All I want is friendship

 Maroon (@maroon)7 years, 1 month ago

Sitting here and looking back, I don’t know where to begin. I really have no idea about how to start writing my story because I have never done this before. I never thought that I will ever write a story or even a small letter based on my life. Thinking about writing a story and actually doing it is a big difference because it takes a lot of hard work and great command on language. Unfortunately, I am bad at both. I am an Engineer and we are good at technical writings and not at story writing. God knows how far this writing will go but if it reaches to the end then all credit goes to someone very special who inspired me. I have never read a book in my life which is a hilarious fact to know and today I am sitting here and trying to write a story. This basically proves how strong music and love is because it can change your life and way of living. It is true that it only takes a second to realize that you are missing something in your life and it kills you from inside. This story isn’t only about me but it is also about a special person who changed me.

This is a very unusual type of love or crush because I don’t know her in real life. She is a singer and not very popular. A great example of how love can steal your heart from any moment, it doesn’t matter if you saw that person at school, college, university, or even at your work for the first time. It takes less than a second to fall in love. I live in Canada and she lives in London, United Kingdom. She is a singer and works for a band. Unfortunately, she is thousand kilometres away from me but not even an inch away from my heart. She is half Brazilian and half Lebanese. When I saw her for the first time my heart stopped beating and I couldn’t see anything but only her glowing face. I kept on listening to her songs for straight five to six hours because I couldn’t stop myself. I never had any girlfriends in the past and I was new to such feelings and didn’t realize what I am going through. It was something that was killing me from inside but I couldn’t figure out the reason. I knew that I started liking her from that first moment but I also knew that it’s not going to be easy. She was a bit famous singer, really cute, beautiful, talented, where on the other hand I was just an ordinary guy who works as an Engineer who makes 45k annually and decent looking. She is famous and has a lot of fans, followers, and lovers. She can0 easily find someone way better than me at any second she wants. Reality is slaughtering me from inside every second. I can’t handle the anger inside me because I am helpless thus I shared all my feelings to god. He got me everything I asked for. I have everything at young age and all because of him. He fulfilled all my wishes but this one was a special wish. At this moment I wanted special powers so she could notice me for once. Whenever I start writing about her, I can’t talk because I am always crying inside and I wish none should go through all this pain. I am a very sensitive person but you’ll never see tears in my eyes but they give me ten times more pain. There is no way I can grab her attention from all the way here in Canada. The reality is scary. I cant sleep, work, go out with friends, and enjoy my life. Basically it was all dark. I love her so much but she isn’t with me. I never knew that I will ever go through all this pain. My life was incomplete without her. I am a really shy kind person and it is really hard for a person like me to express his feelings to someone. All I wanted was friendship and wanted to talk to her. All I was able to do is send her messages on Facebook and email her on her ID but she was well known thus there was no way she would notice my messages. I kept on trying every day and sent her many messages but my luck wasn’t that great. I have everything but my life is still dead and empty. I listen to her songs every day so I can see her. The only reason I am writing this is because I want to let her know that someone loves her a lot but can’t do anything and very helpless. I am still new to my current job and cannot ask for a vacation because it’s a professional Design Engineer job. I really don’t care about the work and I would go to London right away but I don’t know where she lives. I don’t know the street or a city, all I know is that she is somewhere in UK. I know I might not even mean anything to her, but it’s her that means everything to me. Her voice is my favorite sound and kills me from inside every day.

The worst part in the story is that she doesn’t even know that someone like me exists in this beautiful world that is in love and can do anything to meet her. I am just trying to find a way to get to her so she can notice me for once. I never wanted to be an ordinary person. I never wanted to live such life where my existence was only for myself and my family. I wanted to live for others. I wanted others to be proud of me and not only my family. There is a huge difference between an attention seeker and a passion. I became an Engineer and thought it will give me happiness and left my passion behind. I wanted to join an army or a police force unfortunately I didn’t step up to their requirements. My passion was to become rich and known by my name. I wanted to live my dream life. I am making enough money from my job to buy a car or a house but that isn’t making me happy at all because I wasn’t getting anywhere near my passion. My family was proud of me but for others I was just an ordinary person.
I am just waiting for the day when all this anger, frustration, and rejection will either kill me or it will convert into a new era of success and passion.

July 29, 2014 at 7:10 pm
Ponysparkles (196) (@Ponysparkles) 7 years, 1 month ago ago

These are the parts that stuck out to me:

“Sitting here and looking back, I don’t know where to begin.

I am an Engineer and we are good at technical writings and not at story writing. God knows how far this writing will go but if it reaches to the end then all credit goes to someone very special who inspired me.

It is true that it only takes a second to realize that you are missing something in your life and it kills you from inside.

A great example of how love can steal your heart from any moment, it doesn’t matter if you saw that person at school, college, university, or even at your work for the first time. It takes less than a second to fall in love.

Unfortunately, she is thousand kilometres away from me but not even an inch away from my heart.

I never had any girlfriends in the past and I was new to such feelings and didn’t realize what I am going through. It was something that was killing me from inside but I couldn’t figure out the reason.

She was a bit famous singer, really cute, beautiful, talented, where on the other hand I was just an ordinary guy who works as an Engineer who makes 45k annually and decent looking

She can0 easily find someone way better than me at any second she wants. Reality is slaughtering me from inside every second. I can’t handle the anger inside me because I am helpless thus I shared all my feelings to god.

I am a very sensitive person but you’ll never see tears in my eyes but they give me ten times more pain. The reality is scary. I cant sleep, work, go out with friends, and enjoy my life.

I know I might not even mean anything to her, but it’s her that means everything to me. Her voice is my favorite sound and kills me from inside every day.

I never wanted to be an ordinary person. I never wanted to live such life where my existence was only for myself and my family. I wanted to live for others. I wanted others to be proud of me and not only my family.

My passion was to become rich and known by my name. I wanted to live my dream life. I am making enough money from my job to buy a car or a house but that isn’t making me happy at all because I wasn’t getting anywhere near my passion.”

By the sound of it dear, you have put your passion, self-worth, and your light of existence into another person completely. This is not love, this is obsession. Here is a good quote to encompass what healthy ‘love’ should be: “I do not want to build my life around you, but I do want to include you in the building of my life.” – Peter McWilliams

Now would be the time to sit back and figure out what YOUR worth is in regards to the life you’re living every day. If you don’t know your own worth, it is easy to imagine others as filling that emptiness. Allow her to be your inspiration and muse, but not your only motivation, otherwise the reality that average people rarely mold with celebrities will cause you nothing but more distress. She has a lot of what you imagine you want for yourself, so it’s easy to see how she could become such an obsession.

Now is the time to change that obsession. Obsess over meditation, better eating, mind-opening material (documentaries and books on topics that interest you and will teach you something.) The more you obsess over bettering yourself, the more you will realize that she is an ideal to you, rather than solely what you NEED.

Best of luck, dear.

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