So one of my closest and best”est” friends in the entire wide world happens to be a habitual heavy user of marijuana and occasional user of LSD. He’s always been an artistic lad, painting, typography, sketching, musician(ing) and so forth so in a way his drug habits kind of fit with the person that he is. It’s just that as of late, the seeds of drug abuse have begun to sprout as it were. He has no money, ever, he has the same job he’s always had just all of a sudden he has no money as it all goes to ‘bud’, his parents have taken his car and are increasingly resentful of him. He wants to move out, quit his art college course and get some dead end job in melbourne as a “kitchen hand”. I don’t see the guy as often as i used to and it’s probably because i’m not smoking up as often as i did but i still care. He always seemed like the kind of guy out of all of my friends who would (excuse my ludicrist expression) make it as some one in life. It just seems like his future is turning to shit and what makes this worse is he sees it too and not only accepts it but in a sense welcomes it.
He got into Timothy Leary after using LSD and he’s started consistantly ranting about how the government is ‘fucked’, money ruined society and the world is on the verge of collapse. Basic arguments like money pays for your weed seem to blow over his head but what’s really disturbing is pressing that conversation further reveals how little he actually knows about the topics he brings up in his own rants. He has what i can only acknowledge as delusions about the ‘Government’ (the proverbial “MAN” and his rules) acting as if marijuana, LSD and asociated illicit drugs are only illicit so people won;t use them and wake up to how controlling the government is on their lives. I asked him: what exactly did he wake up and realise about the government when he smoked pot, i didn’t really get a straight answer. (maybe he smoked pot and realised it was illegal)
I write all this because i’m worried his life is literally turning to shit, it’s like he’s changing for the worse, i just want my friend back. I can’t stop him smoking up, i doubt i can even get him to cut down, maybe i’m freaking out over nothing but it’s like over the past year my friend has become a broke, deluded, stoner/tripper. I’m fearful that he’ll drop out of my life like he plans to drop out of college and his parent’s lives. I feel like i have the capacity to do something about it, just not sure what. I do know through personal experience that if i simply sit back and watch him vanish from my life it will get to the point of no return, i’ve seen it happen with friends and girlfriends in the past.
from what i’m reading you have more problems then he does…
first off your entire 2nd paragraph is true – he’s 100% right about money, gov and everything
second, it’s very selfish of you to impose yourself onto him because you have abandonment issues.
He’s just confused and experiencing cognitive dissonance because what he used to know is all bs and he’s confused.
stop mirroring your problems on your friends if they want to leave or do something you have no right to impose your will and your views on him.
Until he asks for help or says i need help you are the problem not the pot not him.
and the Pot is what is prolly keeping him from offing himself after realising how bs it all is but he has not yet come to the phase of understanding where he gets that it’s all about to change and this system only has power because people give it power.
if i was you i would thank weed for opening up your friend’s eyes to the truth.
He’s not using pot or anything he’s using ESCAPISM in general to detach from the society so his mind can go back on track to what really matters.
Weed doesn’t stop you from achievement, YOU stop you from achievement. I just had a quite lengthy discussion in the thread “Get that crap out of my face” in which I detailed just how true it is for the person, not the substance, to control someone.
I hope your friend finds happiness, no matter what he does, but I don’t think NOT smoking is going to be the answer unless HE wants that to be the answer. And as for all of the other political points you made, you are basically going to find a WHOLE lot of people who, more or less, say the same things he does. LSD and Weed shouldn’t be illegal, they aren’t dangerous, and the reason we cannot use them is because of the government.
@steve217, Hey steve, I feel you, this happened to a friend of mine.. and we lost him.. his kinda crazy now.. very sad story..
The same thing was happening to another friend, he started smoking marihuana every day, every minute of the day… (Im not against marihuana and I smoke it.. but once a month aprox. and I believe if you use it every day it fucks you up…) So he started getting terrible grades in college, fighting with his dad, then he fell into depression for a long time, then he started selling pot. All of his friends where worried about him. But when we spoke to him, he would just say: “deal with it, i smoke pot and there is nothing you can say or do to convince me to stop doing it, its a part of who I am now… etc etc”
One day his dad found out he smoked and was selling… and told him: “you have two options: 1.- You are going to be kicked out from the house, your car taken away, your cellphone taken away, and I don’t want to hear from you again. 2.- You go a rehab center.
So he chose option 2… he was 4 months there and came out about 2-3 weeks ago…. He is completely changed in a great way… He has his goals in life settled… he is happy… has the greatest relation with his family and friends.. He regrets every single minute he smoked marihuana… He even stopped drinking by choice…
I feel really happy for him… he could have ended up like my other friend we lost…
So I believe yes, your friend can be helped… but he most definitely needs professional help.. and something that pushes him to wanna go some place to get the help..
Friends support each other no matter which path you’re on. He’s not a very good friend if his habit consumes your relationship, nor are you a good friend if you push him away because of his habits. Let life run it’s course, there’s no sense in being anxious about what could happen. When you set expectations, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. If you want to remain friends it’s as simple as willing it.
But when you try to project your expectations on someone else, you’re closing off their potential. If he wants to be working an entry-level job to pay for art supplies so he can paint/play/create the next 60 years of his life away, who are you to stop him and say that’s better or worse than going to school and getting a career? Those are the first people to get dropped from lives.
@steve217, Your friend has to come to terms with his life on his own and he may be telling you the things you said may be because it is what you had wanted to hear from him. I do agree that it is kind of selfish to talk about your friend’s problem publicly and thinking that you can help him and to make it seem like it is only you that can do so, when in actuality you cannot, it is his choice. He does not seem delusional when talking about the government, it may come across extremely exaggerated but does not mean it is false, it almost seems like you are not even listening to his opinion because it is different than yours.
I do agree that too much pot can indeed screw up a life with over compensation but it should be your friends choice for himself to decipher that, not you, not his family, and not the world. We do not know him so we cannot pass judgement on what his friend is saying about him on HE. I am sorry that I am coming across harsh when you need support and compassion but all you can do is let him hit rock bottom, try thinking in his shoes, and help when he asks for it. You seem like a very sweet and caring person without a means to come across selfish but let your friend go about his life the way he intended to, I know it is sad to see someone with an addiction but it is the addict that has to help him/herself. Much Love
@dsundre, I completely disagree with everything you said. I find it very wise of OP to ask for help. Not many people are able to ask for help, and in most cases it’s not better to wait for them to do it, but to offer it yourself (and that is why he is here, right? To know how to help him better? How is OP the problem then? If OP is wrong, then, great! Because his intentions are good!)
@steve217, You could try and tell him outright what you feel, that he has changed a lot since smoking so much and that it seems to you he doesn’t has his shit together. If he doesn’t have any problems, he will be totally cool about it and should understand where you are coming from. Any other reactions indicates he is probably using pot to run away from personal issues (the conspiracy theories also work perfect to identify yourself with a non-existing abstract concept which seems to justify his own behaviour, while in reality he is struggling).
In other words, try to be a true friend as much as you can, even sometimes practice ‘hard compassion’, telling the hard truth. That’s all you can do :)
You all don’t get it – OP is the one asking for help – not his entourage
OP as abandonment issues THAT’s what should be helped…
“He’s not using pot or anything he’s using ESCAPISM in general to detach from the society”
Except…he IS using pot?
“first off your entire 2nd paragraph is true – he’s 100% right about money, gov and everything”
The entire second paragraph is basically saying the guy’s a moron who can’t back up any of his generic druggie opinions even though he’s letting them redefine his lifestyle (ironic considering how weed is meant to break sheep mentality). Did you not get that?
“second, it’s very selfish of you to impose yourself onto him because you have abandonment issues.”
I kindoff read it as how he/she had accepted that they couldn’t impose themselves on him and was just looking for some advice. You’re not good at giving advice.
“Until he asks for help or says i need help you are the problem not the pot not him.”
Absolutely – a toothless loser living off the generosity and compassion of everyone else because he’s too arrogant/conceited/delluded to look after himself doesn’t have a problem until he admits it. He can still cause problems for everyone else in his life though, causality is a bitch like that.
“and the Pot is what is prolly keeping him from offing himself after realising how bs it all is but he has not yet come to the phase of understanding where he gets that it’s all about to change and this system only has power because people give it power.”
I’ll refrain from calling you delluded and just thank you for answering your own question: “stop mirroring your problems on your friends”.
I couldn’t help myself, I haven’t smoked weed in nearly 15mins and i’m looking for a fight…fucking government.
I’ll assume that was “sigh” and ask what the big picture looks like to someone who defends drug abuse with “it’s very selfish of you to impose yourself onto him because you have abandonment issues”.
Drug abuse as a concept is just so baseless to me (at least with weed). I mean, SO many people use drugs daily that have not problem handling their lives and friends, and proactively strive for self-fulfillment and the fulfillment of others no matter what. They are also of the firm opinion that their choice to smoke weed has had a positive effect on them.
I mean, for every person like the OP described, there’s a completely different person who devotes part of their successes to the usage of weed.
“Drug abuse as a concept is just so baseless to me. I mean, SO many people use drugs daily that have not problem handling their lives and friends, and proactively strive for self-fulfillment and the fulfillment of others no matter what.”
It might conceptualize itself if you take the prosocial, proactive and self-fulfilling individuals drugs away.
“I mean, for every person like the OP described, there’s a completely different person who devotes part of their successes to the usage of weed.”
Again, this could just be me, but the reason this topic is so funny is because people like the op is describing do consider themselves a success, and do attribute it to weed. What we’re seeing is the alternative reality, let’s call it “sobriety”.
Anyways, less sharin’, more carin’.
OP – God’s speed!
“i’m sorry but i’m not playing your game.”
Pot heads are so boring.
Your friend reminds me almost exactly of myself. Main difference is I abuse alcohol instead of weed these days. I still smoke multiple times weekly and I trip every couple months or so.
Your job doesn’t define success. Success is happiness and he’ll probably find it through his art so long as he doesn’t get distracted by the drugs but rather uses them as a tool to expand his imagination and to discover new ways of creativity.
@mimic, well fortunately I have the pleasure of being the “sober” one (quotations are necessary because sobriety as a state of being is just hilarious to me) and I can actively see the positive effects without actually being biased. Why would I care to defend people who do it if I thought it made them worse? I don’t use, I see them doing it, I see no harmful effect.
Relativity, blah, blah can always be interjected into anything, but it applies to everything and, were I to care about the way perceptions vary so much in every situation, I’d gain nothing.
And in terms of the subject of the OP feeling successful, I don’t really see where you can extend yourself to see that, especially given the biased and uninformative post itself. All I gathered from this was one, secondhand account of the subject having an issue. We don’t know anything about the person’s emotional state beforehand, whether there is any chance of mental disorder or hidden trauma. There’s no ground to stand on in that sense.
Now, what I definitely do believe is that the person posting feels badly about the state of his friend and I most certainly hope that this friend finds a way of being supportive to everyone he knows, including the subject of this discussion. If he is facing issues, regardless of the actual core, I hope he sees an end to that soon.
“I don’t really see where you can extend yourself to see that, especially given the biased and uninformative post itself. ”
“well fortunately I have the pleasure of being the “sober” one (quotations are necessary because sobriety as a state of being is just hilarious to me) and I can actively see the [positive] effects without actually being biased”
Joke – I’m a total junkie, if I weren’t though…*shakes fists*
@steve217, that is a difficult thing to deal with. sometimes i feel in the same positon as yourself, my friends have always been more into pot and other drugs than myself. i love smoking weed, but often times i notice that when i smoke it too much, i slightly lose ambition and energy, whenever i notice this, i slow down. and sometimes with some of my closest friends, it seems like weed has had a negitive effect on them, well, my perspective of a negitive effect. and thats exactly what you need to realize i think, that this is only your perspective on hiom, for him, this could be a very positive thing. maybe his whole life, he hasnt actually wanted to be artsy and all the other things he was. maybe he was indoctinated by his parents or peers at a young age to fall intyo that catigory, so that was who he thought he was, and smoking weed opened his mind to truth. either way, all you can do is try and see things from his perspective and be there for him no matter what. people always grow and change, you need to accept that.
keep in mind, you can change no one but yourself. we all find our way eventually, for some it may take longer than others, but we always find our way. have faith in god that your friend isnt going to stray too far away from his path, and other than that, let him live his life as he chooses too.
do you smoke weed by chance? if you dont, and youve never tried it, id honestly recomend you try it for a bit, just to see his perspective. it sure opened up my mind when i tried it.
best of luck =)
@mimic, there is nothing to be said of discrediting me with the same fact that discredits us all. You could always, as I said, bring up the fact that we all come from different backgrounds and see things through different lenses. Restating that and claiming a triumph is laughable, friend.
It is a given that we are all biased in our opinions, but my post concerning the OP was that I am receiving filtered information about someone else, and yet there has yet to be any recognition of this. I admit that my examples cannot be delivered to your doorstep so you can see that I am telling the truth about my experiences, but at least grant that same restriction to the OP.
In any case, people place blame on whatever they want to. It’s just amusing to me that people are willing to say that the drug is the SOLE reason the people they know are messed up, given the infinite amounts of other issues that could easily have slipped past everyone’s noses, including the actual subject. I’d give more credit to this were I to have no positive examples in my life, but I do, and I therefore have to have reservations until I can actually speak to the subject himself.
@steve217, make your friend get on HE so I can actually have a discussion with him about his life and choices. If he says he doesn’t want to, I’ll at least know he’s crazy: who could say NO to HighExistence?
That’s all very dramatic and shit, but I don’t like smoking weed and the political views of most people suck, even if they’re sober. Also, is your friend a good friend? That’s important. If you’re the only one who sees his potential, then maybe he just has anger issues (that’s why he expresses himself with art?). Let’s just say that you’re not helping anyone when you are only telling them that everything they do is wrong, so as I see the “big picture”, a rebel, getting stoned often, not having money for…? What is he like? How is he your best friend if he is such a character? Does he has issues with his family not supporting his ART work? Is he suffering from a loss of someone? There are a lot crappier things to happen than having a bad job, you know. For example, being dead, not having anyone. He has you, but remember that he doesn’t have your dreams. His dreams are his and for his future. You may start from there. Some people need a kick to the head for motivation. If he is really a worthy person like you said he is, then he’s probably already realizing what he’s doing. If he’s a dumbass and doesn’t quite realize if he hurts others, fucking show him love.
How about everyone stop attacking the OP. Enough with the abandonment crap. You have no idea what this situation is like until you have watched someone piss away their live and future. This happened to my best friend in high school. If all it would have taken was for me to never see him again and he would get his life together I would have left and never looked back. I though about this everyday. The worst part was how resistant he became about it, even turning hostile when I brought up his life. The sad truth is you cant change them. you can push them in the right direction but they will never succeed unless they want to on their own. I like to compare it to suicide. you can babysit someone all day but if they still want to kill them self, there isn’t much point because they aren’t actually living and they will kill them self in time. they need to come to terms and make an effort to change.
I don’t think the OP was blaming drugs, he was blaming addiction. There nothing wrong with drugs, but when you get to the point where you’d sell your family for drug money, YOU have a problem. not the drugs, YOU! The same with alcohol. Everyone can enjoy alcohol in moderation but when you become so dependent on something, that you can’t think about anything else because all you care about is that next drink/hit, you lose sight of all your goal and aspirations.
Good luck, I hope he comes around.