For me, it happened one night after seeing something on TV related to war, where they showed images of ammunition being carried by the millions, and I thought that it was very probable that there were enough bullets in the world to have one for every single person. The problem with the human race being the “dominant species” is our survival instinct. Any creature that finds a way to improve its quality of life, and therefore can survive longer, will take this chance and exploit it to the fullest, even if this means taking more than what they need or taking something from another creature. These are the foundations of evolution, and human beings are the most evolved species on earth. Our survival instincts lead us to be on top, disregarding what it took to be there, and so, we created a system with a disgusting premise: my life is the only one that matters. This can easily be seen in every human aspect that is considered wicked: corruption, consumerism, war, crime, and any other that comes to mind. Once I realized this, and I was able to see the hole in which humanity was, I made myself a question: if there were a fantastic scenario where every single person in the world realized we’re the reason for the lack of balance in our planet, which will eventually lead to its end, and that the solution for this would be willingly ending their own lives, therefore wiping the human race off the face of the earth, would I be able to do it? Would I be able to kill myself to restore balance? Would that be fair, after all the damage we’ve already made? The truth is I didn’t take me too long to answer, and I wasn’t very surprised with myself. It was the first time the idea of suicide was alive in my mind: would it hurt? What was there after? Would that be enough? Even facing the fact that the thoughts of my possible futures would never come true couldn’t change my mind. My answer wasn’t going to change. Death. But I was conscious this would be useless on my own, and that the “utopic” (utopic in this context) idea of every person willingly killing themselves was ridiculous. Still, at the end of each day that came after, thinking about all the damage being done every second, hurt me inside so much, like being tortured but never killed. One of the things that always hurt me the most was (and still is) hearing about a species being extinct; the feeling of guilt and pain made me sick, sick to keep living knowing it’s all my fault.
I distanced myself from people and never said anything about how I felt, because I thought it was useless, there was nothing anyone could do and it would just spread this feeling of guilt.
Truth to be told, I can’t tell when I saw the light; it was such a slow and tenuous change I couldn’t noticed it, but when I finally realized I wasn’t completely surrounded by darkness, I looked back and remembered the things that little by little enlightened my heart: a child smiling at his mom, a homing bird outside my window, a humble father crying at his son’s college graduation, people on the street randomly helping each other or simply being nice, and every act of love that came across my eyes. I thought of many phrases that I had heard but never meant anything to me, and now they all had meaning: love IS all you need, we CAN imagine all the people living life in peace, we ARE one. But one that stayed with me forever, by Nelson Mandela, was: “Love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite”. Realizing the truth behind this phrase allowed me to see that what we need to do to overcome all the negative things is not to grow over them, but see their true form and realize they’re just a form of fear, and goodness is truly the human’s natural path, it just has been blocked by many obstacles that we need to put out of the way. And so if we devote our lives to follow this natural path, we can make a change. Of course this change might be small, as small as our lives are in comparison to the universe, and maybe by the end of our lives nothing will have changed. But no matter what, at least for me, it’s still worth doing it, and it’s the only path I can take now that I can see, not because of any benefits it can bring, but because it’s my real nature, our real nature, to maintain balance and let love flow through everything.
You simply WRITING this changed something. That is the beauty of reality, it is not digital – it is analog, all the little things matter – every kindness and every display of love births our future. It may be somewhat disheartening to say that we will never reach utopia, but I find it similar to the paths of all our individual lives – we are not here to get to a specific end, we are here to live the path. Much the same we are not here to reach a specific utopia, as a whole, we are here to find the path. That path is utopia, that journey is freedom.
Thank you for sharing..love is more pleasurable than any of the destructive things we crave. Survival really doesn’t have to mean cheating other people. It’s not evolution to see it as one against their own race.There are a lot of well-meaning people in the world.