|Aquariom44||# Posted on October 30, 2013 at 9:38 pm|
That sounds scary. I might be a coward because I fear what is inevitable, the annihilation of my sense of self. When I experienced it nothing could have prepared me for that. I was tripping and suddenly realized it was the hardest I have ever tripped and then started losing “it”. It was like life was just a really dumb process that I was apart of and had been oblivious of this truth until that moment. It was like the deconstruction of a dream when you realize that you are waking up from it, or dying. A way I kind of can describe it was imagining life having a power cord, that is powering it making it seem real and mysterious. Then it was as if that cord was unplugged and the realness was deflating revealing its fakeness. But without that traumatizing event, I wouldn’t have ever known about trying to see myself through the eyes of others. I’ve been trying to be a better person, wanting to be a good guy.