After a heartbreak in my freshmen year of highschool, i avoided the boyfriend/girlfriend attachment thing for awhile. i still had “girl friends” but i made sure they understood there was no need for a label and tried my hardest to keep emotional attachment out of it. I graduated last year and met an amazing girl this summer, i decided to revoke my personal vow and give the dating thing a try again. ended up getting hurt and it leaves me wondering, is the pursuit of a romantic relationship worth the potential pain? should i focus only on myself and maintain the free love policy i had in highschool? i need some outside opinions
@bkellz, yeah i questioned myself the same thing, is it worth all the trouble really? Well the thing is if you close up and detach you feel free but never totally united with someone, and also sometimes your feelings just run away with you without you noticing it, so the question really is, can you control yourself to a free love policy or is it just something to save yourself all the headache real love brings?
I think its worth the risk but you have to be careful whether or not you act upon romantic feelings or just play it save, like not everything is meant to last so you have to choose when you want to be romantic involved, it might take more time to act upon those feelings, but at first you can just play it save with your heart i think, and later on you can let yourself feel romantic feelings, when things start to change in a good way and it feels more promising. Anyway its not guarenteed you won’t get hurt so..but i do think its worth it if you do it the right way and not overindulge in clingy claiming or jealous feelings, the bad side of romantic relationships..
Real love cured my headaches. There’s a quote I came across recently which gives a nice perspective to it. “Love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.” What do you guys think?
@bkellz, You’re not going to solve anything but avoiding the issue.
I had an epiphany recently.
“I think romantic relationships have become inefficient spiritual means for connecting with others.”
The fuck must we romance in order to love?
The shit we gotta be so proper for?
I’ve met people divorced and because of that had no where to go, they became homeless. Is that also worth a temporary pleasure? Not only that but their “partner” spread deep and personal info that literally ruined his life. Is this also worth “opening up” to someone? It isn’t a learning experience you risk but your entire livelihood.
I have been wondering the same myself for sometime. After my latest breakup, decided to give this free love policy a try. The problem was I had difficulty having sex with someone I wasn’t emotionally connected with. After a while I met this girl who was patient with me and seemed like who had genuine feelings for me. This is the part I told myself to give it another try, after all I was not satisfied with free love policy anyways. What happens is after the first week of dating, we have not met once and just had our first fight. Talk about learning stuff the hard way. I would say definitely not worth it, except in very very rare cases where both parties are in love. Otherwise it just turns to power play at one point or another. Nope, thanks.
@bkellz, You gotta give it a shot man, you never know when you’re gonna miss out on someone special just because you were afraid of being hurt. Think about it this way, pain and heartbreak eventually go away, and you can learn a lesson from that. When you love someone, you’ll always be able to remember how good that felt and how great it was.
My first year of college i had a girlfriend, and it was great and all, but it didn’t work out. So the next year at school, I took the whole free loving thing to the extreme, and it was great. But after a certain point, you start feeling a desire for something more than just the casual hookups and not having attachments to girls. I wanted something more fulfilling than just someone I could sleep with with no strings attached.
But ultimately, its your choice what you want to do. I think you should go with your gut feeling, it usually won’t lead you wrong. I mean sure why not go with the free loving right now, but if you start to feel for a girl, don’t be afraid of it, embrace it.
@optimystic, romancing feels good and the court ship shows your interest. If there was none, how would someone determine who was qualified and who wasn’t? Everything worth having must be worked for. Also, romance is wonderful and feels wonderful, giving and receiving.
The way i see it as, when you become in a relationship you already know that there’s a 50/50 chance of it working out. You’re putting yourself in a vulnerable situation but at the same time experiencing something with someone who you have a connection with. With that being said, I think they are worth it. Even despite how they may not all work out in the end, you always end up learning something about yourself and what you want/ don’t want in your next relationship. I say take the leap, life’s too short to restrict yourself from experiencing romantic relationships.
But what about experiencing a home or having stability of your personal life? Being in a relationship risks all that. I’ve met people who got divorced and they lost their house. Not only that but their partner spread very personal things to people that ruined his chance of a decent life. It’s not only emotions you risk but also a good and easy life.
Given that I’ve never been in a relationship my knowledge of the subject is greatly limited but I agree with @beyond, personally I believe you should find yourself, find what really drives you and grasp that passion. Because that’s the kind of love that can’t be defined through other people. Eventually you’ll find someone who has a similar spark or flame and you will connect. I have so many friends who boast and talk about how great it is because they are getting laid and doing all that gushy stuff but than 6 months later they are single again and hate everything. I think by working on your true self will eventually lead you to someone who shares similar beliefs and passion. That to me is the definition of a true loving relationship, than again I can’t be for certain since I’ve never been in one lol.
@bkellz, Yes, totally, until with this heart breaking thing, loving is an experience that makes us to enjoy more life. I’ve never loved someone that hard, but sexologists already told me that is important to love. Besides, sex is different when you are really feeling something for the person! Maybe someday I’ll try this kind of intimacy with someone and discover something beyond just pleasure!
Loving is as mind-blowing as high existence.
No… you are a more irrational person when in love. People who are in love are in what I like to call a “love high” and true are more happier but also make stupid decisions or say stupid things they wouldn’t have before. Also love is all that great, its temporary and has a chance of both breaking one’s heart and losing everything. Not only that but in a married relationship it’s even worse, because if you get a divorce you can potentially lose your kids, house, money, and just everything that is actually worth having.
Don’t stress about it. Live your life, become engrossed in your passions and most of all just LIVE.
Love will come when the time is right and if it doesn’t work out the intense emotions that follow will inspire. My most powerful writing and most creative works flow from these earth trembling emotions. They make me feel the most alive.
I celebrate the emotions my body and I experience together, even the uncomfortable ones.
The uncomfortable emotions are simply part of the cycle.
The Yin to the Yang.
We would not know what happiness was without sadness to contrast it, and we would take happiness for granted.
So go with the flow, do what feels right, don’t overthink it and follow your intuition. There is always beauty even in the darkest of storms. There is so much to love in this world and romantic relationships are only a small part.
@birdsittingonatree, Nailed it. Granted, you should always put your most open and honest self out there because it is a shortcut to see if things can work or not and when it does, when those synchronicities between two people come out, it is a nothing short of magical
Ok say if I do “open up” to a romantic partner what happens if it fails after, they become mad and ruin absolutely everything I desire because of that. It’s not only risky emotionally, but physically to. I’ve met people married and then got divorced the next thing you know they are living under a bridge trying to keep warm on winter nights. It’s nothing more than just stupid to “open up” to someone. Shortcuts are not a fast way to get to a destination, they are a dangerous way to get to a destination they are off road and often unpredictable, so be patient and work out any problem you have yourself, because no one truly understands you than you.
@bkellz, romantic relationships are worth it as long as you don’t allow them to change you in ways you don’t want to be changed, get in the way of your goals, and ruin any other relationships you might have! those are the basis rules that I have for everything. Nothing can get in the way of my goals- my happiness from achieving those girls will far outweigh any happiness I might get from a romantic relationship
@bkellz, I vote to keep going with the free love life style for now. It is important “to love and be love in return” like quoted earlier. That doesn’t mean that it has to be one specific person for the rest of your life. Focus on loving everyone and yourself. Then one day someone might be introduced into your life and you realize that you are willing to work through anything with them. Build a team and conquer life together!
In many Paulo Coelho novels, he emphasis the search for a treasure or purpose in life. This purpose usually leads back to love. Coelho represents the belief within his novel that a soul is split into two, a feminine and masculine side. Each souls purpose is to find the other, their ‘soul mate’. A man or woman will not be fulfilled until they have found their soul mate.
Paulo Coelho says that one can determine whether one is their soul mate if they see a light in their eyes and a light on their partners left shoulder, however, one can only see this if they have opened their third eye. I’m not sure if this particular piece of information was to be taken literally.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, is that, love is one of the purposes of life; finding your soul mate. And when you l find your soul mate, you’ll know, because he/she will be worth all the pain in the world.
(Sorry for bad writing, am sick)
I hope you find your soul mate :D
There is no such thing as a “third eye” unless you have some serious birth mutation which is unlikely. But also there isn’t a point to life, you survive the longest you can and that’s it. Love is only a human instinct meant to carry our Gene’s to the next generation. But there’s already enough people populating the earth that it makes no difference. If you wanna have a family sure but if you not sure, then do yourself a favor and save money, time, and potential heartbreak and think rational.
I believe that it is always worth it.
Even if you are the one who was hurt at the end of it or she/he was. You will always carry the imprint of what they have left upon you for the rest of your life. That little piece that ended up showing you something about yourself or even just the experiences you had while you were together.
My last girlfriend took me to places I would never have seen otherwise. I even tried squid and to be honest, it wasnt the best but still. It is always worth the heartache no matter what.
Pain is pain… it sucks and doesn’t really have a benefit so why would you put yourself through that pain or your partner who you supposedly “love” through that pain? You can always travel by yourself but you can’t guarantee you’ll stick with any relationship or that it will be okay after. If you don’t have a romantic relationship you will save money, time, heartbreak, and most importantly your sanity. Have you noticed how people in new relationships are in a “love high” this will cause them to be irrational and make stupid decisions you wouldn’t have before.
@bkellz, When you start placing conditions on it; it dramatically increases the probabilities of failure. I remember being in love with a woman once, we had this perfect intellectual/spiritual bond, but she made it clear that she enjoyed sex and could never be physically exclusive. I decided that I could not handle that so I moved on. In hindsight, I think she was worth it.