Active>Passive

My life was a full-fledged shape at one time with sides and depth, a top and bottom, it had dimension and direction. Though, ultimately it was hollow, holding nothing within it, it was superfluous. It wasn’t actually any of what I had thought it was, the idea of being whole was a veil for the lack of integrity I believed I had, which was brought by the shape itself. I realized soon that this geometry was not me and that I was a mere point within the center of the structure, no matter how closely I examined the point it did not grow or shrink.

The void that I was now a part of scared me; the idea that I was before was shattered, it didn’t exist. I was lost without direction, passive and suspended in nothingness. I remained motionless for what seems like an eternity. I felt things I had never felt prior my deconstruction, I assumed it was depression when in hindsight it was progression through regression.

Once I had accepted that I was just a blip, zero dimensional, something happened; I began to expand, but not in all directions, I became a line in the void that was now my home. I was active for the 1st time in my life, I was able to decide which direction I wanted to travel in. This was exciting, I felt like I was discovering so many new possibilities that I had forgotten even existed. After twisting and turning I found myself reaching myself again, the point of my rebirth. I had created a window into my new world, a place I created, a place I know and can define and redefine to my liking, an idea of which I was in control of.

But, this was would only statisfy my urge to expand, to evolve, for a small period of time. Soon the 4 corners of this window all reached outwards and to each other, connected and became one once again. Now the structure began to look familiar, yet it wasn’t the same as before. This time there are no rules, there is no solidity or constant state of being. If something happens to this infrastructure my world will not be shattered, for what I have created just that same as the zero dimensional point I started with. It’s all false and will surely fall apart, I will not weep though I will rebuild over and over.

There’s no room for ignorance in this abyss I now call home.

January 17, 2013 at 7:58 pm
Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years, 12 months ago ago

@mikem, I don’t think love is real if everything is meaningless. If everything is meaningless then love, beauty, and power are just psychological phenomena to ensure we live in communities and reproduce

I guess my big question about nihilism is whether it is an acceptance of not being able to know either way about meaning or actually committing wholeheartedly to the belief in meaninglessness.

The difference would be between a person who breaks down their false ideas about security in their previous beliefs and then readopts them after the questioning and accepting the unknown ( but choosing to have the same beliefs), and a person who questions the validity of any type of belief system and then refuses to adopt anything

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Mike M (13) (@mikem) 8 years, 12 months ago ago

@anjelica, I confess that I can’t keep up with your activity on this site, as much as I would love to have the whole picture before responding.

I think love is real. It’s a chemical/psychological phenomenon, just as you said. (That doesn’t make a very romantic Valentine’s card, by the way.)

I wonder, can one truly commit to a belief in meaninglessness? Or does believing in meaninglessness make it meaningful, at least to the believer? And why would one want to believe in it? Because they think it’s true? Then don’t they believe in the value of truth? You see the problem here…

Ultimately, I think you gotta believe in something. Like I believe if I go outside without a jacket I’m going to be cold. Like other people aren’t figments of my imagination, but rather have thoughts and experiences much like mine. In fact, none of our beliefs are ultimately verifiable, as Descartes found out. When you start running into the tougher, higher levels of belief and meaning, yeah, maybe it’s worth something to figure it out. But what price are you willing to pay?

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dr. hamsa (42) (@s7221919) 8 years, 12 months ago ago

Sometimes the more you expand your mind the emptier it feels, because It takes more to keep it filled. And we rarely find true answers, just inspiration for more questions.

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Anonymous (359) (@) 8 years, 12 months ago ago

@s7221919, This is how my brother sees things. The void is not a bottomless pit but an ever-expanding orb

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dr. hamsa (42) (@s7221919) 8 years, 12 months ago ago

@anjelica, You both sound quite wise : )

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