After a heartbreak in my freshmen year of highschool, i avoided the boyfriend/girlfriend attachment thing for awhile. i still had “girl friends” but i made sure they understood there was no need for a label and tried my hardest to keep emotional attachment out of it. I graduated last year and met an amazing girl this summer, i decided to revoke my personal vow and give the dating thing a try again. ended up getting hurt and it leaves me wondering, is the pursuit of a romantic relationship worth the potential pain? should i focus only on myself and maintain the free love policy i had in highschool? i need some outside opinions
@bkellz, There are so many types of romantic relationships. Instead of searching for “free love” or “exclusive” focus on the romance that you find and let it develop from there. You never know what you will find when you choose to be open instead of worrying about it. Nothing has to be permanent, but at the same time enjoy what you stumble upon instead of doubting it. Doubt is the biggest threat to a relationship in my opinion.
@bkellz, Do not pursue anything. Focus on your own self growth (in turn helping others by helping yourself) and if someone happens to come along and it feels right then definitely don’t push it away because of previous relationship experiences. Everyone has something different to offer to you at separate times in life all happening for a reason
@optimystic, rob you? I’m sorry but the romances you have went through in your life that lead you to believe that weren’t of true love. A true love romance is nothing that will rob you. It will fulfill every part of you and make everything about you whole.
There is nothing selfish about romance. True romance means giving yourself to another and trusting fully that they will treat what you have given with love and tender care.
Your views on love lead me to believe you’ve been through bad break ups. It happens to most of us bro, I’ve been there many times. It has made me stronger in every part of my being. It has also taught me exactly what I want in a partner and what I no longer need.
Love is trust without expectation. It is surrender to a force which makes sense through intuition, but cannot be logically explained. Love is the glue which keeps us alive and well, but more than that. It is incredibly difficult to explain, but it has to be lived and not dissected. LOVE IS ALL THERE IS. No, I am not referring to the plastic concept of romantic love sold back to us from a platform of lack and commodity in the media and commercials. The natural state of being, is to share and expand and grow. The natural state of being is love. It’s like breathing. If you’re looking for the love of your life, stop looking outside and start looking inside. Appreciate, be thankful, simply be. Know yourself. Follow your passion and your dreams. In order to find the love you seek, you have to be it, or rather allow yourself to be it. It is being vulnerable, exposing your true self. It may sound painful, but when you find the frequency of love (which you’re already on, although you’re refusing to see it because you’re scared) that pain will mean nothing. In the end, all which matters is that we love. It isn’t important to ‘find a partner’, ‘get married’, ‘be in love’ any of those things. You have to BE it, you have to BE a lover, a friend, you have to BE loving. Love is knowing the difference between trust and taking for granted. Love is truly caring about each other, and at the same time it is something you cannot describe, it is what we are, and when we find it we know it for what it is, and we know to trust it. In order to share love, you have to love yourself first, and allow yourself to be completely free from expectation and entirely vulnerable and honest. Love transforms you and lets you grow. Love changes everything. This is my experience.
You never lose by loving, you only lose by holding back.
@yoinkie, You’re right, man, they weren’t of “true love” or whatever proper noun you wanna use. They’ve been shit periods of wasted time due to the fact that I had been adhering to what I thought “love” was at the time (seems like a dangerous concept or “idea” to me). I really don’t care (or maybe just don’t want to care) what “true” love or romance is.
There is everything selfish with romance if you’re seeking it out of envy. I’ve always prefered the natural route to everything, which has meant me passing on a lot of potential opportunities for “love” I guess you could say. I just don’t wanna involve myself in a commitment with another person as fickle-minded as I; it would not fair for either of us.
If I were in love right now, there’s no doubt in my mind that I’d have to be sacrificing what time I’m currently utilizing in amazing ways (supporting musical artists) for time spent with ONE other person. That seems extraordinarily selfish to me. There are several things I love MORE…than people. I wanna spend my time helping out more individuals than just one.
@bkellz, Yeah dude. Unless you’re REALLY REALLY drawn in, it’s a massive waste of time. And an even bigger waste of energy.
And you’ll get nothing out of it, really.
But, when you find the worthwhile scenario, you won’t doubt it. Just dive in head first.
I don’t think it is. Think about it first of all what do you really get from a relationship? Nothing. There isn’t a price or an award nothing. Second the only thing that happens when you get emotionally attached is that you’ll see a flaw in them that you absolutely hate then you get heartbroken. Honestly this whole “love” thing is overrated it wastes time that you could use for whatever you want, wastes money that you could save and the only person who truly understands you is you. And for those who say it is are likely in a relationship and happy because they are either the really “lucky” ones who happened to just love their partner even though their flaws absolutely annoys them or in a new relationship and in what I call a “love high” which tends to make people talk more about love. “But you say this because you were heartbroken.” No I haven’t been in a relationship but I’m a very logical person, if something isn’t beneficial or risky why do it? I’ve met people who were in relationships and lose everything because it didn’t work out. And not emotionally but their house, their kids, and money, they became homeless because of a romantic relationship. Do yourself a favor and ask yourself what is logical before you let emotions dictate decisions, because they likely betray you.
Pain is pain… it sucks and doesn’t really have a benefit so why would you put yourself through that pain or your partner who you supposedly “love” through that pain? You can always travel by yourself but you can’t guarantee you’ll stick with any relationship or that it will be okay after. If you don’t have a romantic relationship you will save money, time, heartbreak, and most importantly your sanity. Have you noticed how people in new relationships are in a “love high” this will cause them to be irrational and make stupid decisions you wouldn’t have before.
There is no such thing as a “third eye” unless you have some serious birth mutation which is unlikely. But also there isn’t a point to life, you survive the longest you can and that’s it. Love is only a human instinct meant to carry our Gene’s to the next generation. But there’s already enough people populating the earth that it makes no difference. If you wanna have a family sure but if you not sure, then do yourself a favor and save money, time, and potential heartbreak and think rational.
Ok say if I do “open up” to a romantic partner what happens if it fails after, they become mad and ruin absolutely everything I desire because of that. It’s not only risky emotionally, but physically to. I’ve met people married and then got divorced the next thing you know they are living under a bridge trying to keep warm on winter nights. It’s nothing more than just stupid to “open up” to someone. Shortcuts are not a fast way to get to a destination, they are a dangerous way to get to a destination they are off road and often unpredictable, so be patient and work out any problem you have yourself, because no one truly understands you than you.
No… you are a more irrational person when in love. People who are in love are in what I like to call a “love high” and true are more happier but also make stupid decisions or say stupid things they wouldn’t have before. Also love is all that great, its temporary and has a chance of both breaking one’s heart and losing everything. Not only that but in a married relationship it’s even worse, because if you get a divorce you can potentially lose your kids, house, money, and just everything that is actually worth having.
But what about experiencing a home or having stability of your personal life? Being in a relationship risks all that. I’ve met people who got divorced and they lost their house. Not only that but their partner spread very personal things to people that ruined his chance of a decent life. It’s not only emotions you risk but also a good and easy life.
I’ve met people divorced and because of that had no where to go, they became homeless. Is that also worth a temporary pleasure? Not only that but their “partner” spread deep and personal info that literally ruined his life. Is this also worth “opening up” to someone? It isn’t a learning experience you risk but your entire livelihood.