Reply To: Attraction vs. Compatibility

New Home Forums Epiphanies & Ideas Attraction vs. Compatibility Reply To: Attraction vs. Compatibility

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L # Posted on March 28, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Perhaps my use of “vs.” in the discussion title is misleading. I don’t believe you have to choose one over the other. I am much more curious to know how you, as a brilliant, thoughtful person, balance the two (and how you balance them with other necessary relationship traits!).


@Paige
explained that compatibility fuels attraction for her, so a symbiotic relationship develops. I wonder if it would be possible to cultivate the reverse of this relationship, as well, where your attraction fuels your desire to identify commonalities and enhance compatibility?

Have you ever been in a relationship where you must work harder at attraction or at compatilibity than the other? Which is preferable to have more of at the beginning of a relationship? What about 6 months or 6 years in?

Is there a cycle (wild attraction that segues into comfortable compatibility), and can we teach ourselves to break it? How do you build compatibility with a partner you’re attracted to, or is it something the couple innately has or don’t have?

Do you value one more than the other (i.e., does attraction/mystery/interest/gravitational pull keep you interested in your partner when compatibility feels boring)?