@kello, I relate to this a lot!
“Krishna says that passions are mistakes, you shouldn’t even try to dance with it as I thought you should, but just to control it, which means to get rid of it. Passion and madness are just wrong, apparently.”
I’m sorry but NO. It doesn’t have to be so extreme, either die at 27 from alcohol poisoning or get rid of your passions. I think you have found a fine middle ground. Everything in moderation though.