A Girl Named B.

 Samuel Kreps (@kreps)7 years, 4 months ago

So! Let’s see…it is 4:13 in the morning, I’m listening to Strangers by The Kinks on Spotify, I’m quite intoxicated and have just enjoyed a post drunken shower one hitter of some delicious green my neighbor has been so kind to provide me. On the front, no less. But that is not the point of why I am writing tonight. The point is Bentley. Man, Bentley. It’s kind of crazy that I am rambling about her, typing it out like this. I mean, I’ve known her since Quiznos, so that means…what…a year…maybe more. That is before my ultimate demise from such a horrid place and horrid management. But tonight…wow. For the longest time, I used to give to give myself such shit for how little I cared about getting laid in college. I seriously didn’t give a shit. I had gotten laid in highschool twice from the same girl, didn’t care about her, no connection, and both times I enjoyed the fact that I was having sex but at the same time…what’s the point if it isn’t with someone you care about? Now, many of you might be thinking, “Oh nice, my boy Sam got it that night, for sure! That’s why he is going on about this caring about people you sleep with rigamaoral…” Well…no. I didn’t have sex tonight. But that is the very thing that makes me feel so good as I sit here and write this. For the longest time, I was so concentrated on the physical act of sex. I was pressured to it in Highschool and then that pressure went on steroids in college. Sure, I may have acted like sex was some taboo subject that meant so little to me, but the fact of the matter is, I’ve always felt that sex should be shared between two people who share a connection, an attraction that transcends physical, and so on and so forth. The point is, I filled some of my room mates and friends in on the whole situation and the end goal suddenly became getting laid. They went from “friends” to “wingmen”. There was lending of condoms, casual friendly jokes about sex, and even the nudge throughout the night to become more engaged. At first this was encouraging, helpful, and supportive. I can’t ever expect them to have any idea of what I’m thinking, therefore I thought it was excellent. Friends helping friends through a common interest. Women. And for a while, that was it! I layed in bed for near two hours just trying to respond to her texts, being constantly reassured that whatever she said “sounded like sex”. So I went out! It was time for a change. It has been years (4 to be exact) that I had been with a woman. I would say 50% I’m looking for the right woman 50% I am scared shitless by the idea of sharing my entirety with somoeone. But then, one by one, they dipped out. Some didn’t even make it out the door! So then, at the bulk of the night, there it was. Me, Bentley, her 4 friends and the one compadre I had left, Mr. Alex Doherty. But the most important part of the whole story is this. When I was out there, with all of those people, and being there with Bentley…I began to realize certain things. Things like”…wow, I love her hair”. Or, “When I’m drunk I just dance to what I love” or the fact that minute by minute I was realizing this was a pretty awesome person, and I just might like her. I began to realize that I knew this the whole time. I have had many girls show an interest in me throughout my college years, and I did nothing, knowingly and willingly. And here comes along this girl, that if it were any other girl I would bail on the plans and just drink with my room mates. But no. I go out! Which is already huge. I go out to a bar. (I hate bars, they are loud and obnoxious and most of the time stupid yet on that rare occasion can be just as radiant and full of energy and memories.) And I meet this girl and we drink, and we laugh, and suddenly I start realizing why I came out for her. As the night goes on we stop by a couple bars or so, then to food, and then the next thing you know, it’s just me and her. We thought Alex and her friend headed straight to her apartment, but it seems Doherty (being a damn good wingman) had head home to allow us some privacy. So here I am, drunkenly stumbling down the street with a girl I’ve just realized I might want to pursue for the first time since Hana. We get to her door. We go inside. She is chewing a pizza in the cutest way I’ve seen in a long time, smiling as she pulls the big string of cheese to her mouth. And I say “Hey Bentley, I think I am going to head home. I’ve had such a great time to tonight and…I would love to take you out again for coffee or dinner or something…” ”

bentley

“Oh yeah!”

SAM KREPS

“Like on a date…” She smiled. Even though she was younger than me she was years older in the experience of romance.

bentley

“I’d like that”

SAM KREPS

I kissed her on the cheek, we gave a few more back and forths. Then, I left. I was the most bi polar man on the planet from that point on. I went from hating myself for not doing something more suave, for not doing something more memorable, for not making a damn move!…and then I realized that I just asked a girl out on a date. I said I had a great time and I would love to see you again. I haven’t done this in…FOREVER! I always hide away in that friend zone so I don’t get smashed in the heart department, which I have been. But here I am, standing in front of this great girl, a 22 year old man, and instead of going for the move, I just want to see her again and maybe order some pizza and watch a movie…like The Truman Show. Like I said, I was flip flopping on whether or not this was a phenomenal idea or not. But by the end of the night, I find myself going over it again and again…and I can’t find a problem with it. I don’t know if this is just about me growing up and starting to realize ideas that I can truly stand behind or me just ecnountering my first ever chance at something since highschool, but suddenly all those years of avoiding the random hook up has suddenly produced something tangible, rememberable, the kind of thing you are sure to wake up thinking about tomorrow. Sure, there are things left out. There are parts of the story you don’t know, and those are my parts. Those are the things that make it complicated. Those are the things that make it mine….

SAM KREPS

We texted afterwards. We talked about the Truman Show and pancakes.

January 28, 2014 at 3:02 am
krkrich (148) (@krkrich) 7 years, 4 months ago ago

Great read man. I enjoyed it a lot. It sounds like you were just being yourself, which is great. We let so many outside things control us & pressure us to do things & make certain choices. That whole “suave” thing that we do is all an act. Its all a game. I think you made the right decision. Congrats man. Lol

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Anonymous (5) (@) 7 years, 4 months ago ago

my classmate’s aunt makes $61 /hour on the internet . She has been laid off for 9 months but last month her pay check was $12309 just working on the internet for a few hours. look at here now………
http://WWW.TEC30.COM

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Lifes A Ditch (10) (@Lifes-A-Ditch) 7 years, 4 months ago ago

also sounds to me like you made the right decision, best of luck buddy, and thank you for sharing!

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Brenden Seeger (2) (@bthemilkman) 7 years, 4 months ago ago

I’ve never replied to any of these discussions before, but this one really gave me some shivers. I’m currently a sophomore in college and felt like I related entirely to everything you just said (What’s even weirder is that everyone calls me B, but I’m a dude). I just thought I’d let you know that you’re not alone on your thoughts about sex. There’s no point unless you truly care about the one you’re with. Thanks for sharing your story man and congrats on finding this girl. I hope everything works out for you!

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Jared Edwards (128) (@jaredwards) 7 years, 4 months ago ago

Last name ‘Strange’?

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