I used to be a pill junkie and all my friends had to watch me turn slowly into a hollow shell of my former self. I still fuck around sometimes (not with the same drug but similar ones) but am no longer addicted. A friend of mine is getting really deep into the exact drug I was hooked on for 2 years. I am so worried yet feel extremely helpless because I know there’s not much in my power to do. When I was in that position, nothing anyone said did a thing. I had to learn the hard way. The fucked up thing is, while about 75% of me hates that vile drug and wants to cry for my friend and help him in any way possible, 25% now cannot stop thinking about getting my hands on it. Perhaps more than 25%… This is shameful but I’m a pretty open person, and it’s true. Can anyone relate to any segment of this fiasco?
It’s not so much shameful, it’s just a fact of life for us that we have to live with, and that we’ve accepted that 25% of the time we’re gunna want to get back to that. In situations that are close to home like yours, your inner dormant addict is screaming to get a hold of it.
But you’re not following that voice, I’m happy you came here and spoke about it. I’ve had my moments, especially when coke was laid out in front of me on the table. When I could smell it, taste it, my nose instantly started running. There’s a bottle of Whiskey in the fridge and it’s calling to me, but I’m not beckoning to that call. I like you, wanted nothing more but to inform those people what they’re doing to themselves if they don’t stop there – but we know they won’t listen to anyone but themselves. The best we can do is watch out for ourselves, and keep our inner addict sober.
I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but I am proud of you Ellie! We hold two largely different views on a lot of shit, but this…I feel you. I respect you. Don’t feel shitty or fucked up, because we’re always going to have that desire to pick it up again.
You acquired the experiential wisdom of how you do not want your life to be anymore. No matter how hard the cravings are pulling you, the other 75% of you is pulling with a lot stronger force. Do not give up on that, believe that the path you have chosen is the right path, believe that the easy way of the cravings will only take you back to the place you do not want to be anymore. I can definitely relate to what you are saying cause I have been there myself, succumbed to the cravings multiple times, and all the hard work that I have been doing to come to a certain point, had been destroyed like that.
You know the place, you know that you do not want to go back there, you know that you are strong enough to overcome it.
You do not need our confirmation for this, because deep down you know that you will not get back to that place, no matter the decision of your friends.
Push yourself, stay on the right path, no matter the external influences. Believe, pray to God or whatever else may help you to choose wisely and make the right decision. Trust yourself, you are strong enough for sure, do not doubt that! The moments of pleasure will not be worth the pain you will get afterwards! Fight, and do not give up, fight in what you believe for, keep fighting how you have been fighting so far, you came out of it, meaning that you have strong willpower and a big dedication and motivation to overcome whatever you want to overcome! The craving that you feel right now is just a fake craving, a trick of your mind to get you to a fake place of pleasure that you do not really want to be. It is not you who is craving for that, it is your old habit patterns, your old lifestyle which is not real anymore, you are not that person anymore!
@alexa, @filipek, I do need your guys’s words right now! They have helped me so much! Right after I wrote this I was asking my friend to help me get it and then I read Alexa’s comment which served as a much needed reminder and told him nevermind. And then your comment Filip helps me more than I can ever say! In fact I am going to print it out and keep it in my wallet. Thank you guys so much.