Reply To: I Am Dead on the Inside. Yes, I am Happy.

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Jay # Posted on October 13, 2014 at 11:36 pm

I don’t see misery or sorrow as negative emotions. I find emotions play many roles, one to teach us life lessons and tell us how we really feel about a situation.

When I am cold, I seek warmth and to hold another. When I am lonely I seek comfort, love to feed my void. But that is all what I am, a void. Yes, I am a beautiful expression of something higher than myself. And even though I am nothing, that nothingness is love. I feel it. I am love.

When I give I feel pleasure, but it is only temporary. There is no such thing as a selfless act. There is no real joy in giving. The illusion of greed does not exist inside me. I do not need anything beyond my basic needs to survive. I share with others and that gives me a sense of joy. A light, even though I see what each person will feel is only temporary. But we each get comfort.

I am empty. My spirit is hiding from me. I feel I explored my existence to such a degree I am now unhappy with the answers, the truth. I wanted something grand over all these lifetimes of living. But there is nothing grand, only the ordinary. So yes, I am happy and blessed with a great life ahead of me. I am safe.

Whatever higher power is above me, I am loved. I am dead on the inside, and yes, I am happy. I am happy to see the truth and happy to know that when I am lonely and scared I have my family with me. They walk with me, every one of us with our nothingness. They might not see the truth as I see it, and in some ways I wish they never knew. But, I am happy.