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Ben # Posted on August 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Really glad I saw this post yesterday, cause I really need it today :P

I’m pissed. Dissapointed and frustrated really. Basically, at the end of last year I could finally say I got over this breakup that took me about a year to get past. So having felt I was once again rooted in myself, I started taking an interest in looking for a girl again. I didn’t wanna rush or force anything, i just felt I was ready so I’d keep my eyes open. I pursued a couple girls who I liked, failed cause I got too close to them and they just saw me as a friend, but then realized it was all good in the end cause as I got to know them better it became clear we were better off as just friends anyway. But then this girl who I had met once before ended up in a couple of my classes. I had never gotten to know her before; always said hi if I saw her around but never had any actual conversations. After talking to her a bit more over a couple weeks I realized she was fuckin awesome. She loves philosphy, especially shit like Buddhism/Taoism, listens to great music, is a tree hugger like me, and is just so much fun to be around. I jump the gun, and tell her I like her way too soon cause I was afraid if I waited too long I’d just get friendzoned again. She says she’s not at a point where she’s looking for a relationship but she likes hanging out with me.
After that I gave up for a little while, but then towards the end of the semester she started seeming like she was into me. I was almost certain about it, and was still very much into her. But since it was the end of the year and soon enough we’d be seperated for a couple months I figured it’d be better to wait until the beginning of this semester to ask her to lunch, or whatever other kind of first date. So over the summer we’ve texted a lil bit, talked on facebook, and the mood is always cheerful with lots of smileys and !!’s. But yesterday I see that now she’s in a relationship with this guy who lives near her hometown. And it just fuckin sucks, cause I was really lookin forward to something awesome finally happening for me after a couple years of not even having kissed a girl.

This morning I knew I’d get a TUT message from the universe in my email. I was hoping for some guidance. It said that the “home runs” in life almost never happen when you’re looking toward the future, but if you work a little moment by moment on bettering yourself, that’s when they come to you. That struck me, and was really exactly what I needed. Cause I realized I’ve spent almost this entire summer so focused on looking forward to being with her. And I realized that I had been doing the same thing with other girls even before I had really started to talk to her. Its hit me that in my pursuit of a relationship I never REALLY took the time to do what exactly will get me there the fastest, which is take a little time for myself and chill on that whole part of life. It always amazes me how much life is like a goddamn Chinese fingertrap. It still fuckin blows though, cause now I feel regret for not having done that sooner, cause I know me and this girl could have really had something great together. But at the same time I feel like feeling regret for anything is kinda stupid, because it’s my belief everything happens at the exact right time you need it to to learn the lesson you need to learn. What I need to learn is to give myself some time, and then trust the universe to bring me a relationship when I’m ready. But I’m just pissed and a lil jaded I didn’t do that sooner.

Again, thanks for this thread. I needed a little place to vent this stuff. I know what I need to do, but still any comments or advice would be appreciated. In alot of ways I know I’m a smart, confident muthutrukka who’s gonna make life awesome for myself. But it’s days like these that I see how much I need to work on certain parts of my life : /