Whats your take on marriage?
I believe, legally, its bogus. Just some hand-me-down custom that really is more concerned with taxes, laws, and money than anything else. Ideologically and in a relationship manner I find it constricting, not in the sense of forcing monogamy (which I more or less agree with), but more l labels one as s/he should "settle down" and stop being a "kid" anymore.
Really I think its bogus to celebrate (after multiple years of relationship) and to finally say OK! NOWWWW we’re official.
I’ve always been a romantic who dreamed that if I find “The Woman”, I’ll marry her. Then i figured out that it’s a matter of choice and marriage is just mere tradition for romantics who dream that they will find The Woman to marry her.
Marriage isn’t the definition of happiness. Even fetuses know this. It’s in their DNA. It’s so obvious that they start to cry when they’re born. :)
You’re right. It’s just a mutual agreement made official, so someone can teach their children family values – which are important religiously and philosophically, but then again, if parents aren’t dumb morons, they might be a good example for their children even if they’re not married. That’s it.
I like the idea of the commitment ceremony, but the rest is just a bunch of laws that aren’t really necessary in my opinion. Sure, it has its own set of benefits, but really, if you love someone, I don’t really think either party could give less of a shit about them. Also, I know more couples and parents who still act like “kids” that the whole idea of “settling down” just sort of boggles my mind.
I think making a commitment to someone for your entire life is different from marriage, which I see primarily as a socio-economic contract that is used to measure maturity for some reason. There are religious connotations to marriage that I accept, but I think that if I were to get married, wouldn’t I be committing myself to that person before the ceremony? Like maybe…when I decide to get married in the first place? It’s just a ceremony to me. Meaningless without the politics (as in marriage between royalty or arranged marriages) and/or the commitment.
@Catilin, yes. Sometimes it happens spontaneously. Like a beautiful proposal and unexpected divorce. Lovely. Fuck that shit.
It’s… well. No. Some people never grow up and get obsessed too much.
@caitlin, always thought that, too, that the real love and commitment comes before the actual ceremony. Just like how graduation isnt what you actually learn anything or gain any skills, it’s just a celebration of what has already been done, marriage always seemed like a way to celebrate something that is already there. That said, I still believe in the religious and spiritual aspects of it, but from a legal perspective is starts to take on other motivations I don’t care for. People getting married for the wrong reasons has led to so many issues today, and it seems like many of these reasons branch from the legal implications of that contract. It’d be nice if there was an option to get married in the spiritual/religious sense, with a ceremony and all that, but leave out many of the legal implications. I’m not sure if I would opt for that, but maybe as an option
A friend of mine has sworn off marriage ever since his last divorce which wrecked him financially, although he’s completely willing to commit to a monogamous relationship and possibly a ceremony. Just no legal documents.
I once heard an awful quote about this:
“I realized the only reason I’m with my wife is because she loves me. This isn’t enough reason to leave, but it isn’t enough reason to stay, either.”
Marriage really guilt trips you into staying with someone – even if it would be better for the both of you if you divorced. But now the legal system (and social norms) are in the way.
don’t get married. Just love!
@em – care to start a new thread on monogamy? I have a lot to say.
I can’t see a problem with getting married, divorcing, have some violent divorces, kill some people, cheat, lie, steal, and maybe even have a kid who you can teach how fucked up the world is like the biggest hypocrite, so the kid would grow up to be aware of everything.
I take that back. We have enough examples. :)
I think Marriage is for society,
I am engaged to my soul-mate and I feel like my heart is bound to him and his to mine, that i feel I guess you could say married to him already.(its beyond marriage, its just you know your souls are on the same path and its a wonderful feeling)
I wouldn’t need a wedding because im his now any ways its just the government and society that would recognize it after we were married. And what does society mean to anyone anyways..
I feel to many people get married for the wrong reasons or cant see the reasons they shouldn’t marry. But its always great to see a good couple that you can tell really love one another with everything they are.
Me n mah lady, I feel like marriage isn’t going to solidify anything anymore, but almost put a barrier on us. Not something we would necessarily break, but it will just be that much more looming – something to worry about I guess.
She feels the same, but I know our parents don’t. Not sure what’s gonna go down.
marriage screwed up my relationship with my boyfriend. he had to go into the army, in those days in holland you could get out of it by getting married so we did on the day he had to go in the army. we stayed married for 30 years, but i never felt free or happy really. it would have been better for us to not to do it…anyway.
my parents married each other twice and divorced each other twice. that was in Reno . i never believed in marriage. infact i still dont.
i agree basically with those that say if you are super in love and it is the thing for you then do it, but remember all things are impermanant. anyway relationships constantly need renewal and communication and tons of hard work to stay together, it is more than just being in love.
but if you can hack it , then tie the knot!
I too feel that marriage seems rather pointless. I feel that if I need a binding contract to be with someone for the rest of my life, then either I don’t trust myself, or I don’t trust them enough. But the kind of person you’d want to get married to is someone that you both trust and love, and if you had that kind of person, then marriage would be almost completely pointless outside of legal status.
All I feel that needs to be said about gay/lesbian marriage.
I’m happily “married”, but the marriage was just paperwork – fiancee visa made it easy for my wife to immigrate here from the Czech republic. we did the JOP thing then went to a park with a dozen friends and had a bbq/sing-along. neither of us has ever wished we’d done a traditional White Wedding.
We agree that if it degrades to the point of being harmful to us and our kids, we’ll separate. “staying married for your kids” is like jogging on bad knees “for your health”.
I think people feel too much pressure to stay in Love. love changes and evolves both before and after you get married. you can’t attach to one idea of love – stagnation is death. just enjoy your time together and give each other the freedom to grow, then share the interesting shit you learn with each other.
pledge to give your whole self to the other person forever, and you’ll both suffocate.
I mean, if you wanna look just how marriage works within the constructs of the law, it establishes a sort of ‘financial trust’ or reliability and unity. Their finances combine and they bring their resources together. That’s basically what it means. You don’t have to go through the “Christian” idea of marriage (big ceremony with witnesses and a priest). You can simply go to a court. But, if you don’t wish to be married, then don’t be married. If you’re cool with leaving your financial resources separate, whatever! I don’t see what the big deal is about marriage… if you like it, do it. If not, quit attacking it! People seek happiness in many different ways. Some go to church, others meditate, others pray, others exercise etc. I don’t understand the point in attacking things that you don’t practice simply because you wouldn’t practice them. Isn’t this the kind of attitude we’re supposed to be fighting? Or are we all aiming for a society whose members are identical in all ways? That’s not cool, in my very humble opinion….
Edit: @kyle: I think that could be said for straight marriage as well. Leave the entire thing alone.
It’s such a good idea to be united! to fight for something and Oh, how bad it is for someone to be with another opinion for just being themselves! No. That’s exactly the problem. People don’t let other people get in their circle of concluded principles and beliefs if they don’t like other’s beliefs.
Trust me. There isn’t a GROUP that thinks differently. That’s a fucking contradiction.
The main idea is to be yourself even if you’re not accepted.
Yeah. I am right. 6 Unicorns make a religion.
Shelby, Ren, Sasho.. Right on
Marriage is what you make of it. It’s not all black and white. There are people who actually truly love each other, and if they want to make that commitment it’s their prerogative. There are also people who get married for the shallow reasons described in a lot of the above posts.
These types of arguments really seem pointless to me. What’s the point of even having an opinion on it? It distorts your view of reality. If you ‘hate’ marriage, then every time you see a married couple you’ll think they’re married for a shallow, socially conditioned reason. Who’s to say your opinion that marriage is a bane to humanity isn’t a socially conditioned thought? The truth is, only the people you’re judging will ever know the reason why they’re married (and they won’t really even know their partners reason, just their own). So why judge at all? Seems like a waste of time. Do what you want to do and let others do what they want to do. If people want to get married, who cares. If you don’t want to get married, good for you. Read any thread in here about people’s beliefs in religions or anything like that. Beliefs like that limit you and stagnate your growth and prevent you from seeing all the sides.