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Obviously, you're not a golfer 600

@donjaime23
(605) active 5 years, 3 months ago
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  • 2013-11-24 @ 10:16:20

    NO, It’s the fact that the regions where these people live receive rain for HALF the year that causes them to have no clean drinking water…NOTHING to do with Coca-Cola!

    True story. Don’t drink coke

  • 2013-09-24 @ 18:45:08

    The Dude is my role model for life. I’m going nowhere, I’ll never become anything, I’ll accomplish nothing, and, uh…yeah, I’m okay with that, man.

    The dude abides

  • 2013-09-05 @ 17:02:45

    Then why did I just eat you?

    Friends not food

  • 2013-07-25 @ 18:26:52

    If you could make a 30 second speech to the entire world, what would you say?
    -“Since only 27% of you can understand English, I’m just going to make some farting noises and prove once and for all that farting noises are the funniest thing on Earth.”

    If you were going to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45pm?
    -Depends on what I was going to die of.

    How do you really KNOW anything for sure?
    -I KNOW I at least know how to use a computer.

    If you had all the money in the world but still had to have some kind of job, what would you choose to do?
    -If I had all the money in the world, my job would probably be managing the now-broke globe.

    When you’re 90 years old, what will matter most to you?
    -Wiping my ass unassisted.

    What do you regret most so far in life?
    -Having regrets.

    How can you apply the lesson you learned from that regret to your life TODAY?
    -Just roll with things.

    What would you change if you were told with 100% certainty that God does not exist? Or if you don’t believe in God, that he does exist?
    -I’ve been told that God does and does’t exist by people who were respectively 100% certain of it, and I didn’t change a damn thing.

    If you lost everything tomorrow, whose arms would you want to run into? Does that person know how much they mean to you?
    -If I lost everything, I wouldnt have those people to run to. If I still had those people, I wouldn’t have lost everything.

    Do you fear death? If so, do you have a good reason?
    -No. If I died today, it would make tomorrow a hell of a lot easier.

    What would you change if you knew you were NEVER going to die?
    -Take out gargantuan life insurance policies on everyone I knew since I knew I’d outlive them all.

    If you were at heaven’s gates, and God asked you, “why should I let you in?”, what would you say?
    -“Is Benjamin Franklin here? ‘Cause I KNOW I wasn’t as bad as that motherfucker!”

    When will you be good enough for you? Is there some breaking point where you will accept everything about yourself?
    -Probably when I’m 90.

    Is the country you live in really the best fit for you?
    -Without question.

    What would people say about you at your funeral?
    -What wouldn’t people say about me at my funeral?

    What small thing could you do to make someone’s day better?
    -Let them know if their fly is unzipped.

    (If you believe in god) would your relationship with god change at all if you were told with 100% certainty that he was actually a she?
    -Personally, I don’t believe God has a gender.

    What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?
    -A really good bj.

    18 Thought Provoking Questions

  • 2012-11-25 @ 11:26:11

    “But what about us, bwana? Most of us go through our entire lives illiterate, we don’t even have medication to help with a bad case of diarrhea, and our primary sources of entertainment are not getting killed by lions and water buffalo!”

    Truth

  • 2012-11-15 @ 15:39:19

    Go home, mind. You’re drunk.

    If only you could see my thoughts

  • 2012-10-31 @ 10:03:56

    Story of my life right there.

    Perfection is constant

  • 2012-10-18 @ 19:36:29

    …or the caps key.

    THREE THINGS CANNOT BE LONG HIDDEN: THE SUN, THE M

  • 2012-10-18 @ 07:11:48

    Yellow pill.

    Pills

  • 2012-10-15 @ 09:01:38

    Quote of the century (so far.)

    Space Jump

  • 2012-09-13 @ 06:15:40

    Sure, because going to a rally and holding up a sign is accomplishing so much…

    .

  • 2012-09-09 @ 08:38:42

    This makes it sound like a “full life” is being uneducated, broke, alone, and homeless.

    too many people living empty lives

  • 2012-09-08 @ 16:09:34

    so…what are my other options?

    I AM FREE.

  • 2012-06-30 @ 06:48:35

    says the picture on the internet…

    Media job

  • 2012-06-18 @ 12:19:39

    “FOR THE MOTHERLAND!!!!!” -the bee

    Why bees die when they sting