So I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and some change yesterday. It was very emotional. I broke things off because I was not happy any more and the feelings had faded. She was very much head over heels for me and I feel awful for it but I was not happy. We both wanted different things out of the relationship.
Like any relationship there is the feeling of a void missing and basically I’m looking for advice to mend the breakup and make it mentally easing.
Hey man, I was going through the same thing last year this time too. Girl likes me more than I liked her. Build yourself man, Do things outside of sex and relationship for now. If you want, cut ties with her completely or the feelings will never seem to disappear. I remained “friends after the relationship” with the girl but she really thought that we were still in a relationship.
It will not be mentally easing, at least for the first couple of month. Hope it helps.
you need to exercise! exercise is crucial after a break up. you’re anatomy holds a lot of tension and sarrow when you first go through a seperationa and you need to release this energy by running, biking, going to the gym and getting active, trust me. just know this is an experience, good or bad, just an experience. you’ll be alright. we’ve all been through it as cliche as it sounds
So, I dont know if my advice will mean much to you but I wanna tell you what I would do, cus like you said, any advice is welcome! The truth is that for a little while, you will feel void and hollow. However if you can tell yourself and beleive that you yourself alone are all you need whilst you dont have a partner, that you and your confidence and everything else that makes up you as a person does not depend on anyone else, then i believe you will feel more fulfilled. The fact that you don’t feel as though you can rely upon yourself right now for support, says that your struggling in yourself and not just in your break up. Address this, and you’ll attract people that see your self sufficiency. Its great to be in a relationship, its very sad if that relationship is ended either by you or your significant other, but look back on what you’ve learnt, and all the great times and feel secure in the knowledge that you have grown. You have grown, you are here and she is still there, and she has grown too. Try not to feel guilty but happy that dead roots and an insecure relationship has ended. That you are both free and eventually good will come. You will find love again and so will she, i assure you 100%.
From my personal experience the combination of getting lost in nature, hanging out with my inner circle, letting go of my ego, starting a journal, delving into meditation, and some quality bud helped my find myself again. Must fill your own cup with self love. Not saying it’s always going to be peachy but this is my 2 cents and what has helped me along my journey. Best of luck friend. xD
Advice to ease your mind? Feel your emotions completely. When we experience loss, we need to grieve; there is no way around this, although you can postpone it indefinitely (but in so doing you will postpone your own growth). So grieve as much as you can as soon as you can.
You can devote conscious effort to the grieving process; this can accelerate it greatly. I’ll briefly describe the process; if there’s anyone you feel you can open up to, it really helps to express and have those emotions seen by someone you trust; but it is possible to do it for yourself. Set aside some time to be in a safe, private place and concentrate on all the feelings you have about the relationship. Whatever the feeling – positive or negative – acknowledge and accept the way that it feels. If you are angry and want to vent, vent; if you want to cry, cry – do whatever you must do to express the emotion fully. This will take courage, because you will have to be willing to experience those painful negative emotions.
Then it will be over pretty much. IMO.
In this vein, you can also hold a funeral for the relationship. Or for anything that’s ended, really, when you need to express your emotions for it and get some closure. Make a little coffin, put some stuff in it that reminds you of your relationship, write a eulogy, invite some friends to the wake … no joke. Try it. We’re already primed to grieve at funerals.
You have to constantly remind yourself that you broke the relationship off for a reason. As time goes on, you will–if you already haven’t–find yourself thinking about only those “good” times and how “happy” you were..but THAT IS AN ILLUSION because if you were THAT happy and the times were THAT good, you would not have ended the relationship. John Green said, “You can never love someone as much as you miss them.” Understand that you two served your purpose in each others lives, and you must keep going. You may find yourself thinking about the memories, but don’t let them stop you from moving forward.. don’t keep looking back, you’re not going that way. There’s more out there for you. There’s more out there for her. Get excited about that! This is a fresh start.. the whole world is right in front of you..I wish you the best!
Nothing can be done. It took courage to break up because your over all analysis showed it was the right thing to do. If you stayed until you both were fighting all the time it would have made it easier to break up but you would have wasted time. Focus on you for now. Definitely don’t get back together out of pity. You would be hurting her and you.
Im struggling with life in general, im on an antidepressant and an antipsychotic that im not sure even work. I dont really feel like myself anymore, ive heard the kind of meds im on can numb you emotionally and im not sure if thats happened to me. I get high off and on. (i used to smoke really heavily, until i tried molly and developed really bad anxiety and a crazy sensitivity to weed, i think it was bad or i just took too much, im not sure. All i know is it hit me way harder than it hit the people i rolled with.) But hack to the point, i just dont feel like myself. I overthink constantly, i sleep way too much, and i feel like my friends dont like me anymore. I just feel like im growing farther away from everyone. When i smoke it helps sometimes, the other times when it doesnt i get these nonstop epiphanies that really mess with me, it makes me unsure of what to think. But on the other hand they remind me of who i am and who i want to be, and it makes me remember stuff I’ve forgotten about, stuff thats important to me. Childhood memories, things i used to like, stuff like that. I just worry that ill develop psychoses again, which was the worst experience of my life. (It was caused by smoking way too much and taking adderall, but what really fucked me up was the molly, i wouldve been fine if i hadnt taken it) i just feel kind of lost, i have a good job at the moment and im going to try and join the airforce. If i can get in with my mental health history, ill just have to wait and see. If not ill be starting my first year of college, but i just feel stuck. I dont feel like myself completely, i feel like im constantly wasting time even if im not, i just feel lost.