I have struggled with depression most of my life. Moving to university was the first time I really realized it and had to deal with it. I spent most days sleeping, not going to class, not studying. Needless to say, my GPA is not very good.
Up until mid-may I was struggling everyday with this feeling of loneliness and despair. I have few friends around this summer, and spend a lot of time alone.
May 19th, my car breaks down. I need a tow truck. I end up spending 3ish hours with the (hot) tow truck driver. We get to talking, talk about the world, the universe, you know, the usual stuff you talk to a tow truck driver about .
He gives me his number, and we keep talking. He brought spirituality into my life. He taught me how to bring balance into my life. The past 2 months have been absolutely amazing. He is my guide.
I made a lot of changes to my life, changed programs, changed the way I interact and respond to the world and people around me. Actually happy, for the first time i could remember.
The past couple weeks I knew, and I could feel that something wasn’t right. I haven’t been sleeping well, haven’t been eating well, have had a few weekends with a few too many drinks. It all caught up with me and sure enough, this week I can hardly get out of bed, I feel like garbage. I haven’t meditated in a couple weeks.
I need to get myself out of this before it gets out of control again.
How do you kick yourself in the ass to get back on track?
I’ve closely seen what depression does to a person. I speak from that perspective.
I think of it as a wall of negativity or something that stops you from seeing the good things in life and enjoying them. It makes you think that nothing is worth doing and pretty much results in you distancing yourself from friends and family. That only worsens it because the best way to fight depression is to have someone’s love and support. Because having another person who knows you can fight it, is important.
On your own, I think the tow truck driver was a blessing in disguise for you. You changed a lot of things and made a few friends too, i would like to believe. You can ask yourself what changed suddenly in the past couple of weeks.
For the most part, if you really want to get out of it for good, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. I believe we get so caught up in life often, that we don’t even bother to ask friends if something’s bothering them, or why they didn’t turn up for class that day.
You have the power to defeat it, to come back.
Peace be with you.
P.S. I want to Thank You. It was your post titled “how do you stop comparing yourself to others?” that gave me the idea of deleting my facebook account. That was saturday. I deleted it on Sunday and feel much better since.
as im sure youre aware, alcohol and crappy food could play a big part of the equation, we are what we eat/drink, so if youre putting garbage in, then you shouldnt be surprised to get garbage in return…..that aside tho, there is one thing that i have been preaching to people since forever, one thing that will ALWAYS not only make you feel better in your waking life, but also help with sleep. actually this one thing im talking about can even eliminate the need for all of these crazy drugs the pharm companies try so hard to get us to take. what im referring to is exercise….take a walk, or a bike ride, maybe a jog (if thats your cup of tea)….it has never failed once for me. once in a while i will get these crazy explosive panic attack type feelings where im on the verge of just losing it. instead of drinking, or going to a shrink, i RUN. and you know what? by the time i am done i feel good and alive again. i know that a part of being depressed has to do with a lack of motivation, and it can very hard to make the initial decision to get out and move, but if you can just force yourself to get up and do it, you will almost instantly feel better…… if you stick to it, say, three times or more a week, you wont feel so horrible all the time….
Keep that tow truck driver in mind. Have you contacted him lately? Does he know of your situation?
Sometimes it’s not a good idea to kick yourself in the ass. You end up yelling at yourself and having this never-ending internal monologue about all of the things you should and shouldn’t do. This usually leads to hating yourself, your life, and your situation.
A lot of people my age (new college students home for the summer) seem to be going through pretty intense depression right now. It’s strange how almost everyone in my age group is going insane…I don’t like it at all. Well, insane’s a bit of an overstatement, but you know what I mean.
There’s one small thing that you can do that never ever fails for me and that is running. I know it will be hard to get up in the morning but, honestly, putting running clothes on and taking the few first steps is the hardest part. Once you’re out there, you’ll find that your thoughts are clear and once your finished, your blood will be flowing, your endorphins will be released, and you’ll feel ready to start the day.
But don’t don’t don’t let this take hold over you again! I know how hard it is when your mind feels crappy all of the time. But I always spew out this quote to people who are feeling low about life: “I do not think that there are any limits to how excellent we can make life seem.”
Hahaha Jep, we must have been typing out these answers at the same exact time and we pretty much just said the same exact thing :D
@ Guarav Yes, the driver is a blessing, we still talk, and we help each other out and in all honesty, I know that fate brought him and I together. Asking for help has always been a struggle for me. I don’t want to seem weak, and I don’t want to seem needy. I just need to get over my pride sometimes.
Yes, when I deleted facebook I felt a lot better too. I may just do that today too.
A month or so I was running every day/ every second day. I need to start up again. I’ll do it tonight. FORCE myself even if I don’t want to. I know I won’t regret it. I always feel so good afterwards.
@ Tina, yes. I just need to be reminded sometimes. I know that all I need to be happy I have in myself. My universe, my life, my emotions. Sometimes once you lose control though its just hard to get it back… Running tonight for sure.
@ Tina…haha ya thats funny…..its true tho! i bet if all of these people on crazy chemical cocktails (can you tell im anti-“modern medicine”?(not with everything btw, some of it is great and helpful)) tried jogging a good percentage of them would not need to take their drugs anymore…..i sometimes want to scream when i think about what the world has become. what we have done to ourselves and our planet by making everything “easier”.
It’s true Jep. My neice, had a lot of behavioural issues, stole things, lied, always acting up. The doctor said, oh well, Since the mom has Bipolar, maybe she does too. And put this little 7 year old girl on anti depressants. You don’t fucking do that. Shes off them now. All she needed was love and some attention.
Quick fixes aren’t the way to go, especially since they don’t fix anything. The government just makes the problems we have, then says fix them with medication. Why? because they make money off of it.
So true. People just need to move around, interact, and enjoy the simple pleasures in life like family and friends instead of going straight for the meds. But I admit that I do forget this from time to time also when I hole up in my room.
Kels, I’m so glad to hear that you’ll be running tonight!!! I just got back from a few miles and it feels great :)
Think of it this way: there are people in this world who are currently much worse-off than you are. Many find themselves in very, very troubling situations; either by choice (irrational, rational; doesn’t matter) or predisposition. Get some perspective. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I’ve dealt with depression as well since my early teens. I feel you. Be thankful for the good things, people, and happenings in your life. Much love.
I suffered from depression a lot back when I was younger but I realized I was depressed because the things I thought were supposed to make me happy weren’t. The way I got away from it was by putting my life in perspective, going somewhere alone and living a lifestyle where all you need is Love and Happiness..all you see is the beauty in the world and you interact with amazing people who have no other agenda then to be happy and make others happy. This will help change the way you look at our modern society in North America and it will help you realize the things that you are depressed about aren’t even things worth being depressed about.
I see where you are coming from, I often go through week long down periods from time to time where everything seems negitive. Getting back on track for me ranges from small things like seeing other people doing good, or bad and learning from it, maybe a certain song that gets me going again; sad or agressive. Talking to old friends always seems to bring back the happy in me. The meeting of the tow truck driver is a pretty amazing story. Almost movie like, I call it “More than spare tires”. Good luck
sorry, only read the first post, but here goes: relapses are normal, don’t freak out over it, but don’t lose all the ground you gained as well. rather, think also along the lines of: what is or was my depression *good* for. in the sense of, just a haphazard example, many people over-party during high school or college and later regret it. a fictional person with depression might have been saved by it from such an equally unhealthy life. keep in mind, it’s just an example. but then, think about what role the depressive strands in you might fulfill, and what one of the reasons may be that they are showing themselves to you again. this is like the question “what does this want to tell me at this moment?” or “what of my identity would i lose if i lost my depressive strands?” Now on the behavioral side: drink less, make a (easy to fulfill) week plan and just *stick to it*. You don’t have to force yourself as in capital-letters-force, but bring yourself to stick to it. then gradually increase the schedule as you have success with it. also, make an inventory of your friends, life, family, everything, and look at it. when you say your aunt is bipolar, what about your mom/dad/family? pull out some of the garbage and look at it :) oh, and never, never be scared to ask for help. starting with here, and extending into RL with people you feel safe with. all the best to you!
edit: p.s. all of life basically boils down to searching for the next truck driver; and hauling other folks out of the mud when you yourself can give them a hand. giving and taking. we’ve just come to replace it with buying and selling, watching TV and producing, fakely impressing and being driven to self-doubt [end-of-rant :) ]
pps: work with some ideas for getting new stuff into you life, e.g., martijns 30-challenges post and many, many others here. check the archives! :)