Reply To: The Effects of Losing a Parent. Suggestions?

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Anonymous # Posted on August 11, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Don’t avoid grieving. When you feel it come, don’t deny it – don’t try to get your mind off it. Sit and stew in it, really. There is a time for this, and it is necessary. People of old used to call it “brooding” time – they would actually take time out of there day every day or nearly every day in which they would reflect on things that made them sad, after a while it would feel relief, and they would be able to do what they had to do.

There is a way to do this without becoming a hermit and secluding yourself though – you need to internalize this, and not externalize it. Do not create negativity outside of the situation. Your father has passed, and that is one experience beyond me that I cannot fully comprehend, but do not externalize it – that is, do not place the negativity of his leaving on the outside world, or your experiences. Do not let it cloud your vision, in a way.

This, I hope, makes sense – realize that the issue of your father passing is a personal one, and experience that loss, which is healthy. Just don’t portray it on your worldly doings.

I guess an example may help.

“My father has passed.” Be sad about it. Go on a walk and remember, and grieve, and so on. But do not come to a tree and cloud the tree’s beauty with your sadness. See the tree in its strength and splendor and natural beauty. Do not waste time seeing the tree and then “Oh I Cannot enjoy this tree, for my father has passed.” that is externalizing it! A whole new predicament arises, yes yes!