I want to leave my home ,my Parents torture me Emotionally..Help ?
i am 22 years old, Graduate from New Delhi….and right now i have 73,555 ruppes in my bank account, i can pursue some higher study or can do a job in call centre, whatever i will do my life will have more freedom….it could be tough but still…better than to tolerate emotional pain and ruff language of parents daily…i also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and i am extremely Hypersenstive….even a small commet or a joke can make me suffer a lot…i am not emotionally tough..and there is always an sort of emptiness or emotional pain which i cannot describe in words..
please help me……i had tolerated the torture so many times before also….but now it is enough and i want to move on…
follow your intuition. if its telling you to get out, then listen to it. it sounds like your parents are not whats best for you right now, so you need to find out what is.
but dont rush this – prepare enough that you never need to return once you leave. meditate and sleep on it before you make any big decisions.
much love, brother
@beyond, yes brother u are right, moving out got its issue like paying bills, room rent etc but i will have more freedom and i will make my own decisions….i don,t wanna escape , escaping is act of cowardice…..i realize it is enough of my patience and to develop myself as an adult…and to make myself emotionally strong i need to move out…
@robertproctor34, i also love travelling lolz…u will not believe in 2008, i got only 3000 ruppes in my pocket and i travel so much….i went to varanasi, India, than ayodhya birth place of mythological ram and than Bhod gaya , where buddha got englightenment, i stayed there for month and joined 10 days vipasna meditation, than rajgir in bihar and university nalanda…i used to stay in cheap rooms of 100 rs a day and used to travel in general apartment in train…free of cost lolz……….now when i will be mentally balanced …… my next target is Dharamshala in himachal, than manala village, and tosh and Parvati valley, where i want to expereince hash for the first time…all the best for your travels, hope we will travel together one day, if u come to India….take care….
@doglover09, Wow I feel like i have the same thing. Hypersensitivity that is. Its always comforting in some pale way that others suffer the same things as myself. Mine is cause by my hyperglycemia and my intolerance to gluten. If I have too much sugar…sad, depressed. If I eat gluten… sad depressed and hyper sensitive to boot. Have you tried a change in your diet? I know it sounds silly. But I feel 10,000% now that I don’t eat sugar or gluten. Also you DESERVE to be around people who lift you up emotionally. My dad is pretty negative sometimes so I understand what your going through as much as I can. Please, don’t worry too much about money. Do what makes you happy. Much love to you friend!
@doglover09, You’ve got a few options!
A. I suggest boxing to build confidence. You’re a grown man. If someone crosses you, beat the hell out of them. Even if it’s your dad. Fight fire with water.
B. Or try imposing your own morals on your parents life. Find nitpicky things to bitch about and say they are always fucking up. Just have your stuff packed when you start this experiement that way moving will be easier. Fight fire with fire.
C. Spike their drinks with LSD and reprogram them. Fight fire with alchemy.
D. 23 Skiddoo! Follow the Tao, it’s clear what the universe is telling you. Go with it, or use one of the above methods to fight it. In my experience, it’s a bad idea to put up resistance. Fight fire with occult techniques like the 23 skiddoo
@doglover09, Firstly I wouldn’t pay too much attention to the labels of having BPD, and being hypersensitive. They are not you. Do not let them limit you. I at one point was thought to either have BPD or bipolar disorder. I didn’t…I just didn’t have a clue who I was. And so would feel moments of sheer happiness and excitement because I knew, deep down, there was more out there…mixed with moments of pure despair. In these moments I really felt like their was nothing. Absolutely nothing in this world for me.
Getting away from the constant negative attitude of my mum was the first step. The people you choose to be around has a huge effect on the person you become. And so when you’re spending it with the wrong kind of people for you, it results in inner turmoil because what you’re hearing doesn’t really make any sense to you. It sounds like you’re in a position to change that.
You need to go out into the world to figure out who you are. You need to question everything you know, especially about yourself. Never just accept a negative thought…really think about where it came from. Did it come from you? Someone else? A perception you have on something? A perception which can be changed? In doing this, you will find most negative thoughts really have no validity to them. Everything has a source, and it’s very unlikely that that negative source is coming solely from you. In recognising the cause you can then change the effect.
Man, I used to cry if someone just looked at me funny. Now, well, insults are kinda funny.
If you want, leave and go to manali – or dharamkot near mcleod ganj – you can get by on about 8-10000 rs a month for a room and food. maybe spend a month over there away from the negative vibes at home, clear your head out and figure what is the next step.
Forget higher education, as you don’t really have money for it and its mostly hogwash – just get a job somewhere, save well and if you like to travel – try working 6-8 months saving some money, and using it for the next 4-6 months to live. There’s tons of places in India
that you can live for really cheep. :D
This is what I’ve been doing for the last year since I left home. Hope this helps :)
@ballsackturtles23, Thanks brother…i want to learn boxing like hell, search about it like hell, but here in Delhi no one taught it..government centers train only few with approach…..one private coach charge so much and his centre is far away from my home and his timing are 6 to 8 am…my college is at 9 am..they teach kickboxing… which i find not much practical in real fight…Boxing and wrestling are much more practical….In India wrestling is taught free of cost….but it is full time job…they train for 2 hours in morning and u need to have great diet and rest after it….will not able to study anything for whole day….. do u think Kickboxing can help, because it has also punches ? can we take on a bigger and bulkier guys with it, because in actual fight ,mostly raw strength matters, hardcore…..advice please…
@siantastic, Thanks Dear for the wonderful answer….i have BPD, it is not just one symptom,whole range of symptoms, and hypersenstivity which u cannot even imagine, idealization and devaluation in relationship, feeling emotions intensly and they lasts longer,confusion of goals and u aks me to ask certain questions to me, i ask them most of them times, and i got no answers, i lack self identity, i have BPD and i don,t know how to treat this…..it is HELL and u can understand me only when u have BPD…its like a person who never fall in love cannot understand lover state of mind….
u are right people who surrounds u make a huge impact on your life…..right now i feel alone and the only guy whom i can trust,love and receive love is my dog comet…i sleep with him in night…
@h20equilibrium, Thanks brother, higher education is not much costly in INDIA, from Government colleges, private education is costly, i will go in Dharamshala in may and will join vipasna meditation…and will go to parvati valley also…living is not so cheap as u much u think brother, it appear to u cheap coz of usa $, and i also want to visit kodai….in Tamil nadu to taste Magic mushrooms ,they can have postive effects as per research shows….i will do job as per your suggestions, will save money and travel…
@doglover09, Fuck yeah man! Kickboxing (especially the Dutch/Thai style) is very effective. The dutch style is western boxing boxing with Kyokoshin kicks. Just don’t do that boxercise or kickboxercise bullshit.
I really enjoy Ernesto Hoost’s style. He always employed the 1-2-3- lowkick
He could end a fight by kicking your leg. Dude was a real badass back in the day.
If you’ve got a heavy bag practice with it. Nothing you really can’t learn on the internet. Then grab some friends for sparring. Same thing as going to gym except without having someone to correct your mistakes.
@doglover09, help what? I cannot understand, you are 22 years old, for god’s sake ,you can live wherever you want, what,73,555 ruppes is not enough? The God didnot tell people how to be a parent,ok? He just told us how to have a baby. so, don’t feel so bad when you get a bad one.
@ballsackturtles23, Thanks brother for your answer, i personally think and may be i am incorrect, but i think boxing and wrestling are much more practical in real right………… real fight is raw………it got no rules……..when 6 man attack u at once, and in a second u are geting 6 hits, how kickboxing will work ? boxer can take on 6 guys….in one on one fight, if someone is wrestler or boxer, they can take over kickboxer, wrestler will brust out all his energy in a second and will grab, u know punching speed of boxer, IN REAL FIGHT HARD CORE POWER MATTER OF A GUY, skills work when u are very good fighter……
@doglover09, hi..Firstly, you need to come down! I am from India and I completely understand how things can get. Get yourself a place first and take a break. Get on your feet and decide what you wanna do but be VERY careful as to your decisions because later on in life, you won’t get anybody to blame but yourself. Also, try and have a little faith. Things will pass and you’ll come out of it stronger still!
May i suggest to you an audio book by an Indian-born American physician / holistic health guru named Deepak Chopra… you might have heard of this famous Indian scholar… the audio book is called Higher Self.
You can download the torrent here:
Listen to it in your room… or take it with you on your journey away from home.
Whichever path you choose, just remember that if something horrible happened to you, amid an ocean of strangers, your parents would most likely come to your aid… despite all the mental pain you believe they have inflicted upon you.
@doglover09, This is one case where you aren’t right. In honesty, it depends on the practitioner as far as a street fight goes (wrestling favors guys with a muscular frame, Judo favors guys that live in areas that are cold and people wear jackets, Jiu Jitsu favors guys that have a smaller frame and are likely to end up on their back, boxing/kickboxing are good to know because most fights on the street are with untrained people, and they will likely throw sloppy haymaker after sloppy haymaker… which is the perfect time for a jab/cross). In reality, you just wanna avoid street fights, as people may have weapons.
Well there are several different types of kickboxing. Some more effective than others. Some are essentially the same thing as boxing (in other words, training is done the same way, except a few techniques are added),
In boxing, you learn the jab, the cross, the hook, the uppercut. You learn proper blocking. You learn your slips your dips your bobs and your weaves.
In kickboxing, you learn the jab, the cross, the hook, the uppercut, the headkick, the bodykick, the leg kick. You also learn your blocks.
In this sense, kickboxing is more practical for a street fight if you are fighting a trained fighter. The reason, all the bobbing and weaving exposes you to a head kick. In otherwords, if I get in a fight with a boxer, and I know his hands are better than my hands, I’m gonna throw a hook and when he goes to slip or weave, my leg is coming off the ground toward his head. If he hasn’t trained kickboxing before, he will likely A.)not see it B.) block improperly and I will break his arm with my shin
@doglover09 : Hi brother,
You have mentioned here that you are emotionally very unstable and also have borderline personality disorder. I think emotional instability might also be due to the constant bickering which your parents give you.
On parents: My parents also used to bicker on several things when I was graduating and they do so even now, however I know their intention is concern and not hatred. Constant bickering may make you feel as if the intentions are hatred towards you but its not,on their bickering just think that they do not / cannot see or understand your perspective/situation but they love you therefore their bickering is no cause for concern.Also tell them calmly that their critical attitude towards you is not going to be helpful
On marijuana and shrooms: Sure man, try them out and have a good company of close friends if you can .
On Emotional Emptiness: I guess either you got dumped or you have no gf. Try getting one, or if you can’t (being an Indian) its still okay. I’m 27, Indian and single (single women are difficult to find in this country). Anyways, I don’t consider getting laid as hallmark of achievement .
On being able to defend yourself/fighting: Join a gym atleast if not boxing. Ultimately, however when it comes to fighting its all about mental attitude . To realize that we fear getting hurt.
On leaving home: Think about what you’re going to do , how and where are you going to live. If you can figure that out precisely then leaving home is recommended.
Also start reading some philosophers or you can watch their documentaries, Eg: Nietszche, Arthur Schopenhauer ,Socrates etc. I sometimes feel unhappy for various reasons, on those occasions I remind myself its my thinking that’s making me unhappy.The stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius said: Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.