I’m still trying to figure it all out.
19 years old, but I feel as though I were born yesterday, I don’t know how but I’ve missed the last 19 years of my life, perhaps a mental coma or hibernation? All I know of myself is that I am socially awkward because I have only ever once met a person that I felt I could remotely relate to, and in that one person I found meaning and purpose and a connection deeper than anything I had ever thought possible, the flame within me was kindled. But it didn’t last, my soul mate left, and my flame went too, as quickly as it had burst into life so too did it, because without oxygen a flame cannot exist.
Shortly after the departure I soon fell back into my old habits, Sleep, eat, eat, eat, sleep, with a smattering of work and school mixed in. I did nothing but the bare minimum to continue my pathetic existence and to avoid too much friction within my life.
I have always lived my life this way, but only now have I begun to seek something more. I am literally on the brink, I am not talking of a battle waged long ago that has passed from memory, I speak of a battle waging literally this very second, as I type this and as you read this. I am and always have been, excluding that brief time with my soul mate, already dead… I just didn’t know it before. I have come to this site in the hopes of finding assistance in this battle, I have come to ask for your help, YOU the person reading this at this very second, yes you, YOU PERSONALLY to help me, help me live, I am asking you to save my soul, help me to find happiness, help me to find purpose, help me find a reason to wake up every morning. I know what I ask is a lot, and I know that it will take constant diligence and constant effort and that it will not be easy, that it may very well be a near insurmountable task, but I don’t need it to be easy, I just need help, I need support and most of all I need a kindred spirit. So here I am, on my knees, begging you to save my life, I need help to get out of this state of undeath I’m in so that I can truly live. I am terrified of the “life” I’m living now, it is literally the realization of my worst fear, but I cannot avoid it alone, I need someone to pull me from the ditch, dust me off, and walk with me, to where ever the road may take us. I apologize for this sounding so miserable and pathetic, but I believe in 100% honesty, I believe Truth is invaluable and I will never get what I need if I never ask for it, so here I am.
“There will always be people within a movement who purposefully or not lead the movement the opposite direction. If you travel east long enough you will find yourself west of where you began.”
“A great oak is only a little nut that held its ground.”
“A fool’s brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry.”
“A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring.”
“A mind is a fire to be kindled, not a vessel to be filled.”
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
“You poor soul, as hypersensitive, as emotional, as right and as wrong as I,
A great many, too many for me to list, at least at the moment. I will say this though, books have had such a massive impact on my life it is almost unbelievable.
Happy, with meaningful lyrics that get you thinking. Feel free to shoot me suggestions for songs I should listen to, literally anytime, I am remaking my entire music library from scratch in an effort to put the past behind me and start new.
|Film & TV||
I have several televisions, but I do not have TV (cable/satellite/etc.) But I did download and watch Merlin seasons 1-4 and I have seen two episodes of Revolution and that show has the potential to turn into a major favorite of mine.
Other than those two I like “Through the Wormhole” and “Into the Universe” But alas I haven’t seen either of those in years. Last time I saw Into the Universe it only had 3 episodes, I believe they were “Is time travel possible” “Do aliens exist” and “The story of everything” or something along those names. And I only ever saw 3 or so episodes of Through the wormhole, but both of those shows are favorites of mine because I didn’t even know that there was a science channel until I saw my first episode of Through The Wormhole, plus the shows themselves are obviously amazingly educational and they are definitely thought-provoking.