|Anonymous||# Posted on October 27, 2013 at 3:08 pm|
@helenz, Maybe I’m square, but I don’t know the meaning of “rolled.” Would that be the same as tripping? Sounds like you’re experiencing the tri-part mind (id, ego, super ego) Most people are unaware of this compartmentalization. It can seem unsettling at first when one apprehends the realization that we have very complex minds and personalities.
Depersonalization disorder is thought to be largely caused by severe traumatic lifetime events including childhood abuse, accidents, war, torture, panic attacks and bad drug experiences. It is unclear whether genetics play a role; however, there are many neurochemical and hormonal changes in individuals suffering with depersonalization disorder.
Suffice to say, that these days, everyday is a day of trauma (to the conscientious and sensitive.) There seems to be violence everywhere, and this makes some people want to flee. Often they flee inside their thoughts and imaginations to obscure the horror of reality. Catatonia and dissociation are severe responses to the unintegrated pain.
You are very lucid in your writing and equally empathic. It doesn’t seem too serious (but how could I know.) A diagnosis is generally proffered if the “disorder” substantially interferes with normal life function. This is also unfortunately a value judgement. In my opinion, the daily hectic neurotic lifestyle leaves little time to properly grieve. This causes a perpetual state of cognitive dissonance; that is holding two or more emotionally conflicting thoughts simultaneously. This dualism in my opinion can exacerbate mental illness. That is, a person can have a perfectly healthy brain, and suffer illness as a consequence of being so educable and attentive.
This impressionability, and retentive mindset is one reason you must guard your psyche like invaluable possessions, because it is invaluable, and could well be indelible. You are experiencing your higher self observing partial selves (again compartmentalization.) With these partial selves can come rogue intrusive renegade thoughts (mother, father, brother, sister, professors, lovers.) We really aren’t any of them, however our proximity and perhaps unlimited capacity absorbs them.
I have found great value in this book:
She maps out the structure of personality in a remarkably astute prose.
best wishes- K