The Most Awkward Moment in Sex Yet The Cutest

 Farquaad (@FatFat) 2 months ago

Hi peole. I ain´t new but i haven wrote anything past the few 5 years. After I read some post most of you have had written, i have become myself a lot more mature, still kinda lost in life. 

I´ve been studying filmmaking and honestly i have not been more glad to follow my dreams, which have let me be more human after paying attention to every being i have interviewed. 

Right now i´m starting a new project and i want to hear/read some akward stories of you while you were having sex yet you felt it was a cute moment, something like mine, I´ll start because I find rough not to tell mine before yours.

It all started when I was in highschool, I met a girl, known as Jen, who I dated like four or five times before she started dating other guy. We were like those couples who can´t live without the other, kinda cloying. Anyway, she left me and we started talking again like three years after. She stated that I was her stone in her shoe, like she was so deep in love with me that the fact that never anything happened between us, like sex i thought becuase we were kids, was killing here now that we saw each other in the same university. So, we started talking and shit and then she confesed that she wanted to get laid with me, and then we will figure out how to proceed. So it was, I went to her house, we started kissing and those things we do in bed, (fixed the condom obviously safety first) but as I was puting it in, my erection just disappear, everything was so great right before that. So after a couple of minutes trying to lift it up, we fail miserably, so we lie in bed and started like joking about it and tried to make it less akward, so she said like: ´´every time, we screw things up even more´´ but that moment we started like spooning and telling everything we felt past those years and was like one of the cutes things I ever felt. Anyway, time has go on and I again, i fell tired about the kind of relationship I know it would be if I manage to get with her, I know her to well and I know she´s not the type of girl I wanna get involve with, and right now i know I´m not ready to be with anyone, I have a lot of pain and wounds left to heal. Before you jugde me bad, I know the mistakes I´ve made and know every sin I´ve commited, so I´m in the process of repairing myself.

So there it is, feel free to write anything you like, I´m willing to read everything and eventually when the film is ready HE will be on credits. 

May 12, 2018 at 5:18 pm
Sam (102) (@tictacfanman) 2 months ago ago

“So I was ball’s deep in this guys asshole and…”

Naw I’m just playin cuh.

Most awkward for me occurred a few months ago. I was hosting a little party at my house with these girls, and one of them was giving me every damn body language cue in the book that she was interested. 

Needless to say, I took her to my room later that night. When she gets to my bed I say “hold on a second,” and run out of the room to down a glass of whiskey (big mistake). Now this is important: I popped on American Psycho, and, because nobody can watch him, I had my friends dog join us in the room. He’s a big ole Belgian Malinois, badass dog. I lock him in the room with us, and just let him do his thing. 

We make out, I started working some finger magic on her. She’s SUPER into it, I don’t know if she was just really comfortable or what, but she’s moanin’ all over the place. I’m not saying this to brag, I’m saying this to emphasize how awkward and confusing the moments ahead were. 

Anyways, she cums, and I’m ready to fuck. 

I’m reaching for the condom, and she starts laughing. I turn around to see that the dog is just tearing the shit out of the place. He ripped up a hanger, left paper towel pieces from the trash everywhere, and proceeded to tear a sheet up. At this point I’m WAY too drunk to give a shit, so I just laughed too.

Remember that glass of whiskey? Well, it turns out that I had just had one too many, ’cause now I can’t get hard. I have her blow me, and that does the trick just enough that I’m ready to take the plunge. I slip the condom on, and just before I get down to business…

She starts crying.

 And I’m not talking a few sad tears. I mean sobbing uncontrollably. I stare at her, confused as can be. “Did I do something wrong?” I wonder. “No I definetly didn’t, what the fuck is going on.” I ask what’s wrong, andin between sobs and sniffles (thinking of starting a kleenex brand for widows with a name like that, lmao sobs and sniffles), she says “I can’t do this.”

Now my wee wee turns into a lead filled noodle, falling almost as hard as her tears. <—This little phrase, thought, whatever you call that comes to mind. And I start laughing. I try to hold it in, but the fact that my laughter was entirely innapropriate, combined with the dog going nuts in the background, and her confused, said look made me lose it. I keep trying to ask what’s wrong as I pull up my pants, but all that comes out is “wha’s.. hahdhdahdhahahah soory wrong”

She just keeps crying as she puts her clothes back on.  Now I’m the one in tears as she walks out of the room, still laughing my ass off. The dog keeps tearing shit up, and after I laughed and watched him for minute or too I calmed down. I sat on my bed a moment, reflecting on what had happened when I realized she had no ride home.

My friends had all drove off to give us privacy and grab food, so her only option was to drive home drunk. When this comes to mind, I panic and race out to the back where I see her starting up the car, still crying. 

Now keep in mind, all I had done was pull up my pants. No shirt, No shoes, No belt. I must have been holding my jeans out on the way out, because when I put cause when I put my hands on the car to stop her so we could talk it out, my pants fell to my knees. 

So I started laughing again. 

This worked her up more, and she cried and drove way from me towards the end of the drive. By some stroke of luck, a friend of mine had arrived and blocked her in. They worked out something and she got a ride, meanwhile I just stayed in the back smoking cigarrettes. 

During all of this , another friend had entered the house. He was wasted, and after he  had seen the girl crying, he tries to find me to see what happened. He walks in my room, and the first thing he notices is American Psycho. Now he and I have joked about treating sex like Pat Bateman before, particularly about the “hanger scene.” So imagine the look on his face when he sees a bent up hanger along with torn of shit all over the room. 

He starts running around the house frantically looking for me, searching every room, yelling my name. I faintly hear it, but decide to stay outside and smoke, still laughing about the whole situation. He finally comes outside and I have a huge smile on my face. I say

“Your never gonna beleive what just happened man, I–“

“WHAT DID YOU DO? JESUS CHRIST DUDE WHT DID YOU DO?”

“What are you talking about man? Listen, I couldn’t–“

“The hanger man, the FUCKING hanger, are you kidding me? You know your FUCKED man!”

The yelling goes on for a little longer, and when I realize what he was getting at, I start laughing again. This time however, when I see his disgusted, confused look, I calm myself down just enough to say “Look bro, I didn’t do any of that, your dog did.” 

He pauses before letting out a huge sigh of relief. “Jesus dude I was so fucking scared… omg… blah blha blha….So why was she crying?” 

“Whiskey dick.” 

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Farquaad (1) (@FatFat) 2 months ago ago

HAHAHA omg, I literally read the whole thing laughing. Man, whiskey rides everyone insane. 

I appreciate a lot that experience, i feel like she propably have had some experience like that before haha, anyway i hope she´s alright. 

thanks man, hilarious tho lmao.   

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Sam (102) (@tictacfanman) 2 months ago ago

Trust me dude, I was laughing while writing it too. Nothing crazy, but it was still such a mess.

She’s fine, she apologized the next day and I haven’t heard from her since. A friend of hers said she has a boyfriend now, so I assume all is well.

Hopefully we can get more people on this thread. It’s a shame the site isn’t as active as it used to be, cause’ I bet there are a lot of people with stories way funnier than mine.

Is your name from Lord Farquaad? From Shrek?

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Farquaad (1) (@FatFat) 2 months ago ago

I trust you, I can´t even imagine another way to write that haha

Good to know that and yeah, I think akward situations like those are underrated, and in a site like this is like the best alternative to a bonfire night with people and those underrated things too.

Haha five years ago i thought ´´well, i think no one will ever reply me so why not´´ five years after is me writing about sex questioning if Farquaad was a good account name, no regrets haha. Farquaad is just my account name haha, my actual name is Jose. 

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Sam (102) (@tictacfanman) 2 months ago ago

Just a thought, but I bet @manimal has some good stories, you should hit him up lmao.

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Manimal (2,993) (@manimal) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

why would you think that’s the case lol

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Sam (102) (@tictacfanman) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

“I honestly can’t think of any that fit the cute criterion. Only stuff that’s embarrassing, painful, and/or gross.”

 That’s why lmao. I didn’t have a cute story either, just figured there would be something interesting to tell. 

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Farquaad (1) (@FatFat) 1 week, 6 days ago ago

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Sam (102) (@tictacfanman) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

Also, if you check my location on my profile, I think this would make more sense.

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Manimal (2,993) (@manimal) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

So you’re behind me, huh? Nothing but a construction site behind me though.
I’m also wondering where everyone went. But I’m pretty sure the answer is Facebook. We were talking about breathing new life into the discussion boards, but I don’t know.

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Sam (102) (@tictacfanman) 2 weeks ago ago

Geez man, Facebook? I probably log into that less than I do here. 

I do miss the active discussion boards, but I can’t criticize the situation too much, as I do little to help it with my sporadic logins. 

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Manimal (2,993) (@manimal) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

I honestly can’t think of any that fit the cute criterion. Only stuff that’s embarrassing, painful, and/or gross.

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Farquaad (1) (@FatFat) 1 week, 6 days ago ago

Well, i don´t really need cute stories, just awkward or embarrassing, the painful stories are on me ;)

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flower21 (15) (@flower21) 2 weeks ago ago

In this situation it is difficult to give any advice. No comment.

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Sam (102) (@tictacfanman) 2 weeks ago ago

He isn’t asking for advice. He is asking for “cute” sex stories. However, I am of the opinion that one should share any *interesting* sex story.

So please, share.

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