Reply To: Help?

New Home Forums Social Help? Reply To: Help?

Author Replies
Rachel # Posted on December 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm

There is so much I want to say! I have been in a similar situation in the past with my current partner. We were working through some personal growth issues and neither of us had enough in us mentally or emotionally to treat each other the way we wanted to be treated. There was an amicable split though we were still very much in love. Our relationship was downgraded to “good friend” status for over two years before we felt prepared to give it another go, but the time apart figuring ourselves out made it possible to have a healthy relationship which we still enjoy today, rather than the immature and volatile relationship we started with.

Ellie, you are still living together; is this the plan indefinitely? You say you are going out on a date tonight: is your ex seeing other people as well?
I guess what I’m asking is, are you wanting to move on from this situation and separate yourselves more fully, or is this a temporary “break” so to speak. Apologies if you have mentioned this in other threads, I just joined the forums and don’t know if there’s more background here.

I guess what I want to know, or what you need to make sure that *you* know, is what do you see happening with this in the short term as well as the long term? You say you would like to reconcile but that the people you two are right now couldn’t do so in a healthy fashion. do you want to scale back to platonic friendship? roommates? fuck buddies? strangers? pen pals? etc? decide what you want this to be and then make the arrangements to do it. If living with your ex is making it hard not to feel possessive or making it impossible to go through with the split, you may need to work out some alternate living arrangements at least for a little while.