I can’t decide where to put myself, my love… my being. I can’t find a reflection. To sit in myself, leaves me stiff. I love to be around people, I love to talk. I love to help them so much. Sometimes I am greeted with silence, with not caring. They, who I am around now, don’t care what I mean to say, who I am.
Mostly I feel the need to leave this part of the US. But can it really be like that? Am I running away? I have a job opportunity, 300/w and a room to stay in – the opportunity to make money.
But right now I am so dissapointed, both with the way that I acted, and with the total rejection response that I recieved that I just want to run away to the west. Contemplate being homeless… maybe to sing on the streets… anything to stay in love-being. I’m scared and confused. I’ve been confused here for so long, trying for long to stay in this place that hurts so badly.
I’m looking for advice. Do you know what I am experiencing?
We only become confused when we think too much. Try just not thinking too hard. Because the more you think, the more paradoxes you will find that will just lead you around in circles. Also, DO whatever it is you want to do. Dont feel like you are running away from your problems. Dont let guilt hold you down. This is your life, no one else’s. If you want to go to fucking Thailand, go to Thailand. If you want to go out to the mountains and snowboard the rest of your life, then do it. The only thing you should let yourself be held back by in life is love.