Ok, I was thinking about this idea: is sex an indispensable part of grow up? I mean, how can a man or a woman totally feel as a man or a woman when they haven’t had sex? When they haven’t experienced , perhaps the most important indicator of their of their sexual identity?
Do you think that we become different? Changed after having sex for the first time? As if it is a very important rite of passage?
I am 18 years old, and done with high school and still a virgin.
In my opinion, its a lot like someone who has never drunk or smoked before, sure they can give you a new experience on life but are they really necessary?
I’m sure some here will say yes to that, but everyone has their own path and you should always be happy with your life.
(Besides, if you really want sex you can get it! Just like smoking and drinking :)
@illusionist, this is true, except that sex is still necessary for reproduction and alcohol isn’t (well, sometimes it is responsible for reproduction, but not necessary, per se)
Sex is what you make of it. It feels good to encourage us to do it and continue breeding. We figured out ways of manipulating that to get the pleasure without the responsibility. That manipulation is yet another instance of the instant gratification nation we have become, and is completely unnecessary for us as a society.
I wouldn’t say it is a part of growing up per say, but I would say it is a part of life and if you miss it, just like psychedelics, you miss out on a huge part of it (psychedelics a way of exploring your consciousness, sex a way of exploring your biological self). It is in fact, one of the main reasons why we are here, to procreate.
@illusionist, I don’t think that sex is like smoking or drinking. Smoking or drinking are more an entertainment activity you do, just like smoking weed, or jumping from a bungee or even like a sport, it is something you enjoy doing and that makes you feel good.
Having sex in my opinion is more like a need, you where made to have sex and to reproduce, it is almost like eating, having sexual pleasure is something you’r body needs.
I’m a 20 year old virgin and to be perfectly honest, I have no idea. I feel more mature than a lot of people I know who have had sex, but that’s just a relative thing. Personally I feel as though I could be a lot more mature, and whether or not having sex is a part of that, I definitely feel like I’m missing out on a big part of life.
That being said, I don’t plan on jumping into bed with the first girl who bats her eyes at me. Sex won’t help me mature if I go about it immaturely. Well, maybe it would, but not in the way I would like.
@delsol, I agree, having/not having sex is no reflection on maturity. In many cases a person who does not have sex just for the sake of doing it is usually of a more mature nature… depending on the reasons why they are not doing it
Edit: I forgot to say, the REASONS a person has sex are a measure of maturity, and the way it is handled in relation to emotions and sexual health.
@delsol, jumping in bed with the first girl you had the chance to would be a learning experience no matter what…just more than likely one sourced in disappointment when she walks away and you feel betrayed.
It has been reported that guys are actually more interested in committing than woman are, so giving up sex because of a desire to connect emotionally would be a great detriment to your psyche if anything went sour. You’d still learn…just the ‘hard’ way, as they say.
We become different after sex I believe due to the fact of how others view us, and how we view ourselves. I think it is different for everyone as well. Not just as individuals, but in cultures too. I think that those who can avoid sex for a great deal of time are revered high. As pop culture puts it, “You’re like a Unicorn.”
Sex doesn’t make one mature, but with sex comes experience. With experience comes understanding, and with understanding comes maturity. But then again, maturity is all relative. One can be mature regarding one topic but not the other. Someone who has had sex will be able to better understand the feelings, emotions, and everything else that comes with it. Everyone has their own opinions on what they believe is appropriate regarding sexual behavior. Whether someone is the virgin mary or samantha jones, it doesn’t determine whether one mature or not. I believe maturity is all correlated experience, understanding, and responsibility. Maybe sex could be an outlet to develop maturity but i don’t think it determines one’s maturity entirely.
I have to admit, there are times where I just imagine the shear ecstasy of going completely nuts for days in extravagant sex-capades and feel like saying “screw maturity, sex is awesome.”
But I think that view is fleeting and very unsatisfying for prolonged periods. I don’t know that though…I’ve never done it.
@lytning91, You should, it’s great while it lasts. And there’s nothing immature about it, it’s like rutting. Those deer who go nuts during mating season, they’re fighting for tail! Heehee
Experience as much as you can in this life, who knows if you’ll get an other.
@lytning91, True, but it’s also really not very complicated. If it’s what you want, you’ll get it as long as you don’t doubt your ability to do so. I suppose I have the advantage of being a person other people take a sexual interest in, and I can basically lay down my own rules. If they are not accepted, I do not engage. So to speak :D
I feel weird hiding the fact that I really enjoy sex because I feel I might be judged and taken less seriously/ostracised. Can women have a healthy interest and appetite for sex without being judged as sluts or viewed as being dirty? Yes, I know they can, but I still fear that I might witness disgust in a person who knows I have such a lifestyle. Damn my ego for that fear, still working through it :)
In my opinion, Sex is one of those tiny little tick boxes in life that comes with a diverse, sometimes ambiguous and seemingly endless set of terms & conditions that not all of us fully understand before we tick it and press “continue”.
Any sexual experience will change us, change is constant. But does it confirm us as men/women by simply having ticked that box? I don’t believe so.
Having myself made it to twenty years of age before taking the opportunity to tick that box, I had already gone through many positive life changing experiences from breakthrough drug experiences which brought me closer to family & myself, true joy & happiness to the depths of sadness with the loss of close family members including my father before adulthood, childhood sickness and living below the bread-line. These all did far more to help the exploration and understanding of my man-hood than the first time I ticked that little box we’re talking about. Which, for the record was an ill-timed, non-romantic & completely unsatisfying experience.
I was however very lucky that ticking the box in my early twenties, versus my mid-teens should that be considered favourable… blessed me with the opportunity to spend the best part of four years with the most beautiful & caring person I could have ever wished to share this unique life experience with. It can all come down to a positive or negative outcome and learning curves from the experience. Had my first worked out differently, such as the creation of a human life before either of us were ready, or increase the risk of health issue exchange at a time when we were hell-bent on frivolity and blind-sighted by the ‘invincibility’ of youth… it may well have been more a case of the deconstruction of a man (or woman) than the making of one.
@misssunbeam, lol there is that. And honestly, for whatever reason you choose, women are the authority on sexual activity. I can be as horny as any other female, but I don’t see males as having something women want, but rather the opposite. I also don’t want to settle on the quality of the person, either in terms of attraction or connection, because I know I could find someone vulnerable and take advantage of a situation, but I wouldn’t really get fulfillment out of that.
Honestly, you being honest about your sexuality is attractive to me, personally. Free of judgment, and especially with your ability to communicate the ways of thinking you have, I see it as a positive. The trouble comes in finding someone locally with the same mentality and who also possesses the other aforementioned qualities.
Finally, I just think I have a very abrasive personality at times (alongside an apathy in recognizing said characteristic). I can also be very sociable and get on a hot streak, where I basically say the right thing all the time. I have noticed that on my best days I can rope people in with my charms, but my best days aren’t every day. IDK…whatever.
Also, on the subject of sexuality and openness, I actually have had intimate talks with female friends concerning specific recounts of their endeavors, as well as talks about masturbation and sexual exploration. I am completely fine with talking about these things, and I have often found they are really appreciative of having someone to mention these things to. I will spare the details, for the sake of their privacy/integrity, but apparently I seem like a guy girls can come to to discuss such things.