He (my dad) said i still think you should go to una( university of north alabam) for your first year or two and i said idk about that and he said "i do". i asked why and he said to find out what college is about and get your basics down. and i said i didnt want to, and that he hadnt been helping me at all with college and that mom ( who lives in louisiana) had been making sure that i was taking all the right classes and taking the act and sending my scores to LSU etc. He said that he did all that on his own. I said didnt you notice that it was hard and your parents shouldve helped you? and about half way through this sentence he picked up his plate and said ive fucking heard enough and stormed out of the room slammed his door and ate dinner in his room and when he came out to refill his plate he ignored me and acted like i wasnt there…
i cant help but feel bad because i think deep down the reason is he just doesnt want to see me go.
I’m sorry brother. It sounds to me like your dad is afraid and doesn’t know how to express himself except through anger. Life is hard for men, it seems to me that we are taught to isolate ourselves through never confessing our weaknesses and insecurities. There is no easy answer with what to do in your situation. I would try to be as real and sincere as possible, and try to make him understand that your choice isn’t meant to hurt him. In the end this is your life, you need to do what feels right to you. You finding your peace in life may help him find his peace in his life. I wish you the best of luck :)
Your dad is being pretty immature.. it sucks when the people we care about act like that towards us & can’t be empathetic or understanding at all. There’s not much you can do to change a stubborn person’s perspective though. Take what your dad says & how he feels into consideration…but it’s all about YOU. Like Bobby said, be real with him..
I’ve had to deal with problematic father figures as well, especially ones who choose anger to express every negative emotion they feel, so I completely understand. Everyone has had great advice and I really liked when Bobby said “finding your peace in life may help him find his peace in life.” He probably just wants to assure you are happy, and he doesn’t think he can do that if you are far away; or he is holding on to the idea of you being around and sees you wanting to leave as being hurtful to him. However, assure him that you need this change and newness in your life; this life isn’t about continuing in a system that doesn’t work, its about finding our own way, and if we stay put forever, if we stay too close to what we’ve known our whole lives, we don’t learn too much. So do what you need to do and make sure he knows, often, just how happy you are.
my dad’s the same way. I’ve tried to reason with him but he has his own philosophy and boxes himself in, so i say fuck it, and now i see him maybe twice a year. I would go to university for a year or so, and get a part time job, save up a few thousand, invest it, and go from there.
ultimately, in life we have to live with our own decisions, and regardless of what your father wants, you have to follow your own path. i cant really think of many (if any) examples in my own life where things turned out great because i bent my own will to what others wanted. if you stay close by your dad things could work out fine. but it is more likely you will end up with some resentments over it, and cause more friction between you two in the future.
try to talk with him in a calm way and explain your position (amongst other things the fact that youre hitting adulthood and need to think for yourself)….if he still flips out and doesnt understand, maybe its best you do go somewhere farther away….i know it can be hard, i bumped heads with my own father many times, and he could be prone to rage fits too…