A Lifetime of MDMA

Sorry if the title is a bit misleading. But I’ve been doing molly and ecstasy for about 6 years now. I’d say I’ve done it about 45 times, but of those times, I consumed a lot. I would either pull an all nighter at a club or do it 3 days straight for a festival or something. Aka not good. And now I’ve got some serious issues. I’ve got horrible memory and retention, I’m socially and overall dumber, and I have really bad anxiety that was nonexistent in the past. I’ve done some research and these are all known symptoms of excessive MDMA usage. The issue is, once you realize, it’s too late. I understand there are other things that supplemented these symptoms, but all of the evidence shows that MDMA was the leading factor. I will never do MDMA again and am working hard to challenge my brain in hopes of recovery. I have some close friends (big MDMA users) who have admitted the same problems. 

How much MDMA have you done? What’s your story?

I really don’t know what to do with my life. Everything is a struggle for me. My motivation is fading. I’m not totally retarded but I feel quite dumb. I’m also at a point in my life (24) where I want to figure out what to do with my life, and I feel pretty limited by the new me. I know I want to help and connect with people. I hope if I keep working hard I’ll recover, discover my passion, and fulfill my life. 

If this helps just one person then it’s worth it. Know what you’re putting in your body before you’re in a regrettable position. My symptoms (potentially irreversible) appear to be quite common from what I’m reading. So if you enjoy your brain and well-being, think twice before becoming a regular MDMA user. 

Full disclosure, I had some of the wildest nights of my life on MDMA, but I would give them up for the old me.

September 22, 2015 at 7:17 am
Pyroclastic (9) (@Pyroclastic) 6 years ago ago

The symptoms will be irreversible if you believe that’s what they are. It is all about your mindset, always have a positive mindset, you will get through this if that is your choice.

Also, I haven’t had any experiences with MDMA, however in the future I can see myself doing it. Do you recommend it? If you know, how often do you think one can take without any negative side effects?

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Tone Tone (71) (@spreadthelove) 6 years ago ago

I have some friends who are seemingly unaffected by it, and others who cannot go back. It affects everyone differently, but since there haven’t been many (if any) long term studies on MDMA, I wanted to shed some light on some of the very real possibilities. To be honest, I don’t know if a few uses would cause any noticeable effects, but if I could go back I would have never done it even once. A lot of people claim to have very positive effects from it and it has impacted their lives in only positive ways. But my friend was a real genius in my opinion, taking one of the hardest majors at a good college and not having to put any effort in to make straight A’s, and now he feels he can’t think well at all and can’t do some of the basic stuff he’d been doing for years. The kid is 24 years old it’s not like his brain is deteriorating from old age. I’ve read research and tons of forum posts online that all say brains get destroyed and depression and anxiety ensues. 

I believe that the power of believing can be extremely powerful, but I struggle to believe in my full recovery in this case. Maybe some inspiration could help. 

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SoulPerfection (25) (@soulperfection) 6 years ago ago

The thing with MDMA, it really depends on multiple factors. Clean pure MDMA isn’t to harmful to the body in moderation. Staying up for 3 days, not eating or drinking, and frying brain pathways is.

I wont get into my story as it was multiple life times ago. All i will say is the damage you incur is slow and you dont really realize how much harm you’ve done until a few years after stopping. I really wreaked havoc on my body growing up in the rave seen. It wasn’t until years later after i gained an understanding of bodily systems that i realized i severely damaged my immune system, nervous system, endocrine system, and general cognitive function. Fortunately after a few years of respecting my body, doing various detoxes, and various other things to renew myself, i managed to return to normal function.

The one thing that I am still dealing with to this day 10 years later is the emotional suppression i unknowingly subjected myself to. Large chunks of my life where forgotten and the emotional experiences where buried deep in my subconscious and are surfacing to be rectified as i further engage myself in consciousness expansion (meditation).

I dont regret these experiences as i learnt alot, but i cant say i would do it again.

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Tone Tone (71) (@spreadthelove) 6 years ago ago

Thanks for the inspiring comment! I am working hard everyday to treat my body right: eat healthy, work out, run, and then challenge my brain. I do believe that I will get better and your story was refreshing to read. Care to elaborate on the emotional suppression? Seems quite interesting and potentially applicable. 

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SoulPerfection (25) (@soulperfection) 6 years ago ago

I really dont know how to explain it other than while blissing out for extended periods i seemed to create a big blur where i forgot about much of my experiences prior (Perhaps during) to the indulgence. But i guess this ties partly into the reason of use, which for me was blocking out reality as i could not find a place in this toxic society, that, and the fact my memory decided to go on leave :P

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Nilesh Kakwani (0) (@.DocX) 6 years ago ago

Brother,

I understand where you’re coming from, I have never taken vast amounts of mdma in my lifetime but I was at a place in my life where I had less motivation and anxiety due to some internal isues. 

However, fear not. The hard work you mentioned will take you a long way. My opinion/suggestion is to start smoking marijuana. 

Here’s my story;

I am from a country where marijuana is the most illegal thing in the world, so it is impossible to acquire. I visited some countries and smoked every now and then but those were just recreational highs. I then moved to another country where marijuana is more freely available. Initially, I smoked a little bit say on weekends or a bowl every wednesday night. Come spring break I smoked around 7-8 grams straight grav bongs, I was basically really high all the time and just lying down and eating for a good portion of the time. But that all changed when my mindset towards marijuana changed. I started looking at it as medicine and kept saying it to myself and my friends that its medicine. I reduced my consumption for a little bit but around a week later I started noticing a different when I smoked. I started noticing that I got more energetic, more willing, more passionate to do what I want. Be it random parkour stunts on the street, wearing the most random clothes in public, or just creating music. At this point, I was really unsure of where I want to go in life. I started off as an accounting and finance major, then swapped to economics (BS), then to a BA in economics. Patience was a virtue that I was far from understanding. But smoking and altering my mindset changed all of that. At first, I started with just some basic climbing, outdoor adventuring, trekking and parkour. These are more physical activities but they do require a lot of patience to do them. I gained much more patience, I started remembering more, I was more motivated to do what I’ve always wanted to do which is make music and art. I just never stuck with it because it requires me to sit down  and think and apply for a couple of hours at the least. But because I was smoking a lot, the way I looked at life completely changed. I even lost a lot of fat, gained muscle and could see my abs for the first time in my life (I was morbidly obese as a child 40% bf). I feel so much more positive energy around me and I have in general started to appreciate and love more.

This is just the short and boring version of my journey so far, but trust me things will change. I don’t know if you’re a regular smoker. If you are then maybe try to change your mindset towards marijuana (medicine isn’t always for sick people, it can always benefit the well too). If you aren’t, I would suggest start off with a little bit but never let it go off the hook. A lot of anything is a bad thing. 

I am very pro-marijuana and this is my biased opinion, but it is something out of experience.

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Zayn (17) (@Apollo777) 6 years ago ago

Dude one night on one pill for me sent me flying high on a roller coaster of eternal bliss, only to experience the “serotonin crash” the next morning. I’d say you definitely over did it. I would def lay off the stuff no matter what and replenish those levels of chemicals that you’ve lost in your brain. Bananas and chocolate should help.

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Meatpuppet (9) (@Meatballs) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

Oh shit Tone Tone, I’m the guy that commented on your other post called “do you know anyone like this”. I never realized you are in this situation, with the fried serotonin receptors all. I surely would have positioned my last reply differently, my bad. Firstly, it’s refreshing to see how open you are about the subject. Secondly, I hope your not serious about calling that Kushsales peckerhead. Thirdly, all is not lost my man, yeah your serotonin receptors might be damaged, but there is still a lot you can do, and don’t say that they are damaged forever, this is not entirely true, even though the geeks in lab coats would say so. Don’t listen to them. Take matters in to your own hands, the un-believable is possible. Doctors would love to write you up a prescription for SSRI’s, and it would sort of work I guess, but once you go down that road, well, it would be pretty GD tough to get off.  I would encourage you to (1) never do MDMA again, and (2) exhaust all other possibilities. There is so damn much you can do nowadays. The eating healthy and running is good. Kick-starting your endocrine system and getting all those feel-good brain juices flowing i.e. endorphins, epinephrine, serotonin, adrenaline, dopamine etc… With these in check your testosterone will spike too, which makes you feel amazing. Here are some rapid fire tips and tricks that I have learned over the years: There is something called Nootropics (google it), they can metaphorically light the brain on fire without cooking it. These compounds will re-build neural pathways. To date there is no proven negative long term side-effects, but I would advise against the abuse of these compounds. I have tried all of the main nootropics for an extended period, and admittedly abused them at times. I feel like the murmurs online about them resulting in a slight loss of neuroplasticity could be somewhat valid. With all of the use, I don’t think I’m any dumber. I think I am smarter from them, but I have had a couple foggy moments that scare me. Overall, they have been extremely beneficial for me, but tread with caution. Examples of people that use lots of nootropics are: Tim Ferriss, Dave Asprey, Joe Rogan, Aubrey Marcus. As you will see if you google these guys, and listen to them speak about their experience I am sure you will agree they are fine, doing even better than fine. In my opinion, the best as advertised ‘most balanced nootropic’ is unfortunately the most expensive, Alpha Brain, available at onnit.com. It contains ant-oxidants and plant compounds that seem to provide the best and healthiest feeling experience. The cheapest nootropic on the market is Noopept, pennies a dose, and it works like a damn. Others are worth a try, but I would start with these two. For me Phenibut is like the greatest thing while I am on it, but does not sit quite as well me the day after (powerful dopamine booster, I only use when I am doing something extreme, and I am cautious not to rely on it). Adrafinil is really intense, and I would even say mildly psychedelic. The cheapest source I found for these white powder based nootropics is: powdercity.com. They have loads more nootropic, energy, hormone compounds worth trying. I would say you are a bit young for all the hormone boosters they offer, as they of the steroid variety. You don’t want to fudge your bodies natural production, just get it back on track so that it bumps up production naturally. Everything I’ve tried from them is top quality. Before you do nootropics take fish oil, very important! 3,000 – 10,000mgs / day. To me, the fish oil omega 3 acts like a nootropic. Since your brain is mostly fat and water, and the fish oil is literally absorbed by your brain, with lots (3 litres / day) of water and fish oil, plus the nootropics, I would speculate that your admitted “dumb” feelings would vanish 100%. At least for the time that you are on the nootropics. Then when you are off, your brain will at least of built back some of it’s neuropathways so that you can enjoy the newfound connectivity. You combine all this with exercise and man, you should be well on your way. Just stay hydrated, and not with chlorinated, fluoridated, crap tap water. Drink spring water. Buy the big blue jugs. While I am on a rant, why not provide some more of my favourite bio-hacks, here goes: The classic Joe Rogan Kale shake. Get yourself a bullet, ninja or if your rich, a vitamix, and then first thing in the morning on an empty stomach, when it’s the last thing you want to consume, blend: Kale (no stalks), cucumber, celery, apple or pear (for sweetness and texture) and optionally – ginger and garlic. The fiber in this will be converted in to essential amino acids, further enhancing the endocrine system, and the effect of the nootropics. A side-benefit is the bounty of real absorbable nutrients, vitamins and minerals, the vascular effect of the ginger, and the anti-bacterial anti-fungal effect of the garlic. Plus cleaning out your gut. You do all this, and work out, you are 80% superman. You combine it with Wim Hof Ice baths and man, you will be king of your castle. You combine all this with martial arts, particularly Jiu Jitsu, and you will feel king of the world, no joke. Here is the iceman link: http://www.icemanwimhof.com/wim-hof-exercises – It can’t hurt to put good information in to your brain either, try downloading a podcast app on your smartphone, and then download some of the awesome free podcasts. For your enjoyment, here are some of my favourites: The Joe Rogan Experience (listen to the Wim Hof interview), The Duncan Trussell Family Hour, The higher side chats, Radiolab, The Tim Ferriss show, Aubrey Marcus show, Yoga Talk show (has great health information), and there is even a podcast on smart drugs called: Smart Drug Smarts. For real, this should be all you need to know. The only logical next step is to get motivated and do it. Nothing worthwhile comes free or easy, or without a cost i.e. MDMA. How bad do you want to thrive? I was at my wits end too, really. Worst situation ever, no way out. Now, my situation is pretty GD good. Even though it suck ass sometimes, thats just life. Everything I have mentioned here is everything that I owe my life to. Hopefully you can take something away from it. Respect.  

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Lexar (8) (@Lexar-Flash) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

Yeah big fan of nootropics, Noopept, l-theanine, Im in the biohacking movement

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Lexar (8) (@Lexar-Flash) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

Eating ice cream feels good, but not all the time, 
Each person has their vice, nobody is perfect, some video games, but nothing 10-15 hour, basically its not fun anymore.
You’re releasing massive amounts of serotonin, it takes time to recover. Its a powerful psychoactive drug, treat it with respect
Nobody is here to judge or lecture you, I think our culture pushes us to extremes, you are not the only one with problems, everyone struggles with it,  I recommend mindfulness techniques to develop new habits and behaviors, good luck

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Space Ninja (1) (@zachcollier) 5 years, 11 months ago ago

try incorporating a niacin (b3) supplement into your diet. up to 2000mg a day. start with 250mg, and work your way up. there are side effects at the beginning. do your research. it helps replace depleted serotonin, which is drained from the abuse of many kinds of drugs. it works wonders for me. its also a great natural anti-depressant, and very cheep. you can get it in the supplement isle at your local grocer. good luck, you CAN do it.

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Tone Tone (71) (@spreadthelove) 6 years ago ago

I’ll give ya a call…

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