2016, the year of Zero Fucking Logic

Moonch4n (@Moonch4n) 4 years, 11 months ago

I’ve had a really shitty year, and an undeniably large part of it is due to the fact that I’m gay. A minority.

I’m utterly disappointed in how horrible humans are towards one another — of course this isn’t JUST an LGBTQ issue — it’s something every minority will have experienced, directly or indirectly, in their lives. But I feel it more and more and it hurts, my gosh it hurts, to know that I am seen as “an abomination”, “disgusting”, “unnatural”, and a million other hurtful things simply because I love someone who happens to be the same gender as I am. 

This mindset has been incited and encouraged by Trump and people like him; and you’re bullshitting yourself if you think that violent attacks on minorities EVERYWHERE (not just in the US) haven’t increased significantly since his (as yet un-fucking-believable) election. 

And probably the MOST painful is the fact that people who say these things, are the ones closest to me: family, friends, my students, some of my teachers. People who make “harmless” comments out of ignorance or what the f else… And I used to be brave enough to be like, “Hey, you shouldn’t say those things –” and gently explain to them why what they said could hurt someone. And then *I* would come out and they would apologise and (hopefully) realise that “regular” people are LGBTQ as well; that a person’s sexuality is but a small part of them, like what fruit they like or how they spend their weekends. 

But gradually that has become harder to do: now I just lose my patience and my heart quietly breaks a little whenever a student shouts “キモイ” (“that’s disgusting”) at an LGBTQ remark or another student who hints at being a minority themself. Or insult kids who happen to have a parent of another race.

And my heart breaks when someone I’d seen as a strong role model isn’t ALLOWED(?!?!) to come out to his students, even though he had the great courage it takes to broach the subject with his teachers. It breaks me.

Sure, we’ve made some progress historically; we can even get married in some countries; but even in my native South Africa — the fifth country worldwide to legalise same-sex marriage in 2006 — popular opinion is still AGAINST same-sex unions. “Rape culture” is still going strong. “Corrective rape” is something even 12-year-olds can talk about knowledgeably, because it’s in the media almost every day. Some members of my own family are simply “tolerant” instead of proud of me. “Unconditional love” my arse. Or, I dunno, maybe they’ve already disowned me; whatever. Goodbye to toxic relationships. 

And yes, I should be “grateful” that I can “hide” my sexuality to escape provocation and bullying and harassment — my friends of colour, when faced by a racist police officer’s gun, cannot claim they are actually white, the way *I* can lie and say I’m straight to escape victimisation. I can lie to escape having to explain, for the 1000th time, that no, I’m not the “male” in the relationship; that actually homosexual behaviour has been observed in hundreds of animal and plant species; that no, I don’t want kids, and it has nothing to do with my sexuality; that no, I don’t want to BE a man; that no, I don’t have AIDS… I can lie to avoid that awkward blinking whenever I say the word “lesbian” or “girlfriend”. I can lie so that people won’t avoid me altogether. 

But lying hurts.

It hurts just as much as being called “mentally unstable”, “psychologically diseased”, “disgusting”, “unnatural”, and “a disappointment” does. It hurts just as much as being yelled at, “Burn in hell, faggot!” 

Please don’t judge me for whom I love.

Judge me by my actions, judge me by my words, judge me if I ever stand by and allow injustices to happen right in front of my eyes. Judge me if I ignore the pleas of the suffering. Judge me, if you want to, for posting dozens of times daily about rape culture, about male privilege, about white privilege, about racism, about ableism, about religious intolerance… But don’t judge me because I love.

The further one is, hierarchically, from a white, cis-gender, straight, male, the more likely one is to be discriminated against. Let’s see… how many jokes can we make at the expense of a white, cis-gender, straight, male? Hmmm… can’t think of any… in the meantime, how many can you name that insult/discriminate against: women, LGBTQ individuals, people of colour, people of religions (especially every religion outside of Christianity), people of other major ethnic groups (such as Asian people, people of Latin descent, African people), etc.? Are you seeing my point? Still cannot think of a single joke that makes fun of white, cis-gender, straight, males? Oh! I guess it’s because they can get away with just about anything! Just by existing! 

Let’s look at an opposite, but no less obvious, example. How brainwashed society is into forgiving, encouraging and even worshiping the white, cis-gender, straight male: BatMAN, SuperMAN, SpiderMAN, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, most popular detective series, most early 90s ~ 2000s drama/romcom/whatever-the-fuck-else series’ lead characters, jesus, buddha, Dalai Lama, The Pope, most heroes in most historic tales/ comic books/ etc. up until only very very recently, when some people caught on, and created heroes for other people to look up to. I cannot think of a single lesbian heroine or role-model in my childhood. How long did we have to wait for Disney to have a black princess? (Have there even been any since?) And was it really the first-ever LGBTQ couple in a Disney movie EVER, when two women pushing a baby stroller for a full five SECONDS of screen time happened in Finding Dory? Did the fact that the voice actress for the main character was a lesbian, have anything to do with that? 

Here’s something else to think about: how many violent dictators are female? How many rapes are committed by woman, against men? How many wars were started by females? How many violent crimes, grand theft auto or domestic violence cases are committed by females? Female pedophiles? They “make up such a small percentage that little is known about them as a group” (Bader, Shannon M.; Welsh, Robert; Scalora, Mario J. (2010). “Recidivism Among Female Child Molesters”. Violence and Victims25 (3): 349–62. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.25.3.349PMID 20565006 ) 

Yes, according even to nature, women are supposed to suffer. Ask a young, virgin male what his thoughts are on his first time — he’ll probably say he’s excited, looking forward to it, can’t wait… maybe a little nervous because of “performance anxiety”. Ask a girl the same question? She’d probably answer that she’s scared, afraid of the pain, afraid of getting pregnant by doing something wrong, afraid of being labelled a slut. Told to “lie back and think of England”.

Girls are told from a very young age that their first time is going to hurt. That sex doesn’t really feel that good the first dozen or so times. That it’s going to bleed (a fucked-up lie that has been perpetuated historically; when in fact it only bleeds when the man is too anxious and rough and doesn’t use enough lubrication, patience and respect for the woman. No, it’s NOT supposed to bleed.)

What about pregnancy? Men LITERALLY just have “a good time”; woman have to be sick and compromised for nine months, then (if they choose to give birth naturally) endure the worst kind of physical pain, then (if they choose to do so) breastfeed for months. Do men also have to deprive themselves of alcohol, coffee and other nice things while their wives have to breastfeed? Do they get physically ill, emotionally wrecked, painful breasts… and YELLED AT for feeding their babies in public? Do they get post-partum depression? Didn’t think so. Won’t even get started on menstruation, because I could write a fucking novel.

Of course I’m not saying to all white, cis-gender, straight males that I hate them and want them to go kill themselves. But I *am* asking that they check their privilege. Realise you were BORN in first place. This obviously doesn’t mean you will sail through life without hardship. No one does. BUT! It DOES mean that you will never face hardship BECAUSE you are white. You will never be called disgusting, unnatural, an abomination BECAUSE you are cis-gender and straight. You will never have to walk home alone clutching your car-keys between your fist, out of fear of being raped by a person bigger and stronger than you; and be told it was YOUR fault for what you wore/your level of sobriety/ your non-consent, BECAUSE you are male. You will never have your gender used as an insult, or to indicate that you are weaker than a different gender. “Don’t be such a boy!” “You throw/kick/run like a boy!” Sound at all insulting? How about, “Don’t be such a girl!” “You throw/kick/run like a girl!” Would hearing that said to you, make you feel a little bit emasculated? 

I realise this is just me ranting, on public media, about issues that are ranted about daily. This won’t change anything. It will probably anger a lot of people, and I will lose even more “friends”. But I have to point out this injustice. I don’t want to exist in a world where something as arbitrary and unchangeable and NOT ONE’S CHOICE (skin colour, gender, place of birth, etc.) can determine one’s starting point. I don’t want to exist when people stand by, and watch it happen, and just succumb to the status quo like fucking cowards. 

Isn’t society supposed to become MORE civil with time? MORE tolerant, MORE mature, MORE loving? Why are there so many people who just stand by and watch as horrible things happen? Why does it feel like everything is regressing so suddenly? Why is Germany banning burkas, but not Catholic nun uniforms? Why does almost everything Trump says, eerily resemble Hitler’s words? Why was an LGBTQ club bombed in 2016?? What is funny about someone born with special needs? What is funny about forcing fireworks into a dog’s mouth? Aren’t we taught, from a very young age, in every story we hear, read and see, that love is better than hate? That things like tolerance, kindness, generosity, acceptance of the “other” are GOOD traits to have? That working WITH your enemies, makes them your friends? So why then, in this supposedly “modern”, “civil” society, are evil, hatred, intolerance, jokes at the expense of the “other”, praised and encouraged behaviour? What a sick reality.

December 19, 2016 at 9:00 pm
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