Sat down yesterday and tried to let my fingers go as the title popped into my head.. wanted to share so it didn’t just end up on my computer..
THE LETTER TO YOU,
There you are, reading my letter, finally I got to write you, you don’t know for how long I wanted to reach out to you, telling you what was on my mind, was weighing my heart.
I’ve watched you, I’ve followed you, I’ve supported you.. I’ve cheered for you, and I have yelled at you.. I don’t know how to unleash the inner light of my being to you, because I’m not sure you’re ready to receive it, I want to shine for you but I don’t know in what colour.. It’s like a distanced cousin that you feel related to but can’t open up to, like a relationsship with a parent with something unsaid. Something chained, held back, unreleased, a chip on the shoulder, a shackle, a shadow in need of light.
You’ve got it all wrong is what I want to say to you, but I don’t want to create a distance between us, I don’t want to create a resistance between us. That’s why I know we’re doing it wrong, because we’re not yet connected – I don’t have the answer for you, you have to find it yourself, it’s the only way it works. You’ve come along way, I think you know that as well.. You know where you started, you know where you’ve been, you see where you are.. But you also see that where you are, is not where you want to be.. you feel it.. I feel it too.. How can a change occur, in this mindfuld blur – we wrote that, together.. Whenever you open up, let loose, don’t strain, don’t grab, just flow, it comes to you.. You’ve felt that too, I know, otherwise I hadn’t felt it either..
I know you want to understand everything, to explain everything, it’s what makes you, You. I get it.. I really do.. It’s the only way you feel you can cope with your struggle, fixing it, disassembling it, picking it apart in order to put it together in a new and better order. Improving it.. But it doesn’t need improving my friend.. It’s perfectly balanced, the only way it can be.. Like the peddles on a rose folding together beautifully.. beauty and pain in one picture.. grasp it too hard, it pricks you, pluck it, it’ll die.. let it be and flourish in it’s essence, that’s where it’s best.. that’s where you’ll get to enjoy it the most..
I know you’re still struggling, you still let the past interfere with your present, you won’t let go, you keep holding on.. Almost like you think it’s helping you.. but it isn’t.. you need to work on letting it go.. yes Meditation is a good way.. but being present in whatever you do, that’s the practice you need to preach, both to yourself and to others.. The world is a strange place, you weren’t really supposed to notice, but you had your eyes out I guess.. I admire that, it’s a strength, an openness, a sense, something not necessarily common, as you might have noticed.. You can’t fix it all, you’re not supposed to.. You’re supposed to fix yourself right now, and I see you doing that.. I just want to help.. being present is the single most efficient way.. teach yourself, I know you can.. I’ve seen you do it and I’ve seen you move incredible lengths to get as far as you’ve have by now.. Pouring out your heart to me as I do to you.. Still sometimes with the fences up, but sometimes in pure beauty, honourable and present.. You know you like those moments as well, when you’re with someone and you actually feel that you’re yourself.. inside out, from up above the trees, down to the ground, open arms, open eyes, open mind.. Yes, that’s love, that’s really love.. Sometimes it takes time, sometimes it doesn’t, it’s always there as a possible outcome.. We’ve just become so tightened up and inflicted with preferences that we no longer feel its presence.. Why? I really don’t know.. it was never meant to be that way, but it was also not meant Not to be that way.. if you know what I mean..
Don’t be afraid to seek out help, listen as best as you can, speak up when you feel the need to, you’re no worse and no better than anybody else – I think you know, maybe more than most, that we’re not always in control of what we do, sometimes the emotions, our past, our experiences shape our actions and the outcome isn’t always what we intended.. sure you see other people seemingly getting their way, just the way they planned it.. But isn’t the whole essence of why you’re sitting here, the fact that you doubt whether they’re actually happy or that you actually want to be like that? The control thing.. control is a mechanism originated in fear.. a survival mechanism.. we’ve constructed a civilisation based on a underlining of.. fear.. haven’t we?.. the more we can control, the less we have to fear.. seems pretty basic.. I don’t know how it went that way, it could’ve gone in a million different directions, but we ended up here, so.. best to work from here, not lament the past, don’t set out the future in stone.. Just flow, naturally..