Very important relationships in my life have turned to shit lately and I’m not sure what to do.
1. I am on the verge of losing 3 bestfriends because of their relationships with their significant others. Two of them I’m not as upset about losing but one is extremely important to me. We have been friends for atleast 10 years and is the only person that has been through everything with me.
2. My boyfriend and I have such a half ass relationship which I’m believing is because of his past relationship. It’s a fairly new relationship but it’s to the point where we should be open with eachother but I don’t feel or see any progression. part of me thinks more time is needed maybe, but then part of me thinks there’s no hope.
My biggest fear of losing these relationships is being completely alone but is it just inevitable that relationships change and you have to move on Or do relationships have more meaning than that? I have always put so much appreciation and effort into my relationships with other people and I’m questioning if maybe I shouldn’t or is that just selfish and I should keep putting more effort into them? Basically, do I keep fighting for these people in my life or move on and accept and be ok with being alone?
You’re never alone, per se. People change, and consequently relationships are bound to do the same. I empathize that you seem to be drifting apart from your best friends, more so then I do regarding your relationship with your new boyfriend (not sure why really, probably because you had mentioned the relationship seems to not be progressing). A network of friends are important to be able to fall back on in times of need, I say talk to them. Have a heart to heart, communication is paramount. If you’ve known them for around 10 years you should be capable to express how you’re feeling, and how much they mean to you. It shouldn’t be a ‘fight’ to keep these people in your life, relationships are intrinsically natural, organic.
Don’t be so dependent on other. You are more than enough for yourself as you are, alone or not.
Other people come and go, but you always remain, you should be your own best friend. You can’t control other people, they do what feels right to them, you lose friends and you make new friends. That’s how life works. Don’t get so attached to the way it currently is, because it will change.
Feel good instead. Be happy and self-sufficient.
Here’s what you do, you get in touch with that significant other. If you don’t get along then that’s it. We all have the power of loving eachother.
If it’s not working then it’s not something you should follow. You needn’t ever think that you’re gonna be alone anymore. We’re all here, and we’re all your friends.
@manimal right on
A-fuckin-men, Manimal! That is the only way to remain sane through stuff like this. All of my comments lately are about this but I just broke up with my cohabitant boyfriend yesterday and it was painful as all hell but today we were able to connect and enjoy each other on a friendship(and even physical) level like we haven’t since we first got to know each other. It made me see the difference between possessive love and pure love. We connect mentally and THAT is what matters, not whether he’s my boyfriend and where our relationship is going and blah blah blah.
Love should not be conditional, it should not mean that it only exists when that person wants to date you. Love is wanting the best for someone and wanting to experience them regardless of what they can be for/do for you. It should never be about validation, or the result of loneliness, but meeting in the middle as whole people with something to contribute to the other. It feels amazing to love without needing a pre-requisite or title… and I am starting to believe that this is only possible without the label, or without any sense of obligation(which eventually leads to resentment on some level).
I say that you should accept the omnipresent and very real possibility of being alone. I have and it is very liberating.
@ellie Not only shouldn’t it be conditional, it CANNOT be conditional. That goes against the laws of nature. Love is never conditional, if there are conditions then it isn’t love. Love is much more than wanting the best for someone, that’s just a thought resulting from love, an expression. Nothing more. Love is so much more than that, it’s the very source of all good feelings.
don’t stress out over it all. do what you feel is right. talk to the people involved about how you feel. if these relationships end, they end. it’s not so bad. it was good while it lasted and you can be happy about that. or it was bad while it lasted and you can be happy that it’s over. either way, i wouldn’t sweat it. friends come and go all the time and you can always get involved with someone new.
Ahhh yes I was hoping to get some wise advice from manimal on this hah
I am stressing too much about this and worrying about it is probably making the relationships worse than they already are… and I worry too much about other because I do depend on them too much, I have a lot to work on with that.
@ellie I agree about the label thing, honestly I think that’s where everything got weird but it’s sort of made me realize our relationship isn’t love, maybe it’s just fun.. who knows but I’m going to try and enjoy it for what it is.
I guess I can’t be happy with others if I can’t be happy by myself
@ amanda–kudos to your discussion title! :)
Relationships are always a pain in the ass unless the people involved in them are genuine, truthful, & unselfish (which is insanely hard to come by in this world, and why I’m anti-monogamous). People come in & our of our lives & trying to keep them there will only cause you more sadness <3 Don't stress.. more people will come in <3