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Deke # Posted on June 26, 2014 at 11:39 am

I heard Stef say “WTF?!?” while I was having one of the most transcendental experiences of my well-explored psychedelic life. In 25 years of mind-bending exploration I’ve never seen fit to risk writing on the internet – but frankly I’ve got to share this one.

Who’s Trip is This Anyway?
I have to admit to being a bit reckless – a bit out of character where psychedelics are concerned and surely a complicating – if not mitigating factor in my experience. But was my experience a k-hole, or a ketamine induced re-birth? Are they the same thing? This time felt different. Very VERY different from my earlier experiences with K. It’s been haggling my psyche all week (not in a bad way mind you – the kind of questions that give meaning to life).

At 41, the best advantage to being an older “partier” is the privileged access to quality drugs. The b-side to that advantage is the naive notion that one can handle most anything – I almost didn’t this time. Raving in the 90s I had some modest experience with ketamine but found it to be less than stellar for dancing with a thousand people in a warehouse and left it at that (with no particular psychedelic results) for a good 15 years.

The Drugs
With an undergrad in biology I know what a good chemical precipitate should look like and this ketamine was excellent – we were having a GREAT night. The problem, I THINK turned out to be the amphetamine. There was, for the record, some weak LSD thrown in for some measure…But what I now know, or rather what I THINK I now know is that one should not mix dissociative drugs with amphetamine for fear of a permanent psychotic break. Fortunately my break was temporary – but at the time I was convinced that after a fantastic evening, I just may have lost my mind.

And There WAS a Break…
So we mixed some more K and speed and intentionally snorted our way to explore our dose limits for K. Now I’ve been in a K hole before – and I KNEW that’s exactly where I was – where WE were….and was relatively comfortable with that…but….

When Time Becomes a Loop
I found myself questioning not so much how deep this hole was – I knew it was deep…I’ve been in a K hole before…..but how long I was there. I found myself repeating discussions (in my mind)….the same conversation over and over again….I definitely felt dissociated and grew concerned that I had been for some time – some very long time….was I there for weeks? months? years? The same conversation looped – “Do you know where you are? You’ve lost your mind”. I worried that I had checked in and the people around me where trying to tell me I had lost my mind (tho no one at this pt was actually talking to me, in fact the conversations were with worried loved ones that were not even there). I seriously felt stuck at the moment of the Big Bang….conversing with God (or a pan dimensional being) in a conversation that kept looping back – repeating in a way as he demonstrate the farce of time – the very root of three dimensional existence – and ending in exactly the same words in which it started. Even tho I could accept that our reality may be anything but I nonetheless wanted to re-join the Society of the Spectacle.

Shared Consciousness
I could then hear the people around me, and though my eyes were closed I could see each of them (some of whom I just met, all of whom were cool) in neat squares rotating about in a Hollywood Squares kind of matrix that became increasingly ordered – a shared collective consciousness being ordered – by definition – in a mysterious and organized methodical linear way. And as that order increased, I heard Stef say “WTF?!?”. I’m SURE that moment was being shared….my two uses of “being” ..being entirely intentional (ok – that’s 3 ;) )…..I was not scared by this ordering….in fact it was comforting and I felt warm fuzzies for those around me….a kind of orgasmic though platonic oneness. And I resolved to ask my friends if they had in fact “seen” the same ordering….of course it being entirely possible they were each on their own entirely respective trips….but I just don’t think so! But as I resolved to ask the question about life the universe and everything I got….

The Shock of My Life
Literally….I thought I was being shocked. Electrocuted. I felt like I was paralyzed with electricity and could not move save for the electrical convulsions contracting my muscles. I was worried I had rolled over onto an electrical cord and resolved that if I did not try to “throw” myself from its current I would surely die if I was in fact not already dead. This was, to say the very least, a discouraging moment b/c I had returned from my Big Bang Dissociated Time Loop where I had spent some time in an intergalactic insane asylum at the bottom of a k hole and was successfully extracting myself rather comfortably with the realigning of our shared consciousness. This Shock felt distinctly different from the K hole. I had collapsed or convulsed on the floor.

The next thing I knew I was semi-conscious and walking outside into the night air to collect myself.

WTF Just Happened?
A dear close friend came out to check on me (thank God – which he might as well have been at that moment). He did not partake in the K though knows the drug well.
Rather than ask me what just happened I asked him. Though he wasn’t watching at the exact moment I felt I was convulsing, he was in the room and knew I had collapsed – they had heard the thud and I was on the ground from where I rose to walk outside. He reminded me that I had taken a rather strong dissociative analgesic – and too much of it. He at first made light of the situation so as to scare me….he chided me into believing they had in fact Tasered me in a misguided joke….and that I had been in cardiac arrest. I believed him at first – so sure was I that I had been shocked…..until he assured me within moments that was not the case. He guided the conversation toward my query that perhaps mixing too much K with any amount of speed was perhaps a tad reckless. “Yes” he said – “that’s exactly what I am saying”. He’d heard of this “Shock” and said I probably skated recklessly too close the edge and really did hit the bio-electrical reset – a function I am eternally grateful worked.

Ketamine is a wonderfully beautiful psychedelic I will sure do again more responsibly. A great evening almost ended terribly but I am a better person for it.

I was touched by a God, experienced the Big Bang, lost my mind and have been re-born.