The last few times I’ve smoked weed, I end up creating great songs in my head on the spot. When I do that for long enough, my mind gets into a weird place where it’s focus is an on-off switch. When it’s on, I keep creating music, but when it turns ‘off’ my whole brain shuts down, and all I can hear are the sounds of my environment. I no longer hear any thoughts to distract me.
However, this is not just simply a feeling of awareness, but rather a feeling of death. When my focus turns off, I recognize what my body is going through as a ‘game over’ sensation I would get if i died in a video game. Another thing I notice is I have no emotional attachment to my physical body, except for some resistance. I also can feel the sensation of a blood splatter in black and white. I have no other way of describing this.
This sensation starts off as me just hearing the environmental sounds, but the feeling is so powerful that the instant it starts, I feel myself drifting away into nothingness and becomes harder and harder to resist. In one case I had to try my hardest to stand up to avoid ‘dying.’
I have never fully let go into this sensation for more than a few seconds because I am scared of actually dying, but I’m curious as to if I would experience an ego death.
This happens when my thoughts begin to drift away into something and I become less aware. It definitely reminds me of my surroundings.
Now, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON. So I’m here to ask you all if theres any spiritual side to this sudden feeling of death I get when I smoke.
One theory I have is that it is my ‘root’ or ‘base’ chakra activating, and since I’ve been told that it is pretty weak, I would feel a negative sensation upon activating it.
Another theory is that my brain is slipping into delta waves while I am fully conscious, so I experience almost the same thing as night tremors. Anyway, I would love to hear your theories as well.
Also! This can happen to me in a sober mind as well if I can quiet my thoughts enough.
@jonnyiscool, When i used to smoke like 40 grams to the dome just in one sitting, I found after a while I would feel like you have explained, just totally aware of my surroundings and not my inner thoughts. I do that when i’m sober too. But a couple times I felt like I was going to die, in social situations and I kept asking if everyone was okay, and i felt like the room I was in was the only thing that existed in the entire world. And that huge things were happening out in space. And i like had to leave the room and go and talk to my aunt to calm me down but i just kept telling her to take me to the e.r cause it literally felt like I was just going to end. It was fucking freaky. I figured out I get to anxious from it if i’m already feeling weird around people I don’t like or know or get vibes I just go downward.
This is absolutely nothing to do with ego death. This is fear amplified to an extreme state.
Yeah I’ve been there… you should take a break from weed. Its a slippery slope and one you don’t want to see the bottom of.
“The blood splatter”
hah. almost funny how parallel this is to how I used to feel. I once had a mushroom trip and all I could feel over and over again was my brain hitting the concrete. Over. And over. And over. Splat splat splat. MMM what a wonderful feeling.
Its time to take a break from weed.
If it is anything like my experience it only becomes more pervasive, and it comes to a point where weed isn’t necessary to have that negative death feeling anymore. You start to forget what dreams are reality and what realities are dreams, and things become very fuzzy. You start hearing your voice as if it was in an echo chamber, about 3 feet in front of you and empathizing with people is impossible.
You could call it an awakening, but its a perspective I’m not fond of.
I know the feeling… the only way to find out what it means or to overcome it is to fully let go. I know that sounds difficult, but I understand that the odds are in your favor when it comes to dying while being very fucking high (it’s possible, someone could sneak in and smack you in the head. you could choke on a brownie or something. there are always the scenarios)
Since it’s just not likely for the weed to kill you, I would say that the next time this happens you should fully let go and see where it takes you. For me, I am almost positive it’s a forced opening of the Third Eye chakra: I was blazed on Trainwreck a long time ago and I reached that point of deathly-ness and I let go… needless to say it changed me in a good way. I realized so much about death and life. When you submit to a feeling of death, however true or real, it tends to make you realize the weight of everything.
Life becomes a serious matter when you know that death is very real and it will come for you one day.
Although I do realize that ego means something different to everyone, for me ego implies everything you labelled, this includes labelling food as something to still your hunger, hunger as an indication that one needs to eat, the need to eat, a mean to sustain life, a mean to sustain life, the absence of death.
Do you still want ego death?