisest among human beings. Each year corrupts us further because we get churned up and blown around in this insane society. babies come out of the womb immaculate, already perfect.
I know this was a scattered post but it seems like more people should care about this. We talk of the new world of higher living…. Our children have the chance to start that from the very beginning.
You need to treat children as if they were a little person. You need to treat them as you would a friend or family member of your same age (with some exclusions of course). Treat them not as if they are stupid and unknowledgeable, but totally capable sponges of knowledge; that they are simply ready to take up information of the world far faster than anyone else at your age. Treat them as the future, treat them as if they have the potential to change everything you know about you, everything you know about anything. They are the most educational experience any of us are capable of coming in contact with.
Treat children as bearer’s of a future Earth and reality…
The main way I look at it is that we are all children. Our existence is such a little flash in the pan that it’s pretty hillarious to think any ‘adult’ feels so certain to be teaching children absolutes. I had a thought just the other day, that one of the main reasons why I have struggled in the past to even communicate with children is because they are taught to talk about stupid things. It’s so important for people to realise that the direction we take a child’s thoughts is exactly that. If I had a kid, honestly, I think I would question them as much as they would question me. A lot of people don’t even consider that their child might have something to teach them and know shit they have forgotten.
The current education system is poisonous, teaching apathy mostly. It’s funny though, even some of the most open minded people I know still have the reflex of ‘oh no, you have to send your kid to school’, lol, people are terrified of being responsible for their own children. What a damn shame.
I am appalled at the amount of people who I’ve considered to understand the conditioning of society who still can’t throw out the school concept. It is a babysitting service that stifles natural talent. You can still show them how to act in society and participate in the community successfully without the schooling system.
I really love what you said and think you’re right on about constant questioning. That is what will grow independent thought in both parent and child. I do however think it’s impossible not to raise them with any clear boundaries, although I think they should be as unforced and natural as possible. A community can’t function without the shared values and I don’t want to act like I’m not indoctrinating them into my own ideas by unschooling them and any other beliefs I have.