27 and sinking in loneliness

 ross (@theboss7607)5 years, 6 months ago

I am 27 year old dude. I have always moved around my whole life and have never had long lasting friendships or relationships. I’ve always felt alone. I’ve always described my loneliness as not the amount of people around but the amount of people that understand or care to understand you in the same ways I do to them.  

My longest relationship has been 6 months misty because I’ve never found a woman that I really relate with. I would never kill my self but I can certainly understand how a lifetime of feel this way could push one in that direction. 

I have done a lot of self exploration in my alone time and understand my self better than the majority of non-HEthens. I regularly meditate and have overwhelming instances of beauty that can move me to tears. I love nature and try to see the beauty in everything. But still at the end of the day I have this humongus hole in my heart that nothing will feel. 

How can I create something in my life that fills this?

Is it possible to have a relationship with the universe that makes it so I don’t feel alone. 

I just done understand why people don’t want to know who I am on a deep level. I am normal not broke or crazy. I just feel very lonely. 

March 24, 2016 at 4:11 pm
Anjelica (101) (@Anjelica) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

“I am normal not broke or crazy”

Awe, haha. I’m sure you are capable of connection. The problem is most people aren’t. I’ve had some of  the best relationships with what looks like broke crazy people. Once you get into the terrority of being fully your self, you’re on the outskirts in a lot of ways but it also creates the most raw intimacy and shared creativity.
Have you been fully your self to the point of admitting you don’t want to identify with the majority of people? Why would you want to have relationships with people who don’t relate to your type of consciousness? There is nothing wrong with you for feeling unfulfilled by the majority’s morals. You can’t find people polarized to you until you accept the lonesomeness of being your own polarized self. I would rather be alone than pretend to be something I’m not. You’re not alone with your spirit. Believe in good things coming to you. Thanks for sharing. 

Anjelica (101) (@Anjelica) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

Also, deep connections are not stable things unless you’re willing to experience the full spectrum of emotion. Everyone has attachment issues, mommy and daddy issues, lots of things that if they can’t be vulnerable with them and keep confronting then they will alienate you. That’s why everyone is alienated in the first place. It’s not your fault or defect. 

ross (76) (@theboss7607) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to respond. HE ads were making the site completely unfunctional. Unfortunately i had to use adblock. I am really moved by the depth of your post. It was everything i needed to kind of hear. I have definitely hit that point where I understand I dont want to identify the majority of people which was a large source of discomfort knowing that there are so few people i could identify with but i suppose once I find one person that i identify with they would have the value you of like 10 average connections. Your insight on deep connections was super potent for me. Living in that state of vulnerability that i want to be in but i need to learn to not let it crush me. thank you so much for taking the time to respond it helped me more than you know and i apologize again for such late responses. 

Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

I feel ya, mate. But you know what?

It’s nothing to fear. It’s just consciousness, the pain of salvation. We can try all we want to fill that hungry vortex with something, but it will vanish into the it moments later. Sucked into the void. The nothing zone.

The nothing zone is not bad, we just fear it because we’re not used to it. Embrace it, and with time things will fall into place. Youth is a crazy time, but it will all make sense one way or another with age.

You don’t need to do anything about your situation, nor do you need to do nothing. Let your frustration out. Get mad, break something. Scream at the top of your lungs. Cry, laugh, whatever. Meditate, make some music, watch a movie. Make some love. Or fight someone.

I laugh a lot at this feeling, and it helps. It’s actually pretty funny :)

ross (76) (@theboss7607) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

I love this. I must say i have been screaming lately and it has been wonderful. HA. Reflecting on all this really does keep pointing back to what you are saying. EMBRACE IT. I am trying really hard to find creative outlets to express myself. Hollow inside, but dreaming that is so beautiful. Thank you for your kind words. 

Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

Creative outlets are often the only things that really help me. I dabble with a lot of different stuff but what works the best for me is electronic music. Drawing is nice too, and writing fiction. Just try a bunch of different stuff.

“Hollow inside, but dreaming” is a quote from one of my old favourite songs. I don’t remember exactly what song but it’s some philosophical metal stuff.

Alex Furley (1) (@AlexFurley) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

I so know that feeling of just wanting to scream sometimes! I dream of a day where there are ‘scream booths’ planted all around cities. A capsule of space people could use with stigma or judgement, to just go in a make whatever noises they want. It’s such an amazing way to unwind stress and let go. As good as intense exercise. Imagine that!

<div>I remember one time driving back from a gathering I had stayed the night at. I too felt that enormous sense of loneliness that day. I was so confused with the world and felt like such a misfit in society that I just LET GO in my car on the motorway. I recall vividly just being taken over by a primal instinct.. something caveman like.. all the veins in my head came to the surface as I just made as much noise as I could for about 60 seconds. Will never forget it. I think that’s about the only time I’ve ever been truly ‘human’ ;)</div>

Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

Scream booths?

What good does it really do for your deep frustration to scream at nothing? It’s like giving cough suppressants to a chain smoker. The problem with society these days is everything is just a substitute.

Scream when nobody hears, punch your pillow, smoke a bowl, shoot a load in the trash can, repeat mantras.

It’s fake, it doesn’t work! You’re frustrated on a deep level. Your body and soul deprived of their nature. Don’t suppress it. If you feel you need to scream, SCREAM! Doesn’t matter who’s listening. Stop suppressing your agony and being a fake. Be real! Let it out.

Until people start expressing their needs, concerns and true frustrations, the systemic error of society can never be solved. It will remain anti-human for as long as we feed that problem.

Joe (1) (@joelucero) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

I have felt the same way for years and I am 44 years old.  In my experience, I have currently been reframing this feeling to be viewed as space to try new things, meet new people and explore new vistas.  It does not mean that I don’t feel lonely it just means that I am attempting to surrender and find value in the feelings that I have.  

I wish you the best and know that you are not alone in your feeling, situation or this world.  



ross (76) (@theboss7607) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

I went to a Beginners Ballroom dancing class specifically because of your comment. I am trying to fully embrace the space of trying new things. Im seeing i am largely to blame for my loneliness its not a death sentence its a call of opportunity. Thanks for helping me come to that conclusion.

Ellie (1,363)M (@tangledupinplaid21) 5 years, 6 months ago ago

This is a really relatable post. I think that this is something that everyone feels on varying levels, but some are more intensely aware of it than others. It certainly can feel unbearable, dark, and heavy at times. I wish I had good advice for you but I seek these answers myself at times.

The things that help me most are always finding new things to do or think about, relating to others, and attempting to improve myself each day. It also helps to just accept the feeling as it comes and to see that there’s not necessarily anything “wrong” with it. Most of the pain I feel in relation to that emptiness is the result of resisting it or thinking it’s wrong. What if it’s not wrong?

PS, didn’t we used to trade drawings back and forth a while back?! :)

ross (76) (@theboss7607) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

AHH Ellie! Yes we did trade drawings. I really enjoyed that. I am trying to get back on here more often I just kind of gotten lost over the years with all the changes. 

I really like your idea that the pain comes from thinking its wrong. That is such a beautiful distinction and soo true. Ive learned that idea in meditation but it escaped me to apply it here. I think just saying helps to embrace the discomfort. 

I feel terrible about my late responses(technical difficulties) but all of the comments here helped me so much thank you. You gave great advice :) 

FreeThinker (0) (@Genti) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

My advice would be religion and God. If you have that then you’ll never feel lonely again because you know the creator is with you. Then again this is a very unpopular opinion nowadays and you certainly don’t have to follow it but am just trying to help. 

Lorenaleite (1) (@Lorenaleite) 5 years, 5 months ago ago

You are not sinking, you are drifting, and the odds of a lost boat to find rescue are increased when it’s still as far as the eye can see.

We often look for people to fill space in us, when it’s a wrong movement to make, and a very dangerous one. When you put the power of control some part of you into a hand of someone else, you just put the weight of the world in someone back’s, and they someday will let it fall, because it’s just too much for anyone. 

In fact, the better way to have any kind of relationship with anyone is when they build places into you, that will make you better, or not, but it will brought something to add somehow. That relationships that mark you, and make part of your life, in a health way. That make moments, laughs, cries, dances, feelings.

People do help become who you are, but it’s our job to choose what definitely stays.

You are drifting, you are not lost. You will be found. Make you be found. Don’t wait for people just show up like magic. Be what you want for the others. And soon you may find other boats drifting, boats that will mark you. Open up for the odds.

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