Ok. Let me go straight to the point.
I daydream all the time and I engage in those daydreams. I pretend like I am actually in that specific situation and unconsciously, I stand up and act, or I sit and stare blankly, I talk to the air (as if I’m talking to the people involved in my daydreams). I’d like to pretend that I am now in the future where I am so successful and that people look up to me, then there comes my love interest ( most of the time, in the form of my ex-boyfriend), I come up with situations where we are forced to get close to each other, talk, make out and most of the time, have sex. Then I couldn’t help it, I masturbate, and when after I come, I get back to reality but I search for porn sites or movies which would turn me on, and I masturbate again.
But there is this sudden guilt I feel before and after I do those things, I have an exam coming which would pretty much determine my fate as a working adult (by the way, I just turned 21 this month).
I might be a sex maniac or whatever you call that but I’m still a virgin but I really want to have an orgasm all the time.
I’ve been looking for a mentor online that could check me everyday and so that I can become conscious of my actions and thoughts but it costs some money and I don’t have my own money yet. I keep telling myself to change and to focus on my upcoming exam. But I still can’t stop daydreaming and masturbating. It’s like my soul is being taken away by my fantasies.
I wanna get back to reality. I want to pass my exams. But everytime I think of that, there’s also this thought of daydreaming creeping into my head.
I need help. Please.
After reading this I have multiple thoughts that rush through my head with ways to respond. Are you trolling or is this genuine? Maybe there is stuff in the present that you are afraid to address so you wander into your own world of pleasure and comfort. Which is all gucci and sounds quite fun but I wouldn’t label you as “crazy,” per se we are all crazy in our own unique ways. If you are looking for comfort, it is there. You have the answers you seek.
These fantasy moments remind me of an active daydreaming imagination I myself have. Though mine do not end in sexual immersion, I do certainly see how it could happen. Obsession is something very intriguing and I’m not sure about the nature of it, all I can do is throw half-baked theories at you. In terms of immediate efficiency, you should see the potential of another thought or a non-daydream activity. I remember, well I still do now, day dreaming about my near death constantly from a 3rd person’s perspective. Whether it be an attempted beheading, or a gunshot, or a falling, etc. so I would hope I would know how to act and escape when my body was physically destroyed as well as my psyche that is telling me: WHY IS DEATH SO CLOSE?! Also in these daydreams, something valuable to me was at stake such as a family member or any loved one. I couldn’t give up this obsession easily because I always felt there was something more to understand or learn from playing out this thought experiment. I’m not sure if yours is cut from the same vine, but I defenitely suggest really contemplating your desire trying to understand it and truely believe that there is potential, if not greater potential, of learning, understanding given another type of daydream or activity. I guess its important to weed out the habits to see things on a easier playing field. And if you feel the utilitarian approach is in having these daydreams, then so be it. But maybe once again after there is no intuitive desire in the first place? There’s your half-baked theory lol. So yeah, I would say actively try to stop till there is no intuitive effort. In terms of your level of immersion, your fine. Hell I just fell into a 24″ monitor for the last 2 hours. So in terms of normality, I also do play out the actions and often the dialogue, so I guess its normal. But is it the wisest activity, have no idea.
Well, I’ve somehow managed to resist on masturbating lately, but I can’t stop thinking and playing along with my daydreams. Still hoping I can really stop this ’cause I’ve kinda talked with some people on omegle and they told me to seek medical help. Lol. Thanks, by the way!
I don’t find anything unusual with this. I can relate very much, except it’s me with my ex-girlfriend, or someone I know. Anyways, it’s often fantasizing about a situation I really want to happen, but know never will.
Have you tried to write the train of thought down sometimes? Not to keep it, just for processing.
I’ve done this a few times, and it can turn out pretty… cleansing sometimes.
What kind of help would you expect we could give?
I think the only way to deal with bad focus is do let your thoughts get the space they crave, and after a while, re-focusing on your exam, or whatever you’re doing.
If I let my thoughts to get some space, I get so carried away that even I look at the time and I can see that it had been 4 hrs since I was doing it, I feel like stopping it but a part of me is tellin me to continue doing it. Lately, I have somehow managed to resist the temptation of masturbating, but still daydreaming. Hopefully I can really stop this, because it’s a bad habit for me especially my exams are near.
Maybe, a constant reminder can really help me. Like people who know about what I’m going through would remind me everyday to do the things that I rwally shoukd be doing and to encourage me. Right now, I’ve been reading articles about habits and stuff related to it.
Are you cognizant and consistently aware of what’s going on… do you suffer memory lapses that are pretty frequent or frustrating for people around you? Could be a form of dissociation; researching that, and its possible effects on myself, is what brought me here in fact. Just a thought..
Yes, I am pretty aware of what I’m doing but I once I start doing it, I enjoy being in my daydream. If I could film myself and watch it later, I might get frightened of what I’m actually doing.
and yes, I forget things sometimes. And I don’t know if this is related but when I’m talking to a friend in a crowded place or when there r a lot of things moving, I get distracted and cannot listen to my friend.
If you’re crazy than so am I. The world had, I think, a very primitive idea on mental illness. You shoudln’t let people make you feel bad about who you are. It’s all bullshit. And anyways, “crazy” people tend to be smarter and more interesting.
I’m pretty “crazy” myselft, so I’m not just daying this to comfort you. I fantasize a lot myselft, I have trouble keeping friends because I’m socially backwards. I also have radically different interests and hobbies than others. Calling other people “crazy” is just something people do to keep downt he different.
But if you are concerned with your fantasies taking over your life, than change your mind. Force your mind to focus and force it out of fantasies. Change your mental habits. Try meditating, it will help you focus and relieve stress.
One last thought. Bless you, and good luck.
yes you are crazy. this life you think you are living is an illusion. you do not exist and during those moments between the moments where you are daydreaming you experience a sate where you completely dissaper and fade and you never existed and you never didn’t exist. study buddhism it is the way its not a belief its a way of being.
I can relate to you. I often dissociate from reality as well. People like us need grounding and yes you might should look into medical help (psychotherapy for example). Please inform yourself about the opportunites in your country, but don’t try to deal with this alone. Life happens and we sometimes can’t cope with it. This is alright and sometimes it’s meant to be. There are a lot of people who want the best for you and can help you more elaborately than sb on the internet.
Harsh truth is: Your ex-boyfriend will never have sex with you. You improve your life in no way by daydreaming about it. And I don’t want you to fuck your life over. So get up and start learning.
To the grounding part: Exercise (like running, yoga, lifting..), meditate, eat healty, interact with real people, just DO something in REALITY, dance, start journaling on your progress, pick up a real hobby, there are endless possibilities.
I wish you the best of luck. And pm me if you ever need sb to talk to.