Are people a barrier to your goals?

mint (@mint) 9 years, 4 months ago

Right now it’s going a bit tough for me. I’m in high school and next year I have all my assessments and such which determine where I will study and basically where I will work. Now my question is as follows. Should I avoid people and put all my effort into improving myself during school times, or actually bother with people and be friends, help them, waste my time and only improve myself at home.

August 23, 2012 at 10:56 pm
Ben (148) (@cognizantelephant) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

It makes me laugh a bit seeing your post. No offense, it’s just that I had that the same view towards people a while ago.

If people cause you to have feelings of bothering yourself, or that it’s waste of time, then those are issues that you need to start tackling immediately. Those views are very difficult to have in life, as at some point it shows that you have a disliking for people. So in effort to achieve comfort-ability, we set our sights higher – to bring peace and spread the happiness that is deserved to all. It just all smooths out that much better.

Improvement is a great way to go. Full support here on HE. There is already lots of threads about it if you check the search function

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Christian (40) (@christian92) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

@mint, Do you think it’s the people or is it your attitude towards them? How far do you think you will get in life if you do everything for yourself and don’t take other people seriously?
You say you “bother” with people…. Maybe you just got the wrong friends? If that’s the case, you have to find friends which understand you better, but you shouldn’t just stop contact to people in general. There are awesome and wonderful people out there, you just have to find them!

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Dick (364) (@dick) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

Assessments may limit what schools you can apply for, but that is the extent of it.
Academic pursuits and social pursuits are not mutually exclusive, so do both and set an academic goal for yourself.

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Nick (195) (@nickc2007) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

It’s worth cutting yourself off from people and devoting yourself to something BUT ONLY if it’s something you’re crazy passionate about, that will move you closer in the direction of your dreams (e.g. finally writing that book you’ve always thought about). You choose what’s worthwhile in life, but honestly, I wouldn’t ever choose exams over friendship.

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Anonymous (50) (@) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

I totally have that feeling sometimes but you have to remember people KEEP YOU SANE. From all experience I’ve seen people aren’t really consistent with blocking people out and even if they do the sacrifice is not wise. I’d say find your niche of friends who support goals and academics. socialising is big at the owrkplace

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Gates (1) (@gates) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

My experience is as following: If try to stay away from people, after a while it changes you’re perspective on people and society in a bad way because it will be ‘me vs. them’. It made me a bit down ‘depressed’. Lik Christian said, there are a lot of awesome people out there.
If you have the right people around you you will good. And if you feel good you enjoy life alot more, and that is very important. You can always learn from people and the right people can stimulate you. Just don’t always go with the herd, usually they are nog very beneficial.

And you can turn it around; If you avoid people, maybe you will not meet the lovely boy/girl that could be you’re boy/girlfriend

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Nathan (5) (@birdmannan) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

@mint, You know what, that is exactly what I have noticed about all the high achievers in my school, they go to school for one purpose and one purpose only, to have a class and then leave. Well they obviously talk to people but it’s not like me where I know everyone in my school and I’m always hanging around someone.

But I would say, to make friends mainly because if your at school let’s say you have about 1 hour and 30 minutes max because of recess and lunch. Now that 1 hour and 30 minutes isn’t really enough to work on some homework, well it is, but couldn’t you just do that at home?

In my opinion, you should try to make some friends at school or just hang around some people and talk to them instead. There is plenty of time at home to work on your work. Just make sure that you are willing to spend that time at home doing your work! Hahaha

Or if you can’t find someone to talk to at school, then you could do your work.

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Anonymous (2,654) (@) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

No. You’re the only barrier to your goals. What a strange thing when there’s no one else to blame, eh? :)

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Manimal (2,998) (@manimal) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

Some people are barriers, others are escalators, others are neutral. But most people are barriers to some degree, though that’s really just situational stuff.
People themselves are not barriers, it’s just the stupid way people live and think these days that make them barriers.

Not everyone is like that.

Finding the right friends is one of the most positively life changing things you can do. Because whoever you vibe with a lot influences you to some degree. And vice versa.
And if you have a bunch of friends who just sit at home smoking weed and watching TV, that’s likely what you’ll be doing too. If you have a bunch of friends who do awesome shit instead, that’s likely what you’ll be doing too.
You gotta find some friends who have similar ambitions as you, it will make everything more streamlined and more enjoyable.

If you hang out with chumps, you’re most likely a chump for a long time to come. If you hang out with champs, you’re most likely a champ for a long time to come.

But nevertheless, you should never rely on other people or be too influenced by them. People don’t have more influence on your life than you allow them. That goes for positive influence as well as negative.
Your mind is yours, you’re in command, and you’re responsible for it. Nobody else is. Nobody can make you think, feel, or do anything. Only you can.

If the people you’re surrounding yourself with are holding you back, just get rid of them. Or yknow, just don’t hang with them so much.

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Anonymous (18) (@) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

@mint Improve yourself by confronting the people who annoy you. It’s the only way to positively challenge yourself. By confronting I mean “dealing with” and “learning from”.

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mint (2) (@mint) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

@cognizantelephant, I laugh at you too :)
@manimal, I completely agree with you. I guess it’s just the people around me that don’t have the same interests as myself.
@justgoing, What am I supposed to say to people? I mean of course I still keep a good relationship with people, but it’s not like I avoid them and such. Maybe I misunderstood you, can you please clarify? Do you mean “deal with” in terms of telling them they are annoying, or actually just getting past the fact and still speaking to them?

Thanks!

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jm (23) (@kkylekittell24) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

@mint, Manimal had it right, most of the control is in you but a lot of it has to do with the environment you surround yourself with.

But to elaborate a little more on your environment;

In high school, not succumbing to it can be very challenging, especially with how critical people can be on others outside their group or lower on the social scale. Too many people, this isn’t even a problem, but to others, there is a lack of support from our families. Our families reinforce our identity and give us conformation that it is okay to be who we are. It kinda causes people to cling to their friends because of how brutal it can be without their support. And that group, everyone sees, so you kinda get defined by it and then come the barriers. But you don’t have to let anyone define you, and there IS most definitely social mobility.

Most kids in high school have this mentality that every single little thing matters, and if they fuck up their world is going to end. It’s so dumb and can be very crippling to people and a community. A high school down the street has had like 20 suicides sense 2000, that shit to me, Is crazy, and tells me things are not right. I would think that it takes so much stress to even consider suicide, such an extreme thing. I was hangin out with kids from that school, all of them from different groups, Scean (I’ve never heard of it) Preppy cheerleader, and a softball player, each of them hated their school, said it was hell. None of them knew each other while attending. They said everything was so critical, it was all about what you wore, the things said, who you knew. So critical that it seemed like you either had to conform to inside the barriers or just not give a fuck or learn to be whom you are freely.

My advice, go buy some girl jeans, (if you’re a boy) and walk around with your middle finger up all day, because that shit DOESNT matter. I have never worn them by the way; I just think people who completely defy social norms are kind of bad asses and it puts you in situations where confrontation comes about all the time, and they learn how to deal with it and not hide. They break down those barriers.

Don’t be afraid of death embrace it, what I mean is, we all build up these fears in us and somehow we relate them to the fear of death, and it triggers a flight or fight response. So when that moment comes, awkward, some person is hating on you, anything really, and you start to act impulsively (because you don’t want to be defined by this moment forever or something, all bs,) just realize your kinda recreating your fear of the worst possible situation, death, and like… seeing that your afraid, by taking a step out of it, you don’t really become afraid anymore, you see it for what it is. The fear is there still, it might always be there, but you stop becoming afraid of all the possible bad situations and you organize it down to just being afraid of fear itself. Like FDR Said during the great depression. And if you conquer that, I think you’d be straight for life lol.

I only say this because you gotta do you man, something that can be really difficult, that is why you got to push yourself, and not be afraid of death at all. Everything is just a bunch of moments, and it is you that decides which ones define you, and many, many people dwell on the fearful ones, where it creates them. The moments just come and go.

Dont be afraid to not have any friends either, alot of times we hold on to these expectations of what life is, how we want it, compared to the people around us, especially with social media like facebook. Detach yourself from the idea of not being included, goin to parties, certain circles of people, fuck all your expectations, let go what YOU think you should be and be doing, forget your fantasies, and just focus on the moment that you are living right now and what you can do to always grow with it.

In so many ways I do not think people in your age set realize, Everyone is different, we all got our own problems to solve, and situations to deal with. We all individually live in our own world of networks where it is impossible to understand based on what you see of the surface patterns and created self images. I’m only saying, you may see what someone does, their actions, what they say, but you still do not know who they are, what they have in them and things they can accomplish, many people do so many things out of fear and its so limiting.

But really I can only give so much advice, what it comes to is will power. That’s it. Will you push yourself or not? Oh and Fuck expectation, its all about living as life comes, and there is no definition to what that is. It’s all just happening. I mean you got the 5 P’s, Proper preparation prevents poor performance, but we take it so far by analyzing everything, our heads go haywire and it all gets to complicated because it all IS so complicated, there are sooo many things going on around you all the time so much that your conscious head cannot solve itself. But in reality, you got all the tools inside you to solve the problems, but a person dulls the senses because of the confusion they create. So in a way, I kind of can’t really answer your questions, you have to answer them. These are the most important things that have helped me a lot through these types of situations. I could go on and on about them, Like I did, sorry about the essay lol, but there is so much more.

Remember to breath, life is a great thing, even the ones that don’t seem to be. They all teach so many things about the self, its all feedback, so always listen to what your body says feelings included. There is always so much more to see once coming about the realizing of how small the world you live in actually is, life in high school is sooooo small.

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Anonymous (18) (@) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

@mint By “dealing with” I mean accepting the annoying side of a person and looking for other things in them which could (and will) be much more interesting and certainly not annoying.

To see things how they really are you have to change your point of view. Constantly. Otherwise you’ll become biased and focused on only the stuff that annoys you.

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Martijn Schirp (112,780)A (@martijn) 9 years, 4 months ago ago

A goal that doesnt include people is not a goal, it is suicide.

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