Everything happens for a reason. I’ve always believed that & always will. 12-23-08 was the date my cousin, Sam Fox passed away in a car wreck. She was young and it came as a shock to all. This was my first experience with death at the budding age of 12. The next year, on Christmas day, I lost another loved one. 12-25-09 was the date of my uncle’s passing…I was 13. He was also my godfather and I believe to be my guardian angel. Ben was murdered. After Christmas 09, I became a different person. One minute I was me.. and the next I wasn’t. I realize this feeling occurs in most teens, but it usually isn’t an exact moment to remember. It’s the weirdest feeling and took me years to process. My childish imagination drifted away from me and my sparkly “life is full of possibilities” attitude was lost. As the 8th and 7th year anniversaries of their deaths approach, my mind can’t help but be consumed with them. My heart holds a combination of achy and magical loving feeling. I have struggled with depression for about 8 years now, struggled to try and understand death at a young age, and coped with these feelings in the best way possible knowing nothing can make this better. nothing could make this ok. It’s all about acceptance. And believing that my loved ones who have passed are at peace. happy. healthy. They are finally set FREE. Even though these experiences changed me and matured me and maybe even hardened me a little bit…I trust that there is a reason. This was the end of Sam’s journey on the physical Earth and the end of Ben’s journey on the physical Earth. And their deaths and the impact it had on me, have all been a part of my journey. It sucks to grow up at a young age. To have your childhood cut short. But this has truly played a huge part in who I am today and I feel at peace with believing and understanding that I am exactly where I am meant to be at this time in my life right now.
My only hope is that Sam & Ben both know how much I think of them. How much I cherish our memories together. How much I wish they were here to meet my Kayleigh Bug. And how much I can’t wait to see them again one day. I hope you hear me when I talk to you. I hope you watch me and help guide me through this life…because I trust you so much. I love you. I will be thinking of you today, tomorrow, and the next day & everyday for the rest of my life. Especially during these holiday seasons. Rest In Peace… <3 Samantha Fox & Benny Moynan.