What is the biggest thing holding you back from living the life you want?

Profile photo of Jordan Bates Jordan Bates (@bashfulkoala) 2 months, 2 weeks ago

I’m curious to know what the biggest factors are that are preventing you from living the life you want, the life you dream of.

Or, contrarily, are you already living the life of your dreams?
October 31, 2016 at 11:59 am
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Twaha (0) (@Twaha-Ubwa) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

Interesting Question.
For me the answer is “A stable Passive Income”

I need the freedom to travel around the world, to explore. 

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cloudkid (2) (@cloudkid) 2 months ago ago

I’ll second this. I dont need alot. If i could make $2k a month as a stable and passive income, i could fulfill my dreams. Build and work on projects, take time to meditate, breathe, exercise and just be. I find that although I do those things, I do them when I have the time, which seems to be more rare these days than not. 

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Jordan Bates (4,188)A (@bashfulkoala) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

You might consider moving to another country for a while. If you live in Thailand or Bulgaria, for instance, you can get by on as little as $500/month. 

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Perrucheo (1) (@Perruche-Ondulee) 3 weeks, 1 day ago ago

Thailand’s visa rules have become much stricter now though… maybe not the best option to move there for more than a few months. I’d try Laos or Cambodia instead…

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Neo11.11 (0) (@Neo11.11) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

well i would say “fear of failure”. Once you have everyone’s trust and start something and it goes south, its really hard to get it back. 

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ru91ssia (10) (@Jevgeni) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

I am 30 and I have been working a very lucrative job in the financial sector for the past 3 years. The job is flexible, well paid and for me not very demanding. For some reason I am just good at this job. This saturday I said a painful goodbye to a person I deeply care about and this episode made me reconsider everything in my life. Waking up Sunday the realities of my life started to gather a hurricane of thoughts with a twist of a solid anxiety. While reevaluating my entire life and my current understanding of it, this is what I realized; There is a nescesarry income to cover your food and rent. Of course it is nice to be able to go traveling somewhere, but that’s possible without great expenses. You can hop on a sailboat heading where ever you want in the world and be part of a crew, until you reach your destination. There are other ways to do those things. The past three years I have moved away from everything I believed in. I have an acting education and what some time was a few hour a week job I had while studying, became a full time comfort cushion. Sure it’s nice to get a paycheck that’s way larger than my actual expenses, It allowed me to buy things, it gave me the freedom of not having to worry about what I would spend on a night out and it allowed me to buy my poor artist friends drinks when they were broke. I could go traveling anywhwehere I wanted 5 weeks a year staying at classy hotels. That’s all really great. What I didn’t realize all this time though, is what these material things did to my identity and how my spending habits sort of became a part of my personality. That’s scary and what’s even scarier is that these habits would become so engraved in myself and make the descision of leaving this job so much harder. I have been disillusioned by the steady income this whole time. Compensating for my being miserable by buying stuff, which I really believed would make me happier. Short term they did. Sunday morning I woke up and realized that I don’t care about any of this crap I have surounded myself with, because it all came at a greater cost than the actual price tag. These things became the anti depressants that would make my everyday life bearable, my nights out self destructive and a phone full of contacts that frequently altered their numbers. I spent the entire Sunday wondering how I was going to deal with the nightmare I have been living. The time I have been spending working at the office, took away what I really loved doing. I have a huge passion for the arts, (mainly filmmaking and acting) but this “steady income syndrome” has occupied all the time I had. I have been surpressing my talents and passions, worrying about what car I was gonna lease or how I might want to upgrade my stereo. While I was spending and buying more, the desire to get the next thing would grow stronger. Which actually makes a lot of sense, looking back. The more time passed – the more miserable I felt and the bigger things would I need to compensate. It’s a actually simple logic. That Sunday  I took a look at a timeline of the entire human history, then compared my own life’s timeline to that and I thouhgt; even if you succeed as an artist people will forget you at some point. If you fail people might never find out who you are or some might have a laugh at you one night but then forget you even faster. So here is the question; do I want to have a steady income doing a shitty office job that presumably will end up with a heart condition because of to many calls to those persuasive phone numbers. Loosing my hair from stress while hunting down that job that provides a bigger bag of money for the things that will need to get bigger as time passes. Or do I want to give my dream a try? Put my talent to a test and see how far I’ll go with great odds of a living a life where worrying about where to make that next rent of the month is a common everday concern. Not being able to buy that cute girl at the bar a drink hoping to take her home. For me it is a no brainer. Pursuing my dream will mean that I will be learning and mastering my craft until the end of time. It might get hard financially at times but that is a risk I am willing to live with. At least I try to calm myself by thinking that everything will somehow work itself out. Continuing at the office I imagine regretting everything about life in the last bed I’d be occupying, hating myself for not trying to do what I really wanted. Thinking maybe I could have made it. So Monday I came in at the regular hour pulled my boss aside and handed her my resignation. I have a little money saved up for the next couple of months but from then on I’ll just have to see what life brings me. When I walked out of my office building  I felt stronger then ever. Today l see everything so much clearer and I know that I will find my way and this way is going to be much more satisfying then anything else I know of.   

        

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Jordan Bates (4,188)A (@bashfulkoala) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

Damn, man, that’s a really powerful story. Props to you for taking the leap and quitting. Your story reminded me of this article: http://highexistence.com/wake-up-from-the-matrix/ 

I wish you all the best on this new path you’ve set out upon. Keep us posted.

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Rjlin23 (1) (@X43da13om13x) 2 months ago ago

For some reason this reminds me of the book “The Alchemist.” Wish you all the best! 

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Pedro (0) (@PedroGuimaraes) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

Wow! This was very insperational. No one every grew from being comfortable, growth comes from being uncomfortable. Well Don!

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treasure.ed (0) (@treasure456) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

the biggest thing holding me back in the life i want to live is all the violence and all the deaths i hate violnce and deaths you can`t ever solve a problem without viloence theses days and deaths there so many deaths these days

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Jordan Bates (4,188)A (@bashfulkoala) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

consider reading this: http://www.refinethemind.com/global-progress-11-charts-world-is-getting-better/

​it might put your mind at ease a bit 

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destinyfucker (1) (@destinfucker) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

social anxiety.

It is the root of my all problems.

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Hmwilith (0) (@Hmwilith) 2 months ago ago

My advice, spend time learning to love yourself, http://highexistence.com/my-radical-realization-about-self-love/, read this and do the practices it says. I know I had serious social problems and just never felt like I could b a part of converdsations or that I didn’t deserve to just relax and enjoy myself like everyone else was. I have slowly started focusing on self love and my mental state when I’m around people has imporved tenfold. I don’t worry about how I am coming across or how people see me, I am confident in what I belive and how I appear and focus on what people are saying and connecting to others.

Obviously it’s just a start and you wont always feel fantastic in every situation, but you shouldn’t let self doubt stand in the way of your future :)

Good Luck

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Happinessisreal1234 (3) (@coopernoah1) 1 month ago ago

I second that. It has made my life a lot harder and more painful than it needs to be. Stay strong man :)

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phoenix_86 (2) (@phoenix86) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

Heafty bank balance ? steady source of income ? society to a certain extent

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flower21 (11) (@flower21) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

I think my life is good. I have a family, job and I know what to do tomorrow. There will be problems always. Just be thankfull for all that you have now. 

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Shiho Satoh (0) (@Shiho-Satoh) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

Needed it. Thanks. 

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paradox (1) (@smularachchi) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

trying to make everyone happy and that thing called EGO..The need to show off and be on the top of the world will definitely prevent you from living the life that you want

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Rachel (3) (@Rachel-Furtado) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

fear of hurting someone you love 

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Rachel (3) (@Rachel-Furtado) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

fear of hurting someone you love 

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Sarah Schumacher (0) (@sarahschu) 1 month, 2 weeks ago ago

I feel you

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John Daly (1) (@johnnydaly007) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

The biggest thing that is holding me back is college. I’m not a test taker and many students are not. I spend countless hours studying to just do par. It’s disheartening that the universities view our GPA as a measure of how successful we will be and whether or not we get to move forward. When in all reality our GPA is not an accurate measure of our successes. It’s apparent that our higher education is backwards. Instead of inspiring students to pursue their passions they are just making us waste a lot of time studying for tests that will have little to no positive impact in our lives. Their perspective of preparing us for the “real world” needs to be revised.

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Visor (2) (@Visor) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

Too many expectations, I guess. I tend to expect the reality to behave one way, it behaves another. Nothing special, we always have something to learn. But if you’re uploading of expectations, it often hurts.

I believe the problem of many is in their mindset. When I look at what my dream life should be like, it is always the life in the moment. Without worrying about the future or the past, about your job, your income, your current projects, your relationships with others, the opinion of others about you, trying to impress other people. I’m too cluttered in my mind right now.

Today it struck me another time, so I decided I really need to start living my dream life right now. The dream does not just come true out of the blue – it is a gradual process of change. While I do want to travel a lot and meet nice people, and I do need money for that, money only will not bring me the dream. What’s the point of being on another side of the world if your mind is all in your work? So it is not very wise of mine to give too much focus to work while forgetting to enjoy the moment.

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Swordfish (0) (@Swordfish) 2 months, 2 weeks ago ago

My interpersonal relationships / getting along with others.

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eyeguy (0) (@Eye2theSky) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

Perfectionism and it’s ugly side

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Nely (1) (@bold4life562) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

I’m not living the life of my dreams. I have this wierd concern that when I truly and deeply go after my dreams all of my family and friends and social life will go by the wayside. 

To be honest the biggest thing holding me back is being willing to put myself out there. The biggest thing I need to do is get my hands dirty get all in the mud and find what works and what doesn’t.

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SParez (1) (@SParez) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

Not knowing where to start

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Jordan Bates (4,188)A (@bashfulkoala) 1 month, 3 weeks ago ago

This was a useful starting point for me a few years ago: https://vimeo.com/63961985

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Extremely debilitating mental illness and money for that treatment (and then money after that.)

Those are only the basics, but I guess even before those is just the want/desire to live another day, another minute even.

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Extremely debilitating mental illness and money for that treatment (and then money after that.)

Those are only the basics, but I guess even before those is just the want/desire to live another day, another minute even.

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KiWi (1) (@KiwiGirl) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

Uncertainty of the future.

When you’re not sure what you want, or what you should be doing, it’s hard to know how to achieve your goals.

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Nic (0) (@LaNico) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

I think the responsibility to raise my kids well

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lanzhie (0) (@Lanzhie) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

Money I think and citizenship status. My family and I migrated here in the US years ago hoping for a faster process towards US citizenship. However, living here with only a dependent visa from my dad makes me powerless. Meaning I literally have the same rights as undocumented immigrants. Everything I want to pursue or try is being hindered by my status although I am not absolutely undocumented. I can’t apply for any job nor part-time jobs to help my parents get more money or for my college. I can’t apply for FAFSA and DACA did not respond to my application last SY. I cannot apply for scholarships that I have found because they ask for my Social Security which I apparently do not have. I am very new to US life and we live in a place where there’s little-to-no people that are facing the same cases as I am. And what hurts the most, even though I badly wants to get back to my home country, I cannot. My parents does not want to go back, and I do not have enough power nor rights to disobey them and follow my inclinations. This is just the worst years of my life. I literally feel like I am imprisoned for something I have no control of forced to face a life I did not choose. 

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Florence.3 (3) (@Florence.3) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

I guess it’s ‘garbage in mind’, wrong beliefs, resentment, other negative feelings and emotions deep inside.

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djbonkers (2) (@djbonkers) 2 months, 1 week ago ago

I keep hearing from adults (I’m 18) that my generation lacks that passion our precedents had. For me I feel that a bit. I’ve always been driven by music and have been making, playinh, and writing for more than 10 years, but there’s so many things that try to devaite me, and it seems my peers as well, from what we think we want to do be and do in life. I think its definitely food for thought, I’m curious to see if people my age feel this way, thanks for posting this question!

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Happinessisreal1234 (3) (@coopernoah1) 1 month ago ago

I definitely feel that man. I think our generation does lack a bit of passion for the real world because we are so intertwined with technology, tv, shitty music with no spiritual or philosophical significance whatsoever, always looking down at a screen rather than up at the world in front of us, things like that. I have been in love with music and playing and composing it for many years too. I think that getting lost in a song or letting go of everything and just being in the moment creating music really frees your mind and offers a respite from the pain and confusment of everyday life. Its a beautiful thing man. 

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