I have had enough of all this pussy footing around, its BS and serves no purpose, the FACT, that you have found a connection with another human being who just happens to be of the same sex, SAYS everything, and it’s time someone just fucking spills it:
Who you allow yourself to connect with is a personal choice, based upon your life’s accumulation, and the only thing that makes a connection ‘bad’ is if the relationship is destructive in nature.
The ONLY THING that matters is that you connect with someone. This is it. This is the Reality of this world. Who cares who it is? If it is of the same sex?
And you’re right, me being straight makes it impossible for me to understand what it feels like to persecuted like you do, I agree 100%, BUT, I do know one thing, I understand how bullies, the ones who feel the need to persecute others out of ignorance, work.
They rely on you to FUEL their anger, so to control you they say something that makes you emotionally respond, this pours fuel onto the fire of their insecurity because they see that you have taken the hook. When you respond emotionally to a bully, they win.
If you do not respond emotionally to them, you win. You defuse them, instead of adding coals to their fire, you are pulling the embers out, taking away their vigor, one ‘lol’ at a time.
How do you do this? Recognize the TRUTH:
((( The ONLY THING that matters is that you connect with someone. This is it. This is the Reality of this world. Who cares who it is. )))
So if someone is mocking you for who you decided to connect with, fuck them, who the fuck are they to judge you so one dimensionally? They are actually the ones in the wrong, you have to know this
once you know it, you will find your anger and rage for someone being so cruel start to subside as you understand the dynamics of the situation more, and recognize that in reality, this individual’s limited world view and lack of understanding of connection forces them to respond to something different as a dog does to a stranger at the door.
((( “as a dog does to a stranger at the door.” )))
This is the truth. Do NOT give them POWER over you for something that, (1) Is a character flaw in them., (2) is an irrelevant point because relationship is about connection.
The negative connotation associated with the words ‘gay’, ‘fag’, etc. will remain a negative only as long you continue to allow yourself to be provoked by them so easily.
The bully wins when you do this, and perpetuates the cycle.
@tine, The reason some insecure dudes are so cruel to homosexuals is because they’re afraid to be exposed as appreciating the attractiveness of the same sex. The reason homosexuals are being provocative to such types is because at the same level of shame, they’re proving their sexuality. It doesn’t even matter if you defend heterosexuals or homosexuals. Not being emotionally genuine would make a bully lose.
“Not being emotionally genuine would make a bully lose.”
I agree, I am not saying anything different than this, this was one of the points of the topic, ((( “How do you do this? Recognize the TRUTH:” ))) You recognize the reality of what it is you are, what it is the reasoning for their actions, and these combined to allow you the clarity of action to not respond in a in-control, unemotionally erratic way towards the bully
“The reason some insecure dudes are so cruel to homosexuals is because they’re afraid to be exposed as appreciating the attractiveness of the same sex.”
I agree, my perspective comes from looking at it one step deeper though. Sexuality is just an outlet for their insecurity, an-area-where-moments-of-insecurity-occur-often, the outlet for insecurity can take many faces, but all stem from the same source, in men, it is a feeling of inferiority, caused by a emasculation whose perpetrator can be many different things, ( common links: ) Father emasculation, who project his insecurities on to his son, thus making his insecure, Mother emasculation, generic, overbearing mother syndrome.
These are common, but only represent the average, as I am sure outliers could always be found.
“and these combined to allow you the clarity of action to not respond in a in-control, unemotionally erratic way towards the bully”
boy, was this sentence jumbled, basically, when you recognize the truth you will not respond erratically to emotional manipulation.
@tine, what if instead of making comebacks OR ignoring it….you break the bully’s nose instead (if, of course, you know you can – the majority of people are after all not in shape)?
I understand that doing so is just another ego-based reaction, but, it could also severely discourage the bully from continuing to act that way when he knows he’ll have to keep paying to get his face fixed.
Baha, satisfying indeed, but, you are allowing their words to provoke you to an extreme response, doesn’t speak a lot about control when the only things they are hurling at you so far are words…
nowww… if they try to physically dominate you, I agree a different approach altogether is needed.
@tine, I guess, but, in this case one isn’t trying to maintain self-control but rather make a point. It’s not even about losing control either…..you are simply giving the person the wages of being an asshole. Like, if you want to buy a sandwich the price is $5. If you want to call someone a fag, the price is a broken nose. Being an asshole, like any other action, doesn’t come without a cost. It’s cause and effect.
I am not opposed to violence at all, just violence used inappropriately, why outside of physical provocation would you respond in a physical way?
They are only using words, words are not real unless you respond to them and make them such, just because ol’ boi calls someone a FAG!, doesn’t mean there is validity in what they are saying… people talk shit alllll the time,
you beating the shit out of them doesn’t make what they said ‘not true’, you treating it as if it were ‘not true’ does.
therefore, to respond is to give validity to their words because, if it weren’t true why you mad bro?
“it’s the principle of the thing”
Man, this phrase is dangerous, especially when it is used to defy logic.
What another’s opinion of you should not matter to a degree where you lose control,
You should know the truth of who you are, once known, it won’t matter what kind of garbage people try to shovel on you, you will be able to contrast what they are saying for what you know as, how-you-really-are.
who we are is reflected in the destructive / constructive natures of our actions, someone solid in who they are would not feel a need to hit someone for saying something untrue
I’ve always thought gay guys should start calling each other fag the way people say “dude” or frat boys say “bro.” If you own it all the power is taken away from someone trying to use it demeaningly. However, I’m not gay so my view on this is not really as valid as a gay guy.
@tine, what if someone was solid in who they were, and certainly didn’t feel a NEED to strike a bully, but consciously chose to do so?
I am all for knowing who you are, as fully as you can. But, I also am all for kicking the crap out of bullies anyway.
” that there are no consequences for their actions.”
that we can see, I agree, but you know for a fact that their reaction to you is a direct reflection of how unhappy they are, the unhappiness stemming from the consequences surrounding their actions
“”what if someone was solid in who they were, and certainly didn’t feel a NEED to strike a bully, but consciously chose to do so?””
Then I would say you are probably witnessing a bullying extreme where direct intervention is needed, which would make your actions justified.
“”But, I also am all for kicking the crap out of bullies anyway””
A-fucking-men. Though, most bullies were formed within that kind of forge, where they themselves were kicked, beaten, broken, the result being them taught-how-to-seize-control in a very extreme way.
I find the best counter for those who do not know Love or Hope is to give it to them, regardless of how they are treating you. I’ve seen people change just being exposed to the concepts, no one had ever really shown them it before.
@tine, That’s right! Let love conquer all. GET IT GIRLS!
Homophobia is often the last resort of those SO PATHETIC that they have to pick on the underdog to feel like they belong. As far as insults go, “fag” is the lowest common denominator, and usually only used by those who can’t think of anything else.
Homophobia, particularly the sort that seeks out victims, is a symptom of the truly pathetic!