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Anonymous # Posted on October 28, 2013 at 2:09 pm

@tangledupinplaid21, We bore at either end of the emotional spectrum, and we tire from the respective ascents and descents. I’m asking you, Ellie, if there’s anything wrong with that? So you’re not inspired as you’ve been before. So your mind has cluttered with uncategorized knowledge. So you’re more apathetic towards life. SO WHAT! Are you going to tell me that that all is not to be expected? Life is an uphill adventure. It is inevitable that you will doubt, and equally likely that you will, at times, loathe what progress you know you could and should be making. It happens to me all the fucking time. What I think would do you well is to attempt to diversify your routine. Go to be at a different time. Wake up at a different time. Read a new book. Listen to an obscure band. Research. DO ANYTHING. (I’m aware that you may already be doing many of these things.) The key, I think, is to stay active; be a relaxed creative. There is no winning in life, and no way to fall behind if the finish line is puposely obtainable. You’re probably not giving yourself as much credit as you deserve (and yes, you deserve credit). You’re a phenomenal artist, you’ve a beautiful mind, and a really wonderful way with your sharing of insights. I fucking love coming on here and reading what you have to say. The shit has made my day before, and I’m not kidding. I don’t know if these (true) compliments are what you need, though. I don’t think you need anything, truth be told. You’re wonderful as is, and probably being too hard on yourself. You don’t need to live grand to live well.

“Beginnings & Ends”

For whatever reason, I see only beginnings and ends. The middle of anything is foreign to me, save for my sandwiches, which I tend to construct myself. But in all seriousness, I don’t mesh with the middle. And I think that that’s because I’m lazy. (Yes, I have the balls to admit my own laziness.) I sit and think a lot, and I actually come up with some pretty novel ideas from time to time. I’d really love to make manifest most of these thoughts, but I have so much trouble doing so. And again, I blame laziness. But that is itself an excuse. And I recognize that. But what is there to do about it? I’ve been taught several lessons. I’ve been handed loads of advice I didn’t even ask for. It all continues to sit next to me like the books I’ve never opened. All of that shit worked for others, evidently. I don’t know what works for me, really. I’m not sure that I need to know. But a part of me kind of wants to know. But then again, what would the fun be in knowing what you need to do? That kind of information would take your mind off of the hardships of reality, and that’d be pretty cool I guess; it would be relieving, at least. But if life was about relief, I’d probably kill myself. I mean, wouldn’t that be the logical thing to do? But life itself has little to do with logic. Because it didn’t make any sense that you or I were born. I mean, the chance was pretty small that you were you. And I was I. And yet here we are. Pretty outstanding phenomenon it is.

I still don’t know what the middle consists of. Beginnings are easy. Beginnings are the thoughts you have and the feelings you express. Those happen naturally. You don’t have to ask to begin. And endings work similarly. You don’t ask to end as a person (sometimes you do). You don’t ask to end a job (sometimes you do). Most of the time, conclusions occur spontaneously. So you don’t really need to worry about them. They’ll happen when you’re not looking. So fear not. Your time will come before you even need to worry about being ready for it.

So what is the fucking middle—the grind that people talk about. What the fuck is it? It’s not a thought. It’s not a feeling. It’s not an ending. It’s in between. I don’t know if it’s recognizable. (I’m certainly having a difficult time recognizing what it is, if you can’t tell by now.) The most important question we can consider is whether or not the middle matters, because it stands as the only barrier from our finish. It’s the active ingredient in our life. We’re the recipe. (I don’t really know what that means, it just sounded nice.) I think that the majority of our lives are this middle. Until we gain consciousness, we are said to be starting. And until we lose consciousness, we have yet to finish. We don’t even have to acknowledge the middle. We are the fucking middle. Whatever we do is the middle. BUT WHAT IS IT FOR? I don’t know and I probably never will. I’m not sure that I have to know, though. I’m sure that I’m unsure that I have to know anything.