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Ayat # Posted on October 28, 2013 at 10:48 pm

I am a sensitive person and would (if i had to) describe my current state of existence as Hyperreality. i feel that as a human questioning my identity/ values i have come across moments where i see insensitivity in people as a disabling trait to acquire, and therefore see these ‘insensitive’ people as being lesser and incapable of understanding compassion or the desire for empathetic interaction.
this was the way i thought throughout a majority of middleschool and highschool as i jumped from a nuturing environment full of friends and little misgivings in elementary school, to a hostile environment where people made ‘factions’ of themselves as if to protect them from something. some unknown assailant.
anyway i saw how horribly people treated each other and begun to understand the roots of apathy in a micro-cosmic way. as a result i vowed to never stoop to their level because the only purpose it served was to inflict doubt and pain in people’s lives. for most of my school ‘career’ i was introverted and avoided notice by others, much preferring to be an observer to the shrapnel of daily life. eventually my fascination with people grew and i began to invest myself in the lives of others with the focus of strengthening them to the hurtfulness inflicted by people who simply didnt understand what it is to be loved.
i then saw myself as a catalyst to an effect. each interaction i had with people felt like tectonic plates shifting. building up pressure in places. contributing to some small change in someone.
i became someone who could easily traverse a multitude of personalities and peer through the ‘image’ they made for themselves in their factions. though i would not associate myself freely with people that i saw as ‘primitive’ and subject to repetitive flaws in their poor version of humanity. those who openly spat in the face of compassion i abandoned to suffer in their own private purgatory.
though i always secretly hoped that they would one day stop hurting themselves so much over so little.
it was in grade 11 that i became active in pursuing my goal of becoming a real human being. cause all around me all i saw were aliens without understanding passion. they would filter through their jobs and schools throughout the week before partying on weekends. it was repetition and pure numbness. there was no questioning. i would go to houseparty’s not to drink or smoke pot, but to see these people and the way they lived their lives in highschool/college. it was in these moments that i understood that all of them suffered from dissatisfaction. these were just people reacting to the society they lived in. and it is a society of grandeur illusion woven through distraction; ruled by the greed of the few and the apathy of the many.
it is in this that i am humbled around people of any experiences. because they are experiencing something i can never understand. i mean the fact that i grew up passionate yet never revealed my true nature beneath the guise of a blank face and unassuming gaze should suggest the possibility of others living this mirage as an image of how others perceive them rather than how they perceive themselves. if this is true then it can be further suggested that there are many beautiful people in your life that are just really good at hiding. i encourage your questioning of ‘superiority’ if such a thing truly exists, for we are all in the same desert. and the silence is just as intriguing.

with support on your discoveries – An aspiring human being.