|K||# Posted on June 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm|
Your second draft was much better than the first but you still used ‘our’ which is not allowed and you missed a few comas but that can be fixed by reading it aloud and adding them in where you pause. Also never say that you will ‘try’ to show something, writing has to be confident and believe in itself otherwise your reader won’t believe it either. The active voice is really the best way to go, and it will help you stay in one tense too. The other thing I would say is that you have a definition, background and a road map but no thesis, you aren’t really making an argument or statement, for example you could say that your paper will prove which one is better or how it is essential for modern linguistics or something to that effect. It needs to have a direction not just information gathered together on a page.