|JonH||# Posted on October 27, 2013 at 3:56 pm|
@helenz, I have had depersonalization for a long while now, it started around 16 or 17 (I’m nearly 24) and was daily for a year and a half after starting.
The major reason it came on, which I learned much, much later was lack of or bad quality of sleep. I had been smoking a lot of cannabis, and that was changing how I was thinking, I started to get very analytical, and then suddenly the analyses turned on myself. Every day it was like watching myself from a projector screen. I always felt like everything I said and did was completely forced. My voice would crack, I was so self-conscious, and it was self-perpetuating. The stress of “something is wrong” kept me up at night, and lack of sleep kept on the symptoms.
I still have it every once in a while, and usually I can associate it with bad sleep. However, tripping at all brings it back and I’m forced into at least 30 minutes of hard depersonalization, which eventually evens out and I can gain some kind of ‘normalcy’.
Its incredibly confronting, but the experience is invaluable. You lose so much bias towards yourself and the world around you. The filter of “I’m special” is removed and you see yourself as what you are – a human. An animal. A being. A body with a mind.
But its tough. There is nothing like that first “What is going on?” feeling. That sense of insanity, of distance, of separation from everything.